Tuesday, March 15, 2011

What do I want to do?

So much for updating regularly, eh?

Tonight I'm looking for answers, although why I think posting a blog entry for 3 people will give me answers, I don't know. I'm frustrated. I was actually surprised to find, after being hired at a large department store last fall, that I -liked- retail, or at least most of it. A lot had to do with my co-workers, who are friendly people (of course, that kind of job self-selects for that kind of personality). They made me feel at home. My manager was nice, and everything was going smoothly, and there was even a chance I could get a little promotion to part-time commissioned work! I stuck around after the holidays because of an offhand job offer by my manager. That job offer never materialized.

I'm now stuck in a job I don't like quite so much, and that "not liking so much" is quickly turning into "not liking at all", and that's never good for job performance. Not that my manager has been communicating about such tawdry details as job performance. She's avoiding me, and THAT is also not good. Leaving out all the details of what's gone on the last few months, let me just state that if it continues into April/May, I'm going to hand in my 2 weeks' notice and take my chances with unemployment.

I'd rather not, though, which has led me back into job searching... and the inevitable question: What do I even want to do?

Well, it's easy: I want to homestead. That doesn't pay too well, though.

I don't even know where to start looking for a job that I'd fit into! I have a lot of skills, but most of them (writing, basic farm skills, baking) are either underpaid or not in demand, and the rest are underdeveloped (I don't have the "3-5 years experience" preferred for most jobs in my areas of interest). We need money; I can't go back to volunteering no matter how much I'd love to toss my wallet out the window and spend another summer turning compost at the urban farm. I keep tossing around the idea that happiness is worth so much more than money... but then I turn around and look at my beat-up shoes, the ones that I have worn out because I have to be on my feet all day, and I remember how painful being on one's feet all day is when one doesn't have new footwear regularly, and I think "I'd be happier if I had the money for new shoes!", and you can see where that leads.

Maybe it's time to get my act together and start my own damn business. I keep thinking how great it would be to run a camp... but that's the kind of thing that doesn't happen overnight and I'd need a ton of sponsors to get started, and even then - I'm great in a supporting role, but I don't so so well in the lead. I'd rather work as a (well-paid) camp counselor and let someone else deal with the paperwork! :(