Can't get any worse...

(knock on wood)
middlesister* (7:21:47 PM): Hey. You know that stupid little sister of ours?

middlesister (7:21:57 PM): Yeah. That one. The cops just called.

middlesister (7:22:00 PM): .....

middlesister (7:22:01 PM): o.o

middlesister (7:22:40 PM): Anyway, since you're not on I'll just let you know all that I've been informed of. Which is trespassing and maybe something about alcohol.

Me (7:25:54 PM): ...isn't she still grounded?

middlesister (7:27:03 PM): Yeah.

middlesister (7:27:09 PM): She was grounded, and regrounded

Me (7:26:32 PM): Is mom home?

Me (7:26:35 PM): And is E home?

middlesister (7:27:16 PM): uh huh

middlesister (7:27:18 PM): and no

middlesister (7:27:27 PM): she's at la estacion de policia

middlesister (7:27:38 PM): correction

middlesister (7:27:44 PM): the cops just pulled in with her in tow

...So begins the worst hour I've had all year, and it comes the day after my $300 glasses lose a screw and have to be brought into the optometrist tomorrow to see if they're covered by warranty, I get home to find that my credit card bill was due on Friday and my bank account is empty, after a week up north forgetting that I had bills to pay and unable to print the loan application that will now take another two days to print and get in the mail and 2 weeks to get money from, at least, and to top it all off, we just got a cancellation notice from our insurance company because we owe them $400 too.

Please tell me life gets easier after college. Tell me that 15-year-olds are capable of reasoning once in a while. Remind me why I bother caring when all it gets me is disappointment. I'm frustrated and angry and worried and I'm not even her mother; I had so little to do with raising her especially the last few years... but I still care. God forbid my children ever do something so stupid.

*screen names changed, obviously

Babysitting?

Why is it that I never get the time to spend with kids until I'm already "busy"?

Today at work someone had brought her two lively children into the library with her, and let them run loose while she worked. While I can see that it's probably very tough to handle two kids and work at the same time, and no professor is going to take "I couldn't find a babysitter" as an answer, I think that it would've been nice if she had at least kept the kids occupied with something other than a tricycle and a baby doll...

So here I come walking on my rounds in the mostly empty library, and I decided that to be nice to everyone involved I'd take the kids over to the little, badly-equipped "playroom" in the corner of the media center. No one was in there, at least, so I wasn't worried about keeping the kids quiet (they knew to be quiet but they're 4 and 5, so I doubt they had been properly drilled in self-control. Shrieks happen!). They tossed the puppets around, pulled a few books off the shelves and didn't bother me one bit. The puppets are entirely soft, so throwing them wasn't an issue. They finally settled on a game of "hit the monkey" with the blow-up monkey hanging from the ceiling and the puppets as balls. For little kids they had great aim!

I finally brought them back to mom after half an hour... she had said they were going to leave when I came up to her the first time, but she had apparently been thankful for the time without the little ones and had kept working. I didn't mind at all but I didn't want to keep the kids any longer without letting her know. I felt bad for them, though. It was obvious that they were bored and I didn't want to leave them unsupervised, but mom knows best... :/

Stream of Consciousness At 6am.

Stayed up all night again. Sleep has been coming and going in very odd patterns lately, I'm mostly nocturnal and it's kind of funny because now the sun's up for so much longer, so by the time I get tired in late afternoon it's still beautiful outside and I feel guilty for sleeping.

My motivational level is at an all-time low and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. I know that I have x, y, and z to do and that it'll take me 18+hours to do it all, and most of it's due, in a polished form, by Wednesday. I know that there's no logical way I'm going to be able to finish all of my homework, I've known all weekend that every hour I spent procrastinating was another hour later I'd have to stay up on Tuesday night, and possibly a few classes to skip on Monday. As if I can afford to skip another class. I really shouldn't, but I've lost the energy it takes to get up and walk out the door.

I should probably go lay in the sun for a bit. Maybe it would help. I miss Mexico insanely right now, and I can't help thinking that I don't even remember last semester because it went by so fast but all I remember of this one is being too busy to enjoy anything and missing places I'll probably never see again. I can't help but think that I'm on a one-way track to nowhere if I continue my education and employment here in the US and want to get the heck out, but there's nowhere to go. Canada's too close for comfort, despite free health care and a few friends already there. Mexico's no better than we are, they're having all kinds of political trouble and Americans tend to be wide-open targets for crimes in most areas. Finland sounds nice, haha... but I can't even afford to buy a coffee in Euros right now, with the dollar so low (and my bank account even lower, paying the rent this month will be next to impossible, and we still owe that $130 garbage fee have been putting off paying since January in hopes we'd be left alone).

I'm starting a garden, another one of my silly half-assed "this is going to make me look and feel productive!" projects. It's going to be a container garden, on the porch, which means I'll probably forget about it for weeks at a time this summer. Speaking of summer, I have no plans except the library so far, I'm not very interested in finding another job even though money will be very very very tight if I don't. I'm hoping for slightly more hours this summer than I've had this semester, and keeping my eyes open for a job that doesn't involve getting 3 references and fingerprinting. (.pdf file)

I'm sick and tired of life here. I don't have a productive job and my homework is seeming far more meaningless than usual, which is bad considering how little I usually think homework means. My classes aren't really that interesting. I want to go outside and start taking nature courses again, or something. Maybe I should have been a bio major. Hah.

I'm not sure whose expectations I'm trying to meet any more. My own are so half-formed and changing that I frustrate myself every time I try to think about what I really expect of myself. I know I don't really want to live up to my friends' expectations of me because as cool as my friends are, their expectations are not who I really am. I'm just not sure why or how I'm different.

Rick bought a BB pistol and I'm going to start shooting targets in the yard, if I ever actually get away from the computer. I think I should know how to shoot, just in case. Even a BB can hurt like hell at close range.

My wrist has developed a phantom itch. I'm allergic to cheap metal, but I haven't been wearing a watch for months, since my beautiful xmas gift broke and I haven't had the time nor money to get the strap replaced. Still, my left wrist has a few small bits of rash on it just like the ones that I get when I wear cheap metal, and it itches occasionally. The only thing I can think is that the skin's irritated from resting on the edge of my keyboard shelf. It's fake wood. I can't figure out why it'd make me itch unless there's some chemical in it. Either way I can't do much about it so I'm going to leave it alone and go do some more laundry so I have clean pants to wear to class this morning.

Sprung!

Spring is most definitely on its way. The weather's been going crazy lately, getting icy-cold one day and warm enough to go jacketless the next (like today! It's gorgeous and I'm giddy!). That's a definite indicator that winter's packing up and going into hibernation. The sun's out, and the snow's melting, and the wind is almost warm today. I'm excited, I hope it stays like this for at least a few days, because now I'm on Spring Break and I can put off my homework for a bit to enjoy the weather.

I'm tempted to ask if we can take the bike out. >.>

I drove home with the windows down and the music up because it was the only way I could think to celebrate finally being done with classes for a whole week and still be safe on the road :D There are people in t-shirts outside. I would go out but I'm too tired to go for a run and there's not much else to do outside yet. Once the weather is consistently above freezing I'm going to start making a container garden on the patio. I miss gardening... it was really fun when I was little, and then academia hit and I didn't have time any more.

Should find a summer job... someone I know works for PENNDOT, and they're paid $10.16/hr or so to hold signs all summer. If I knew where I'd be all summer I'd definitely apply to the DOT for a job. It might mean getting up early and being on your feet all day, but the pay's pretty good and at least I'd get some exercise. It's that, or try to get into a camp/day care, which would be fun but requires so much in the way of clearances and planning and... I, for once, would like to not have to work harder to get a job than to keep it.

I Hurt.

Today I am in a bad mood. My back hurts, I forgot my binder with all my homework at work last night, I have to present in class today and it is Wednesday. I got my paycheck today, after forgetting since Friday, and it's just enough to pay for a quarter of our rent. My next check is going to be really bad since I missed 3 of my 6 days of work, because of the weather. Even though the weather is getting better, things still seem to be going downhill financially. I should be working more hours and another job, but I can't stand the thought, and Rick's not working, which makes me feel even worse that all I'm bringing in is going straight back out.

Meh.

Certain things...

...piss me off. And I use those words because I mean them. There are a few things that make me twitch (bad grammar), some that annoy me (not using turn signals), and many, many things that are mildly irritating (smoking). But only a select group of things really piss me off, and one of those is disrespect, especially coming from people who can dish it out but can't take any.

There is a certain man in the games channel I regularly chat in, husband to one of the channel ops, and a generally knowledgable figure when it comes to the game. They have a grown son and are probably about as old as my parents. I love his wife, she's a great person. He, however, started getting on my nerves a while back, because he's shown increasing disrespect to most of the channel: speaking down to us, picking fights over little things, taking offense if someone didn't see things his way (and many of us didn't). He finally started outright attacking my fiance (calling him a little boy, putting down any arguments, etc), and I finally snapped.

I told him ENOUGH in the public channel. Instead of being sensible, apologizing and shutting up, he said: "i do not know WHO you think you are but when someone tries to pick a fight with me i will respond as i see fit not as others think i should" (typos edited). He was the one who'd started the fight by telling Rick that if he wanted an argument he "should go to someone who is prepared to get down to your level". Coming from him that was more than enough to make Rick leap for his throat. Normally I just duck and cover, but even with testosterone flying I was pretty pissed too, and I went after him.

When I reamed him out in PM, he never replied, but he left the channel PDQ. That kind of person, who's all puffed up with self-importance, rarely stays around long enough to deflate properly, and I hadn't even gotten to the good stuff yet! See, earlier he'd gotten into a spat about the game running on Linux and how his son said it should work (and of course his son is highly paid to know, so he's always right). We had both seen posts on various forums saying it didn't, and I've had enough experience with Linux to know that it doesn't always work smoothly with software designed for windows, even when it logically should. Well, he wouldn't see our point then either... and I even tried to peacemake. So when this next confrontation started up, I should've gone straight for the throat and aimed a few well-placed comments about his dearest son. Pity I was seething mad and didn't remember.

I know, I'm mean. I'm a regular bitch, deep down. As nice as I try to be to everyone, and as much slack as I will cut someone who slips up a few times, this man who's likely twice my age failed in both respect (I give it, I expect it, and I don't care if you're the goddamned Queen of England, you WILL abide by the Golden Rule) and common courtesy (continuing to attack in-channel when asked by an uninvolved party to move it to PM, twice, then attacking said party). Not to mention his typing sucks (he blames his keyboard) and that makes me twitch.

Useless.

A little while ago, the exhaust finally rusted all the way through on the Probe. The boy sized it up, ordered the parts (an entire new system, from header all the way back), and then it started snowing. Today's been the warmest (37* F) that it's going to get for a while. He'd already decided to work on the car today, no matter what the weather did, so he's out there pulling things apart, and I'm in here regaining feeling in my toes... after two minutes outside.

I feel absolutely, mind-numbingly useless. I get cold so fast I could probably chill meat better than the freezer. But it's not over-all, hypothermia cold, it's just hands-and-feet cold, which makes it worse 'cause no matter how much I bundle up, my extremities lose heat, and no amount of warmth in the rest of me will travel to my toes. Every time I go outside and stand for more than a minute, I end up walking painfully around for half an hour after, trying to encourage my circulatory system to do its damn job, and wondering how I've managed to survive this long without severe frostbite.

I'd like to blame my mother and her smoking habits, but I think it's more genetic than anything. Dad's thin as a rail, mom has low blood pressure (or so she claims). Put the two together, and you end up with me - no insulation and a dysfunctional circulatory system. I'm like a lizard. I could freeze on a summer day, if you kept me in the shade long enough. And that makes me hopeless as far as even keeping the boy company; even when I'm interested, I'm never able to stay warm enough to stay outside. It pisses me off. I don't WANT to be forced inside every five minutes because I have toe-sicles. I especially hate being forced to stay inside for half an hour or more waiting for them to warm up. My body is useless.

On Education, Magic, and Why I'd Rather Be Farming.

Ah, school. The source of most of my joy (and stress) over the last 15 years. Last semester was one of the best I've ever had. It was the worst my sister and boyfriend have ever had. I decided that this semester, to go along with the academic probation, they're on my watchlist. I had to push the boy out the door for class today. He didn't want to go to Math (I don't blame him). But if he starts skipping classes this semester like he did last semester, I'm going to push him out the door a lot more. Same goes for sister. It makes me feel like a regular bitch saying this, but I don't want to hear excuses; if you can stay upright, you can go to class. She is NOT allowed to skip class, to hang out with too many boys, etc. Am I mean? Probably. Am I putting my nose where it doesn't belong? Undoubtedly. Do I care? Not an atom. I am concerned for the grades and future of the people I love, and that makes it important for me to be pushing them to go to class, do their homework, etc. And being a bitch makes a good motivator for getting my work done, too. If I slip up, I lose my leverage, and then I start skipping, too. And that's terrible. Because despite my wit, beauty, experience with children, and "above-average intelligence", I still need a degree to convince someone that I'm worth hiring.

Speaking of terrible, I found something that I thought really picks up on the Dark Side of Disney (tm). Quote from a BookCrossing article (here):
What happens when you release a book in a public area and an employee picks it up and delivers it to Lost & Found? This question has formed the basis for a good deal of discussion in the Forum. One thread warns that releasing on Disney property will result in the books disappearing into eternal limbo.
And an actual quote from what I assume is a Disney employee: "This book looks lame, so I'm sending it to our Central Lost and Found department where it will languish in obscurity pretty much forever. I'm glad to be breaking the chain of your stupid book-trading idea." Now, part of me is outraged at the personal attack on Book-Crossing and the BC'er who released that book, but another part of me is utterly horrified by the sheer apathy this person is showing. First: "This book looks lame". Yeah? And? If I were less mature I'd be telling that person "Your mom looks lame". Seriously, there isn't much worse you can call something than "lame" to signify exactly how little you care - you didn't even come up with a more descriptive adjective! That's sad, in many ways. Second: The person isn't even going to leave the book for someone who might want it, and apparently doesn't consider the fact that their comment is annoying and hurtful to the bookcrossing community. That's anti-social to an extreme degree; I can understand being disillusioned after working at Disney (what do you believe, once you know how the "magic" is worked, and how many vapid people are waiting to buy tickets?), but this is just appalling. They could have at least handed the book to a co-worker who reads... there has to be ONE somewhere down there. Finally: What kind of person is glad to be dropping more things into a Lost and Found, especially books, knowing they'll never be claimed?

They're obviously in my age group. No full-grown adult in my realm of knowledge uses the word "Lame". They're relatively intelligent. "languish in obscurity" is not the kind of language my peers are known for using (okay, so my friends do, but I'm picky about my friends). And, worst of all, they work for a place that inspires (or used to, I'm not sure any more) millions of children every year. HOW DO YOU WORK WITH CHILDREN, AND THEN TURN AROUND AT THE END OF THE DAY AND WRITE SCATHING MESSAGES TO PEOPLE WHO WERE ONLY OUT TO BRIGHTEN SOMEONE'S DAY, AND ENJOY DOING IT? How? Why would someone so... lost be allowed to work with children? Granted, I don't think Disney is a role model for kids of any age, these days, but still... the people who work there, of all places, should realize the value those kids put on them. I don't care if all you do is clean up after them, you're important to making the magic happen. Don't ruin it, please.

There are a lot of people in this world who have given up on the entire human race. I've almost done it myself several times, and I'm only 20. Fortunately I was blessed with a father who tried to see the good in everyone and passed that habit on to me with some success. Still, there are times when I wonder what's happened to us, because there's too much stress, not enough childhood, and even though we're living longer, we're also living less well. No one I know is really happy - by which I mean constantly living with that sun-warmed, satisfied, almost sleepy feeling one gets sometimes, after a long day of good, enjoyable work, and friends, and healthy food - and that makes me even less happy. I am going to make a living of telling students that what will make them (and me) happy is performance, even though I know better. What makes us really happy, in my experience, is everything in moderation, and a lot of belly laughs. You can't get that in schools (where they drill reading and math like it will be our salvation), in most workplaces (where we do one thing all day, every day, and the stress just keeps coming), or even in many homes (where we strive to have the "perfect" house with big-screen TV, "nice" car, well-groomed children who we pretend don't have the flaws that we fear they do). Sometimes, I just want to quit all of this, find a cheap place in the country, and start over with a cow, a few chickens and a garden. Then I think I would be missed or left for crazy (which is worse than left for dead, because sometimes people feel obligated to visit), and I go back to my "Education of Exceptional Persons" and "Language Arts Across the Curriculum", and think: at least one day I'll be on the other side of the desk. At least I'll never be rich enough to worry about money.

Filler.

It's been a while. I've been "busy". Winter this year hasn't brought much respite like it usually does, since having an apartment means a lot more cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. Responsibility is a tough thing to handle when all you want to do is sleep in. The new semester starts next Wednesday, and I'm feeling less prepared than I did as a freshman, somehow. This is going to be the toughest semester in terms of sheer coursework that I've had yet, and I'm hoping that it won't pull me under.

I'm going to be working on campus at the library still, 4 more hours than last semester, but not enough to pay the rent... so another job is in order. I quit TNS before Christmas, having had enough of ungrateful people screaming into my ear 5 hours a night. "What do you think you're doing calling on a Sunday night?" "Paying my way through college, sir."

The kitten (did I mention the kitten last time) is getting bigger, and older, but no less silly. We need to call the vet and get him neutered, when we find the money. At least he's a strictly indoor cat. I don't trust the high-school kids who rev their engines down the block. We've also acquired a pair of mice to keep the pair of hamsters company. Hercules (the brown one) and Ares (the white one) are pretty friendly, despite being messy (as all mice are). They don't care much about the girls, though. I guess rodents don't like to mingle.

I only have 3 more semesters before graduation - and then graduate school. Where has the time gone?

All work and no play...

I have a lot of work to do. I admit, I played quite a bit over Thanksgiving break (Sid Meyers' Pirates is quite addictive), but I still can't understand how the work piled up so fast. I have two five-page papers due in the next week, one of which needs to be in Spanish (the other's done except for the bibliography, as of ten minutes ago, and I wrote most of it in an hour...), two lesson plans to teach in the next week and a half, an activity to come up with for my health presentation tomorrow, three core journals to make up (not likely to happen...), a math write-up to finish for tomorrow, reading to do, a magazine article to think about, and guitar chords to memorize. And I work every night this week, on top of all that. And I'm sick. Christmas break is only two weeks away...

...I can't wait till next semester, when I'll be even busier. I'm going to quit TNS if it means living off my student loan for a while until I find another job, because I can't stand the place and it feels like all it's doing is wasting my time, even if I do have the money for rent because of it. There's a job opening working with mentally challenged adults, and I'm going to apply as soon as I can. It pays just as well, and would be a lot more worthy of my time than calling people to bother them with questions about their calls to Verizon.

I am not doing much for christmas this year. Money and time prevent it. I feel a little bad, but at the same time I'm relieved that no one else has any money either, so it's not like I'm going to be buried in gifts and unable to return the favor. We shall see what the holiday brings. At the very least, I'll catch up on my sleep.

Want to waste an hour of your day? http://video.google.nl/videoplay?docid=8809393662634963976
Here's a video on Scientology.

NaNoWriMo is coming up again. I'm now ML for the IUP area, so those who would like free swag should join up, post in the PA:Elsewhere forums, come to the first meeting, and maybe even bring a friend! Personally, I'll be happy if five people show up. I actually have a novel-ish idea this year, and I'm planning to finish no matter what. :D It's my way of telling November that it will NOT mess with me. Three years in a row is enough, already.

Class registration is underway. I have to get an override to take 18.5 credits next semester, and hope like crazy that I can get my Spanish minor done, although I don't know that my second 3 credits of the 6 I got from Mexico will be any use at all. I emailed my professor to ask if the credits are useless, and if they are I am going to petition the Spanish department about it. I lived in Mexico for six weeks and took a class that reviewed a lot of their recent history and politics, shouldn't that count toward/as "20th Century Spanish American Culture and Civ"? (Coincidentally, that's the last class I'd need to take for my minor, and it doesn't fit in my schedule at all, ever.) I'm registered for Education of Exceptional Persons, Language Arts Across the Curriculum, Survey of Peninsular Literature (SPAN 362), Identity in Horror Lit (Honors Senior Synthesis Class, the only one I could take because the other option next semester was a $2000 trip to Italy), Multicultural/Multiethnic Education, Fundamentals of Environmental Biology (the one thing in the way of that Spanish class is the Bio Lab, which makes me hate it already). I need to get an override because those 6 classes only add up to 15.5 credits (get this, Bio's worth 2.5! for 2 hours of work! and 2 hours of class!), but I need to get into a 3-credit Honors section of Creative Writing, and I can't take over 17.9 credits. Bah.

I hope you skipped that paragraph, it was for my own memory more than your information. Anyway. Summary: Things are going really well and I'm REALLY busy.

"Grant me the strength...

...to change the things I can, the patience to deal with the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference."

It's been a while since I've posted here, with good reason. There's just too much to do in a day already without sitting down and telling people about it. But I've been thinking too much again, which means it's time for a long, boring blog post so I can get things off my chest and go back to the mindless tedium of everyday life.

I've been less than happy lately, and the "why" lies in the above quote. I still don't have the patience to deal with life. Little things get to me more than they should, and the end-of-semester disregard for classes has set in early. I missed a test this morning because I overslept, and I don't care as much as I "should" according to everyone else's standards.

Don't get me wrong, life isn't bad at all. I work a lot, yes, and I'm taking 17 hours of classes this semester. I don't have a lot of time to hang out with friends but I've been doing well so far with taking opportunities as they come. My homework usually gets done on time and I even made it to the first concert of the semester at the coffeehouse. I have things planned out for the semester, and most of them have gone well.

I just feel like I've lost control of the rest of my life. I'm never quite caught up with everything I forgot to do yesterday, never quite ready for tomorrow, and never able to really get away and rest. I miss the days when I could skip class and can peaches instead. I miss being able to choose what I was going to do on a daily basis. I miss being selfish, maybe. I hate hearing "we need the money" when I want to skip work, no matter how true it is. I am frustrated by "It's just a rule we have" or "You're not allowed to do that". Call me a typical Pisces, but I hate living in this world. I want a full-time escape.

Oh, the thinks you can think!

I found some more interesting bits of Internet today.
Philips Norelco has a new marketing campaign, and apparently NoScruff is Gilette's answer to P-N. The things you can get away with online...

"You poor baby..."

So last week, the Boy found a pet store in the area, and we went looking for a pet that we were allowed to have. The landlady had told us no dogs whatsoever (and after the smell the last tenants left in this apartment, I can see why), but cats were an arguable possibility and small things kept in cages were all right. On our way out the door, our downstairs neighbors caught us and asked us a rather silly question - they had just been given a kitten by a friend, but already had two cats, and would we take him? (Of course we would!). So the apartment is now home to one anklebiting kitten named Loki, and two lovely hamsters named Xena and Gabrielle. They get along all right, so far... although Loki has decided that if it moves, it's worthy of attack. This involves more danger to our feet than to the hamsters.

In other news, I'm surviving my job better than expected. Being paid to call people and convince them to take surveys isn't the most glamorous job, but it has its perks. I don't have to deal with anyone face-to-face, I can tell them off (politely) if they say something about the Do Not Call List (since we only collect information we're not bound by the list), and I occasionally get a really nice person on the phone. Like last night: One woman early in the night actually stopped short after my introduction and said "oh, this is what you do for a living, isn't it? You poor baby...". I'm still not sure if I'm insulted or comforted by that, but she did the survey, and that's what matters. The last call of the night was also noteworthy. She had a great sense of humor and even though her opinion of my survey topic wasn't very positive, she was honest about it and didn't mind the survey at all. She made me think that this job might just be workable.

School starts in one week. I have almost everything I need, although I don't think I'm at all ready for academia yet. Summer has gone by far too quickly and with too much worry, and I wish I had a few more weeks to relax and earn some money before I have to stress about school, work and the sudden uprising of every extracurricular in existence, all at once. This year, along with the six classes and work at the telesurvey place, I'm going to try to hold down a supervisor position at the library (yay, promotion!), tutor for KidsRead again, work with my favorite theatre group, get to at least one meeting of ECO (environmentalism is FUN!), find time to hang out with friends, and get a decent amount of sleep. I'm sure I can do it, if I schedule everything correctly...
Good luck to the few of my blog-readers who are also starting school soon!

Poly-ticks.

I just checked up on the latest news from Mexico...
Sound familiar? Think November 2004.
This makes me wonder what Mexico will look like by next year...

The Mexicans have a long and bloody history of overthrowing governments and the last few decades have been stable mostly due to a single party keeping control of the political scene. This, however, looks like a bad year. The Zapatistas were marching in Mexico City earlier this year... and now there's escalating violence between the parties. I was really hoping this would be a smooth governmental transition, for everyone's sake. I worry about my friends in Mexico.

Moved in...

Long time no post, eh? I've been busy with moving an entire apartment's worth of stuff into a new apartment, finding a job, cleaning and putting things away and going to the library and generally getting set up. We got Adelphia to come out and hook up the cable today so we have internet access, which is a relief. It wasn't that much of a bother to get over to the library, except that we don't have the quarters to put in a parking meter so we had to go after 5 when they stop ticketing on campus, or walk, which neither of us has felt like doing in this heat. Thankfully we haven't had to use the air conditioning yet.

Boy and I both found jobs at the second largest telesurvey group in the world. They pay $7/hr weekdays and $8.50 Friday night through Sunday (and it goes up from there as you log hours), so it will pay the bills and maybe leave some for other things. The work's not bad, if you don't mind sitting in front of a computer and phone all day. It definitely puts the whole industry in a new light... although telemarketers still suck. We just do surveys. Interesting fact: Survey companies aren't legally bound by the Do Not Call list, so we can call anyone we like.

We met an interesting old lady the other day just down the road as we were taking a morning walk. She was very talkative, and I don't think she's had anyone pay much attention to her lately, but she was friendly and not too off-the-wall so we stood and politely listened for a while. I always wonder why more people don't stop and talk to the elderly residents who are always on their front porches or in their gardens, like they're hoping the next person to walk down the street will stop and say hello. Not enough people walk these days, except as morning exercise, though, and even fewer are willing to take time out of their 'busy' schedule to converse with a lonely old woman. She told us she was thankful for being attentive listeners, and it was pretty easy to see that we had made her day by stopping to say Good Morning. Things like that are why I haven't quite lost faith in humanity.

Horror

Tonight was a link-jumping night. I started here - at the MysticWicks forum. The thread is interesting, to say the least. From there, I hopped to a blog that seems to be encouraging all kinds of interesting beliefs in the name of proving that 2012 will be an eventful year. Honestly... what year won't? From the blog, I jumped to a news article about Europe and this very interesting essay. That's where I found this quote:

"Half of the nearly two million Iraqi casualties are children under the age of five. That's more than 330 WTC's full of little kids. By comparison, only six children under the age of five died on September 11, 2001."

Makes you think, doesn't it? Why are we doing this to the innocents of the world when there are murderers in the streets of NYC and "terrorists" crossing the border to Canada (and probably coming back in, too)? What did a five-year-old girl from Iraq ever do to Dubya that she deserves to watch her family die or become cripples at the hands of American WMDs? We bomb them because they can't fight back, apparently. Just once I would like to see our beloved president put up against the wall and facing a lineup of the people he's sentenced to death because of the American Government's lust for oil and power. Women, children, fathers; dying to keep the H2s on the road. There is no reason for this holocaust. But we're in America, and I'm supposed to be patriotic. Heil Bush!

To those who still blindly support the "War on Terror *(for Oil)":
I hope you spend an agonizing eternity staring at the torn bodies of the people you murdered.

Home, home and deranged....

Not really, but it sounds fun. I am finally back in Pittsburgh, and staying here until August 3, when we move into a new apartment (don't you love moving? So much heavy lifting, ugh.) and three weeks after that, school starts. Hopefully I will be able to pull together enough money for books, rent, registering and insuring the Probe (yes, yes, laugh at the car. I love it.) and other things I ought to be spending my money on. Mm, bills. As the job hunt here is only halfheartedly going at all, and finding a job for three weeks is hardly worth the effort of going through interviews, I may just email the person I heard from this spring, about getting a lifeguarding job on campus. That would be something, at least.. although if it's campus-connected it's probably minimum wage, and THAT just sucks. A lot.

Hm. There's nothing geekier than sitting right next to your significant other and being on separate computers. Especially when you're playing the same game. ^_^ (which we may be doing, shortly). I've also been dragged into the forumworld again, although I suppose I can find time for a few posts every now and then. Life gets busy, you know?

And speaking of busy, I have a lazy day to get started on. :D I love days off.

It's the 22nd. That means in two days I will be getting off the plane in Pittsburgh. I am inexpressably excited by this, and have told my professor so. He asked "What happened?" I should have told him the truth: He happened, and pissed me off to the point of wanting to bash in heads, but I said "Six weeks here" and he took it to mean that it's been quite long enough, thank you, and I like it here but am ready to go home. Which it has and I do and I am.

Tonight we go shopping for hopefully the last time, and I will try not to spend too much money (although I have very little to begin with). The space I left in my bags to accomodate presents is already full... should be fun dragging them through customs.

This is a wonderful place, and I want to come back some day... but next time, I'm coming on my own. It's a hell of a lot cheaper.

¡4 paginas!

Today, I wrote a 3.5 page paper (en español por supesto), and did an entire powerpoint presentation. All 7 slides. It should have been more, but eh, it's done and it's going to get us a B at least, if we talk slowly enough (it's supposed to be 15 minutes), and that's fine with me and my partner. My back is sore, my muscles are tense, my sinus cavities are congested and I am hungry... but my major work for the next two weeks is done.

On Saturday we are going to Taxco, a region famous for its silver mines and silverwork. I am looking forward to blowing a lot of money on expensive (but cheaper-than-at-home) pieces of jewelry to remember México by. I deserve it, or so I have told myself. After all, I have survived 6 weeks of a manic-depressive director and a crazy group of classmates, a too-hard mattress, a power outage (that was fun), and hours and hours in busses going to "the most important anthropological site in México" (all of them, apparently). I need something to remember it all by, and what better remembrance than shiny pieces of silver with pretty stones in them?

Okay, so pictures would suffice. After all, I do have a few hundred by now, and will be taking more before we leave. I just want to go shopping. It's been a long time since I had the complete freedom to spend as much money as I wanted on whatever I wanted. My mother even told me to enjoy the rest of my time here, because I might not get to come back.

Although speaking of coming back, I would enjoy returning at some point. I like it here despite the cockroaches in the shower. I even managed to find my way home from halfway across the city the other day - which with my sense of direction, is a miracle. It's a sign that I've adjusted, and unfortunately I have to adjust back to America. Not happy about the Official English Language Bill that's being pushed right now... although the argument is that it does not deny anyone the right to speak any other language and will help unify the country. It does push for everyone to learn English, which many people have avoided doing thus far, because all official documents and signs will be in English. And it will force people out of jobs - why have a bilingual person working a job when everyone needs to speak English anyway, eh? I am studying Spanish because there is (or was) a demand for bilingual workers. If the official language is English, where am I going to find a job that would choose me over an adequately qualified English-only speaker? I am thinking about boycotting English for a few days when I get back, just to piss everyone off and show them that I prefer our country the way it is - unified under the ideal of diversity.

Signing off, because Chili's awaits and their garlic shrimp alfredo is calling my name...

16 Days.

UNINTER is a great university. I love it here. They have new students coming in every single week, and a big "Welcome" sign at the door to let us know which universities have arrived. This week, SUNY Fredonia was on the list.

...W.T.F.? Our tiny little local artistic community college has a study abroad connection to Mexico, at the same university as I happen to be at? I am mildly weirded out by this. Especially since my first reaction to seeing Fredonia on the list was to turn and run lest the people I know from that school show up here.

So. Two weeks to go, if you don't count tomorrow, which I don't because it is going to be the easiest day we have had here so far. I don't think I have classes, because most of the class is going to Acapulco and I don't think having only two people in my grammar class is going to work out so well. Therefore a group of us may end up in Mexico City for the day. Ah, pollution, traffic and loads of tourist attractions...

I want to go horseback riding but my search thus far has turned up a grand total of one place to go, and this by word of mouth and I do not know the name of the place nor how far away it is. Meh.

*Touristy observations about how nice things are, complaint about taxis in foreign countries, notes on nice shopping center.* That is all.

¡Más Mexico! 2: Culture Shock

The first thing most people tell you about living in another country is that you will experience "culture shock." They are very right. The first thing most people tell you about Mexico is "Don't drink the water." That's also right. The first two things I had to get used to about Cuernavaca were both sanitation-related, and from what I hear that's usually the case worldwide. The water here isn't drinkable, and it's a very new experience for me, coming from a house where I could drink water straight from a spring on our hillside, to have to lug a bottle of purified water with me everywhere. The other sanitation issue is the sewer system. The plumbing in most of Mexico can't handle toilet paper and other semi-solids en masse, so we have to throw our used toilet paper into a garbage can in the bathroom. It's cleaned daily but it's one of those things that most tourists would immediately shelve under "eeeeeeewwwwwwwww." Personally I don't care, as long as it's being disposed of properly it's no dirtier to throw it away seperately than to toss it into the sewers with the rest of your waste. Of course, I have no idea how it's disposed of...

Culture shock is also a big problem because of little things like gestures, mannerisms, etc. It's a different social system down here, and while many estadounidenses can get by without changing their ways, when you live with a family and have to interact with civilians every day it's easier to pick up on mannerisms than to be labeled as a clueless tourista and have everyone make an effort to speak to you in bad English.

Food: Big problems for some people. For someone like me who will try anything (and usually like it), mexican food only poses a challenge because it's a dietary change. For those picky "I only eat xxxx food" people you're better off finding a restaurant (there's a very nice chinese one in town...) and eating out. A lot of my classmates had major stomach problems while adjusting to the Mexican diet. I admit, I had a few days of mild discomfort, but I've adjusted much better than many others. The food here is a lot spicier at times (think salsa of some type with every meal), but it's also a lot less greasy and a lot more natural. Whole wheat bread, corn-flour tortillas, meat without growth hormones or steroids or antibiotics, fruit juice freshly squeezed, natural (unbleached) cane sugar. Mmmmm....

I think I like Mexico. It's hard to get used to taking taxis everywhere and remembering not to drink the water, eat fruit from street vendors, etc, but it's definitely not as much of a culture shock as I expected it to be. I thank my Spanish professor (Thank you, Sra. Parsons!) for that.

Más México: Manejando (Driving)

I figured since I was going to be here for a while I´ll do an entry a week or so, and since there is so much to talk about I am going to focus on one or two things per entry.

Driving in Mexico - yikes! The first thing I noticed about Mexico is that most of the cars here are tiny - Volkswagon seems to be a very popular brand name here. There are a lot of very old VW Bugs around, half of them painted bright green and acting as Taxis. The rest of the population drives VW Pointers (something like the US Jetta), the occasional Chrysler? Spirit (yeah, I don´t know, but it´s not Dodge) or Ford Focus, and other small family cars. The taxis consist of a fleet of Nissans, which makes me wonder. They´re not all the same company, but nearly every taxi in the city is a Nissan Tsuru. The only large vehicles on the roads are the busses, which run all over the city and beyond, and move very quickly despite the narrow streets.

Also interesting is that most of the cars here are manual transmission - I think I´ve seen one automatic in the entire week I´ve been staring at the city´s traffic. I am both amused and pleased by this finding. I think I like it here. Unfortunately, driving standard doesn´t mean the people move any slower or farther apart - every time we come to a stop behind someone else on a hill, I swear we´re going to be hit when they roll back.

People here drive like maniacs. I know in the US we think we´re bad drivers, but these guys aren´t bad, they´re good - at being very very dangerous. Turn signals are usually ignored (ah, it´s just like home!). Lanes of traffic? If no one´s coming there are usually two lanes going the same way in a two-way street. Passing is done wherever possible no matter what the lines on the road look like, and people cut in front of each other at intersections in ways that would result in regular 20-car pile-ups where I´m from. They´re all very respectful of each other, to a degree - if someone is more aggressive than you, you just let them go first. It´s awful to be a pedestrian here. What´s worse, there are speed bumps of various kinds all over the city but a lot of people will speed up between them and then hit the brakes just before they go over one. The speed bumps would be a good idea in the US, I think. At least they keep top speed down to 45 or so between bumps.

Pedestrians here don´t have any rights either. There´s not much protection in the way of crosswalks at intersections and even if there are crosswalks, good luck getting someone to acknowledge them. Mostly you just wait for a gap in traffic and run for your life. Of course, walking isn´t a preferred method of travel anyway, because the cities here are pretty much coated in smog. Cuernavaca´s not that bad comparatively speaking - Mexico City looks like it´s under a London fog on a good day.

It´s been an adventure, riding with our nice, tiny little host mother and nearly being t-boned, rolled back into, hitting police officers, etc. Beware, vacationers: if the water doesn´t kill you, the drivers will. :D

Más Español

Grades are up. I got two B´s (How I ended up with a B in Core is beyond me but GAH!) and four As. My GPA is still intact at 3.6 but I´d rather it have been higher. *sigh*

(later) And I do not like these ten-minute breaks very much. I´d rather they give us a few 20-minute or half-hour breaks between classes than have ten minutes in the middle of a class to run and check email etc before going back to thinking in Spanish. Es difícil.

So far I´m thinking I´ll be okay and not run out of money - things here are cheap, although I buy a lot more here than I did at home because I get snack food, bottles of water, I´ve eaten out half the nights this week and I am also looking for souveneirs for my friends and family. If you have any specific requests or have heard of fun things I could buy in the region of Morelos, email me! :)

(much, much later) Okay. Bien. Now I have some time before mamá me recoge. This weekend our group is going to visit las pirámides de Teotihuacán. We watched a history channel video on it to learn something before we go, and found out that the reason the city/civilization fell is most likely because of overpopulation/deforestation - they were using up all their wood to burn limestone and make lime to plaster their walls and monuments with. Studying old civilizations fascinates me. If I weren´t a teacher or a librarian I´d be an archaeologist and go digging for all kinds of neat things. I think it´s more fun to read about them than to spend hours in the boiling sun digging them up, though...

Got to talk to the boy for a second time this week (twice isn´t much when you´re used to every day, but it´s better than nothing at all). I have an exam coming up in one of my classes and I also have to think up a short presentation-thing about my favorite movie using preterite and imperfect. Geh, grammar. I know mine needs work but I wish I could work on it some other way. I´m so tired of hearing the words Preterito y Imperfecto that when we actually move on to something else it will be very welcome.

So far every day has been a new adventure. There was the adventure of the Devil Key, the Adventure of Los Arcos, and the Adventure of the Lost Taxista. I think there was another one that I´ve forgotten, too. I´m writing un diario every day so I don´t forget, and so when I get back I can share everything without having to talk myself hoarse.

¡México!

Estoy aquí en Mexico, y estoy diviertando, pero es difícil estar tan lejos de mi familia, de mi novio y de las computadoras.

I think my scalp is sunburned because we spend an hour every day sitting in the sun en el patio, for our conversation groups. Today we talked about los universitarios (los estudiantes de universidades), and about los mitos y leyendas Mexicanas. In our Modern Mexico class we´re reading una leyenda de los volcanos Popocatépetl y Ixtaccíhuatl (Popo y Ixi). According to la leyenda, Ixi era una princesa Azteca, y Popo era su amante. They were separated because Popo was una guerrera, a soldier, who had to go to war, and when he came back he found her dead because she had been lied to by someone else who wanted to marry her (he told her Popo had been killed). So he carried her to las montañas y los dioses les transformaron into two volcanoes.

It´s really warm here in the afternoons, although morning and evening are cool and usually damp. It´s rained lightly every day so far. I love it. I do miss everyone, though.

Time to go - my host mother will be here soon. Hopefully I´ll be able to do a once-a-week update while I´m here...

Fragments.

News From Mexico. Not meant to scare, but to inform. Something should be done.

The last time someone told me or my friends to "Grow Up!", it was my former roommate. She followed it up by stomping off and muttering "Fuck you." I don't think you want me to put you on that list of people I consider immature because you pass judgement on people before you bother trying to understand them.

The weather here was 30* last night and over 65* this afternoon. I believe this is absurd.

The PRIDE chalking for Day of Silence won the IUP Chalk-on-the-Walk contest in the Oak Grove yesterday. Last night I walked for 20 minutes to see all the chalkings before shuffling inconsiderate feet destroyed them. They were, for the most part, beautiful. I wanted to take pictures but my camera isn't working and it was too dark to use the cell phone.

I took part in Day of Silence yesterday. The guys at work tried to "crack" me and get me to talk, and failed.

I leave the country on the 14th. In some ways, I wish I was never coming back, although I'm sure I'll be glad to be home after six weeks.

There once was a frog...

in the middle of a bog. A small, green frog, on a half-sunk log, in the middle of the bog.

This morning I got up bright and early to do a story reading assignment for my Children's Literature class. The mission: to find a group of children, read one or more stories to them, and record our reading. The problem: I ended up with a temperamental tape recorder. I read two stories, did very well with both of them, and ended up with one recording: the test recording I'd made last night, plus a "testing, testing" just before it, which I recorded this morning to ensure that I didn't end up with a blank tape. And I ended up with what might as well be a blank tape, despite the fact that there is a full recording of me reading a story to myself. I hate technology. Now I have to explain that I did the reading, read a story about paper cranes, passed out paper cranes to the small children, gave some to the librarian and left the tape player "recording" the whole time, and ended up with NADA. I'm sure she'll understand, but it still sucks. I wanted to be successful for once. Next time, I'm just inviting her along so she can grade me in person. Screw technology. Gah.

Television

I did a very silly thing and turned on the television this afternoon, and it has sucked away my time. The original intent was to see if Chronicles of Narnia really was going to be playing tonight on one of the college broadcasts, but I ended up watching SciFi instead. There is a new movie/miniseries/something by Stephen King, called Kingdom Hospital. It's scary (of course). And I kinda like it.

I should be doing homework, but I am a television addict. Curses to the inventors of television. Curses, I say!

At least there are commercial breaks...

Honors Core and all things Dreadful

The weather sucks, my homework sucks, and life in general sucks. My job, on the other hand, was made more exiting by a fight upstairs between a patron and a staff member (I missed seeing it but heard the whole story from the guys who went running up there). And for once, my Honors Core readings haven't been so dry you could dehydrate by reading them. Journals and discussion remain tedious, however.

I was invited to dress up and beat people with padded weaponry this summer; it looks like loads of fun but I'm not sure I'll have the time, nor will the boy, who would not want me to go without him. I understand that, 'cause he's geekier than I am by far :p Still, the summer looks promising. I can get out of finals on the 10th of May, I leave for Mexico on the 13th, get back on the 24th of June, and hopefully can find a job in Pittsburgh and live with the boy till we move in to our new apartment at the beginning of August. Joy! Even if we're both working full-time this summer it'll be better than school AND work, and we'll be together. And it will be warm - oh, I miss being warm.

I am a failure at being organized but I have hope that one of these days I'll actually manage it. So far all I've done is declare Spring Cleaning officially started and sort out some crap from the top of my dresser/desk. Textbooks are next; I need to find a way to put them up so they're not in stacks on the floor and I can get to them easily. Bookshelf? But then I'd have to move some of my beloved fantasy novels... hm. Well, I'll figure it out. Back to the homework.

And so, dear reader(s), I leave you with this:
Excerpt from Gary Marcus, The birth of the mind. (2004) NY: Basic Books.

"...saying that a trait can be "attributed" to genes is not the same thing as saying it is caused by genes; heritabilities are just measures of correlation, and correlation never guarantees causation. Almost all Jedi Knights are male and hence bear Y chromosomes, so statistically speaking, the chance of being a Jedi Knight is tied to the presence or absence of a Y chromosome. But Princess Leia may have the Force, too; perhaps the real problem is not a lack of talent, but a lack of opportunity - maybe the Jedi powers-that-be in her era tended not to give females equal consideration for Yoda's Jedi boot camp (though I hear that equal opportunity could reach the Force in Episode VII). Y chromosomes would then be correlated with who gets to be a Jedi, but they would not be a cause of being one."
p. 10
/random geekitude, from an Associate Prof. of Psych. at NYU. He cites a source, too - a personal communication from a friend.

Bye, Bye, Sunshine...

I hate you, Winter, Oh yes I do,
I hate you, Winter, please just be through.
When it starts snowing, I'm blue,
Oh Winter, I hate you!

Gah. Half a week in New York and it's back to the usual damp, icy-cold March weather complete with IUP-worthy windstorms. The house is chilly, my computer's in the shop waiting hopefully for a faster processor, and I'm feeling ugly (in the attitude sort of way) due to lack of adequate food/sleep/warm bodies to cuddle with.

Today I got up at 6 so I could go down to the computer shop with mom and sit around while she worked and then sit around some more while the guys came in and worked and finally get my computer into a spot on the long bench full of test monitors and such, and work on it. I tore out the two tiny hard drives (10 and 12GB) and they gave me a 120GB drive to replace them. Oh, ecstasy. So with that and a faster processor I'll be purring for a while, methinks. I also put two new office chairs together for them - go me. I am teh mechanicz0r. And yes, I read the instructions. I am not dumb but I do like to get things right the first time.

Spring Break is turning out to be Spring Cleaning/Working/Fighting with Sisters, but that was to be expected. I still have homework to do, too.

Oh, I forgot to mention...

My roommate, who was causing me all sorts of stress because we never talked, finally got fed up, "gave" me the room, and took an empty single down the hall just before Valentine's Day. I have reason to believe that our lack of communication was the main reason she left, although I also suspect that her upbringing in an upper-middle-class family with three brothers (and therefore no one to share with) made her especially unable to share a room with someone who was so radically different. I'm not sure she could have shared a room with her twin without getting bitchy.

I walked into the room one afternoon and she was packing. She said we needed to talk, I sat down, she gave me one short rant about feeling disrespected and my boyfriend having driven her out of the room (he was here once every two weeks, on average, while hers was around once a week at least) and went back to packing furiously. I didn't even bother arguing, because she had the same look on her face that my little sister gets sometimes - the "I dare you to tell me I'm wrong so I can bite your head off" look. It wasn't worth bitching her out if she was leaving and so I just fed her some BS line about wishing we could have worked out our differences and went mildly back to my corner.

Since then we've exchanged two greetings and one half-argument. The time before last time I saw her, we were in line together at the food court and she purposely ignored everything in my general direction. I was almost amused by it. This weekend, she came to the door and pounded on it, and before I had the sense to pretend I was away, I opened it and came face to face with a Puffed Up Angry Bitch. The conversation went something like this: (translations for those who weren't there to see facial expressions, although mine was mostly deadpan/surprise)
"I want my marker back." (NOW. OR I WILL WHINE AT YOU.) *glareglareglare*
*wtf?* "I don't have it. And he (indicating my boyfriend, who she was glaring at around the half-open door) has been here with me all day. (BACK OFF AND GO WHINE TO SOMEONE ELSE.)
"O RLY? Blahblahblah I GAVE you this room (really? You didn't even ask if I wanted it...), you fuck with my whiteboard (um... right. 'Cause I care that much.) and you need to grow up!" (I WILL CRY. I AM NOT ABLE TO DEAL WITH THIS.)
"Well, look. We don't know where your marker is. I haven't done anything to you and I'm not going to." (I DON'T CARE, GO AWAY.)
*stomps off* "Fuck you. Fuck you both." (ANGST! BITTER ANGST!)
"Thank you." (BEEN THERE, HEARD THAT, DON'T THINK IT'S MATURE OR NECESSARY.)

The boy found her whiteboard marker under the water fountain a few feet down the hall from her door - it had fallen off and probably been kicked there accidentally. Shit happens, hon. He put it back sans comment. I would have gladly handed her all four of my extra markers if it would have made her stop hating us and disappear, but she has her mind set and arguing with a pissed-off teenager is like arguing with some Christians: They never really listen to your side as long as they can hear theirs.

The erasing of her whiteboard was not my fault any of the three or four times it happened. The boy did it once or twice and I don't really care, if she has problems with him she can approach him. I'm not his keeper nor his mother, and he can take care of himself. Oddly enough, since one of those erasings was mid-week when the boy wasn't here, I suspect she has problems with more people than just us.

And in other news, I'm halfway to 40 today (March 6). (Thank you, classmate, for pointing this out) It's time for my quarter-life crisis now... :P

Burning the candle at both ends

My Pedagogy teacher (who speaks with a delightful southern accent, it makes me giggle to think about) told me I need to do something about being so tired. "Can you cut down yoah houas at work?" she asked me. And of course I can't... the money's more important than sleep is at this point. But she says if I sleep through another exam I won't get a make-up, points off or no. I'll just fail.

So yes, I am too busy for my own good. By tuesday night I usually feel like it's Friday. But here it is Friday and I'm supposed to be working on a 10-15 page paper, and I'm messing around online instead. My schedule looks kinda like this:
Monday: Chicken-with-its-head-cut-off day. Running around almost constantly from 8am to 2am.
Tuesday: Pretty much the same thing but I have to dress up and catch a bus at 7:30. Pre-Student Teaching is fun!
Wednesday: 8am-11, and 12:30-2, then a break till work at 6.
Thursday: Blessed sleep! No class till 1:15, although sometimes I get up early to work on the piles of things that need doing. Work 11pm-2am.
Friday: One class at 8am, the other at 2:15. Loads of time in between to go back to bed, except I usually don't. No work, thank god.
There are also the non-class things like laundry, grocery shopping and scholarship essays. But those are easy to set aside and deal with Later (read: when I get around to it; see also: never).

I got to see the hawk today. I had been told by several people that there's a hawk living on campus, supposedly nesting in the Oak grove. Today he(she?) was in a tree near Whitmyre, with five or six raucous crows perched in the higher branches. It watched me come up the path and stare at it, and then the crows took off and so did the hawk. I don't know if it was me staring that riled them up, or if they just decided it was too cold to be sitting around. That hawk is impressive, though. I think it's a red-tail, but it was tough to see markings against the awful dull grey clouds. Maybe I'll get a better view next time, and remember to get pictures. My camera needs new batteries.

And it's off to work again, because I need to make the rest of this paper sound as incoherent as the first half, so that everyone is so confused by the meaning they forget to tell me how badly organized and written it is. ^_^ I strongly dislike bu__sh__, but at least it's useful in research papers.

Home...

The library will close in twenty-five minutes. Here I sit with a borrowed library laptop; orange spray-painted letters declare it property of IUP LIBRARIES. It's warm in my lap, but not quite warm enough - these ones never overheat the way the boy's does. They're all Dells, half of them older models and half newer Inspiron 1150s, grey and sleek next to their boxy black ancestors. They all sit in the back tech office, charging when they're not in circulation, so it's easy for the tech workers to take them.

The library at 1:30am is ghostly silent, the coffee place closed since 9 and most stragglers already gone. The third floor, cold and empty, smells of mildew and worn pages, and the shelves form comforting nooks and crannies, dividing the silence into patches of quiet air. It's never the same temperature on every floor and in every corner. The second floor is warmer, and busier, sometimes three or four students will linger after the announcement is played: "The library will close in ten minutes. The circulation desk is now closed." They drag themselves away from late-night studying and hurried paper-printing, shuffling toward the doors like they've been pulled away too soon. The first floor is a hive of activity in comparison; it's where all the student workers gather as they shut down the desks and head for the exits. There are smiles and jokes about turning the lights off on the last patrons. Sometimes they do it, just for kicks. Nobody really complains, after the last warning. It's time to go home.

I get to walk back with a co-worker who lives one street away, trading small talk. Up three flights of stairs, to the warm sanctuary of 3rd North, and quietly into the dark room. My roommate is asleep, or pretending, and I am grateful. No more lights or noise tonight. Just the dark and the soft pillow, and the blanket the boy accidentally left this weekend, which I can wrap myself in if I am not asleep the moment I take off my shoes.

Morbid?

You scored as Disappear. Your death will be by disappearing, probably a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from. Always remember that one guy who was hiking alone and got in a rock slide. He could have died, but he cut his own hand off to save himself. Don't end up like him (or worse, dead). Disappear 87% Suicide 67% Drowning 60% Natural Causes 53% Bomb 53% Gunshot 47% Suffocated 47% Stabbed 47% Accident 47% Eaten 40% Posion 40% Disease 33% Cut Throat 20% How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com

Spring 2006

I guess this semester won't be as hard as I expected. Or maybe it will. Here's how things finally lined up:

17 credits. The extra Spanish class (3 more) wouldn't fit in the schedule.

20 hrs/wk work at the library. I was hoping for twice that, but it's not fair to the other student workers... and I suppose this way I'll actually get some sleep.

$362.65 worth of textbooks. Ouch?

Now all I need to do is pay off my credit card, find, finance and buy a car, find an apartment for next year, and remember to practice my Irish Dance once in a while. Eh, this should be an easy semester.

In other news, the weather here is disconcerting. Last year it was warm until November, but at least January looked... like January. Snow and blowing winds and ice and the works. This year I haven't seen more than a foot of snow yet, and most of the time it's just overcast and windy, in the kind of way that suggests very early spring. Right now it's an icy downpour outside, and even though the forecast calls for snow tomorrow, I'm betting it won't happen. It really makes Global Warming seem up-close and personal - January in Western Pennsylvania and not a flake of snow to be seen.

Oh, and I bought a helmet. So now the boy can take me out on the bike, once the weather gets a little warmer ^_^. I've only been out with him once but it was fun.

Friendship

"Less than one percent of friends stay close after graduation... Challenge the statistic."
That's what the mural in our high school hallway said. We had lots of murals, they were done by the students and brightened up the drab institutional halls a lot. That one sticks in my mind though, because after two years I'm beginning to see the truth of it.

Allison, Madison, Laura, Casey, Nicole, Roxie, Devin, Kymrie, Rachel, Eric, Steve, Josh, and JP were the classmates I spent the most time with two years ago. Now I hang out with Al, and talk to Nicole, Steve and Josh online, and rarely. The others have seemingly disappeared - no phone calls, letters, emails, or greetings passed on by other friends. I'm not blaming them, though. I haven't exactly been showering my former friends with news and information. Most of them don't know my address at school or home (in today's world, who needs a mailing address to talk to a friend?), and I'm sure they're as busy as I am, which means nobody has (or makes) time to sit down and send off a quick email. I haven't even gotten a Christmas card from any of them. Oh well, eh? Times change, people change, life goes on. But I still miss them occasionally, and I still feel like I'm being left out of important happenings - like when I check Nicole's mySpace blog and it says "my bf". ...she has a boyfriend? It'd be nice if I knew who, and when, and what brought that on - she's heavily Christian and I seriously expected her to be single into her twenties when she decided to find the Perfect Man to marry. Not that I had anything against that decision but suddenly her having a boyfriend is... well, like Al having one. Coincidentally, she does too, now. But at least I got to hear about it when it happened.

I guess what I'm saying is that even though I'm not the best at staying in touch and letting people know what's going on in my life, I'd still like a chance to discuss these kinds of changes every once in a while - before too much happens and we just have to stand there grinning awkwardly next time we meet, because we don't know each other any more. All it takes is one email, or letter, or (even though I hate the phone) a call, because I want to talk and will find the time, but not if you don't want to; and the less I hear from you the less it seems you want to hear from me.
"Make new friends, but keep the old; One is silver and the other, gold." (Girl Scout Friendship Song)

Babble

I feel like I should update this even though I don't have any idea what to say right now. Windows Media Player, despite being a Microsoft product (and therefore Bad), has some fun visualizations. I love the "strawberryaid" one. I may be easily amused, but you have to admit that watching color combinations like chartreuse and fuschia swirl and spike on the screen is pretty fun. Three cheers for another waste of time!

Speaking of wastes of time... this is a fun one. There's also this geeky article about Google possibly expanding into hardware; interesting but just speculation at the moment.

Mm, tea.

Getting up early is almost nice. Almost. I've been waking up with the boy at 5 (who could sleep through his alarm anyway?) and taking a nap around mid-morning to catch up on those last two or three hours of sleep. Don't know how he stays awake all day. I guess I'm just not used to it. I should get used to it, though. I'm going to be working a lot next semester and probably not getting as much sleep.

I'm trying not to worry about him taking his brand-new bike to work. I know it's not freezing and icy but it is winter and it's not like he has a lot of experience. Eh, I'd worry even if he did. As I tell him, I'm a girl, and it's my job to worry. ^^' Someone has to.

The parental units have kindly offered to come pick me up if I want to come home for Lil'un's birthday. It would be good to be there. She grows up so fast when I'm not around. Both of them do. Sister 1 is applying to colleges. I know she'll get into all of them, she's a smart girl. Too smart, sometimes :P

The fun thing about being home alone all day is that you get a lot of those little side-things done. You know; the ones that tend to be shoved to the bottom of the list time after time, because you're busy. I've started sewing that dress that I began in July, and am working on a crocheted shawl that I might just finish before the end of break. Need a little more yarn, though. Meh to patterns that can't be made with one skein/ball. And I'm playing housewife and keeping things relatively tidy around here, or at least in a constant state of disorganization. Dishes have been washed, laundry put away, and one of these days I'll actually make dinner. We have tons of xmas leftovers, though. And yes, I AM eating. For some reason I have lost weight (a few pounds - am I really that thin that a few pounds would show?) and although I insist that it's muscle weight because I didn't have fat to lose in the first place and haven't done a good workout in months, my mother told the boy to make sure I eat. Ah well. No complaints here. Though if the apartment complex's fitness center is open (I think they have one, anyway) I might stroll over some day.

Found something that wasn't mentioned on CNN (at least as far as I know). You'd think the Christian community would be more... disrupted.... by this. I think it's funny. No offense to the religious or opinionated, but you have to admit that there is amusement value. And how ironic that it's in Rome. Oh, the Catholic Church must love that.

Pittsburgh

There's a lot to say but no one to say it to, so this may be short.

Christmas was good, in comparison to other years. I went with the boy on Christmas Eve and enjoyed the family get-together at his aunt's house. There was some drama, but for the most part it was just me and him comfortable on the couch downstairs, watching TV and avoiding the noisy adults. I don't really feel like I am one yet but playing with the kids is out of the question - I'm definitely not 12 any more. So it was nice just repeating last year and sitting out of the way, warm and full of good food.

If I could change any one thing about myself, it would be my dedication to making everyone happy. I have tried so hard to please everyone else and myself all at once that I'm about to fall apart at the seams. Advice to those who want to make people happy: don't. I'm not saying being selfish works either, because it tends to get me into more problematic situations than making people happy... well, nevermind. They both suck. I'm screaming at myself, Just find a balance already.

Notes
Friends and Family: If I had a way to get there I'd drive up on Friday, because missing my sister's 14th birthday and my friends' New Years' party isn't something I really want to do. But between three weeks of boredom punctuated by visits and parties I'll probably feel slightly uncomfortable at, or three weeks of the boy every day, with shopping and games and cuddling, I'll take the boy.
Boy: You've heard just about everything I have to say. I love you very much.
Blog Readers: Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Enjoy what you've got and tell someone you love them every day. Give people hugs... they make everyone's day a little better.

I wish winter would end. I miss basking in sunshine.

Joy to the World

It's Christmas Eve, and the family's sitting in front of the TV. Gah. They're watching "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." I'm half-watching it. Not really worth the attention. Little Sis is upstairs reading for once - I applaud that. She has threatened to wake me up at 2am though, so I may barricade my door. Nobody's disturbing my sleep.

The lady at Wal-Mart the other night said "Merry Christmas." I wonder if the corporate policy shifted or if she was just sick of "Happy Holidays"... 'cause last I heard everyone was complaining about the political correctness of the holiday season. Ugh. People need to learn to deal.

I'm trying to make this meaningful but it's just ramble. I went to Rick's aunt's house tonight and had a pretty good time despite us being the only two people our age there. ^^ And by the way, it was nearly 50 today. Wow.

Merry... Happy... Have a Satisfactory, Non-denominational, Capitalist, Wintertime Gift-giving Season!

A note on Christmas. This woman is my heroine. I wish I had her inner strength.

A long, long time ago...

I just dug out a post that I started, thought about posting and decided to research more. Good thing I didn't, it would've become a book.

I had a thought this morning (June 25th) about The Church. I'm not talking specifically about the one down the street from me, or a certain religious sect, but about religious groups in general. A generalization obviously does not apply to all groups or in all situations but this is simply what I have observed concerning the larger and better-known religions, including most branches of Christianity.
Many of the great masters of religion spent their most spiritually fulfilling years in poverty.

We start with Abraham, the man from whom three major religions - Judaism, Christianity and Islam - are said to be descended. He was told to give up not his material possessions, but something more dear: his beloved son Isaac. This is obviously because material possesions aren't worth much to God.

Jesus was the son of a carpenter, which at that time was a middle-class job, but his mother obviously couldn't bribe the inn owner for a room. He grew up learning a trade and working for a living, not living off the wealth of donations from those who would have his blessing. So he didn't teach from a golden throne, he taught from a rocky hilltop, and it was what he said that mattered, not what he wore or how much money he made.

I know most people associate white robes with purity and holiness, but it's probably just as true to say that Jesus wore "white" (If I'm correct, it wasn't bleached white, but the typical creamy white of unbleached wool) because dyed material would have cost more and he didn't care about appearing royal.

Muhammad, prophet of Allah and founder of Islam, left his followers with the commandment to share with the poor and be humble.

Even the Buddha, who was born a prince, found enlightenment after he left the material world of the palace and lived as a beggar. He spent his days teaching under trees, not in the courtyards of palaces.

Confucius? Confucius say, he who fart in church sit in own pew. Okay, so Confucius didn't live a beggar's life but he was pretty damn smart.

It isn't only the Christian scripture that tells us how difficult it is for the wealthy to get into heaven or reach nirvana. There's a lot out there instructing us to get rid of our possessions and attachments before we can really get onto the path toward spiritual truth and awakening. However, I'm most familiar with the Christian type of hypocrisy. Matt 19:24, Mark 10:25, Luke 18:25 - "It is easier for a rope to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Funny how that same line is repeated over and over through the retellings of Christ's teachings. And yet most of the self-labeled "Christians" I know have good jobs and expensive SUV's and HDTVs, and wouldn't easily let go of their comforts.

So why does the Church "need" (and have) so much money, land and material goods? They obviously don't need it to spread the Word, because their founders/masters/inspirational figures didn't need it and they managed to start large followings all the same. They shouldn't care about material goods as a base for having power, because the power of God should be the main force of the Church, not the power of a few thousand acres of land and two or three billion dollars. The Church essentially does not even need to own a meeting place, although it is more convenient for them to do so. The bible states that as far as worship goes, it can be done at home and without ceremony (Matthew 6), but many people find that finding the time and privacy to worship in their homes is inconvenient and sometimes just uncomfortable.

Wait. Convenience and comfort! It's a driving force behind almost everything we and the Church do today. Look at how most of us live. We shop at Wal-Mart or its equivalent, we take hot showers for granted and when we want food we don't even have to inconvenience ourselves enough to cook - toss a premade pizza in the oven and you're good to go. Instead of focusing on how we live and what we believe, we focus on fitting into the crowd - being another of the sheep. Following blindly is easy, it requires no thought and uses the time we would otherwise use to think for ourselves. And besides, if you look good to everyone else, where's the sense in actually working to be good? Nobody can tell the difference, right?

Apparently for a religious group to be successful, it doesn't have to tell the truth or explain the mysteries of the universe; it's the presentation that counts and not the backstage work. So Churches are large and beautifully decorated, most ask for donations or support from their members and all of them hold some kind of power that allows them to advertise the comfort and convenience people have come to expect from life. The Churches gain members not by seeking those who willingly come for the truth, but by seeking those who willingly give up the truth for a life of comfortable materialism. There's a lot going on behind the scenes, but it's hidden to those who aren't paying close attention and that means most of the congregation will look at the surface, see their reflection shining prettily back and never bother getting wet to check if the bottom of the spring is as clear as the top.

That's all for tonight, folks. Thanks for tuning in to another session of Thoughts by Fae.

*Scriptural quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible (NASB) and BlueLetterBible*

"When Murder Hits the Blogosphere"

Murder by MySpace would have been a more apt title. I don't consider MySpace to be part of the 'blogosphere' at all, despite the fact that it offers web journals as part of profiles. It's full of people whose main intent is not to blog but to hang out online, and my idea of the blogosphere is somewhere the bigger kids go to share ideas, opinions and thoughts first, and hang out second if at all. Just a thought though.

The fact that the murder happened at all is frightening, and it brings us back to the same thing people have been saying for centuries (or at least every year I can remember): Parents ought to pay attention to their children! I believe that if for once they would sit down and listen, get involved, keep their girls away from guys four years older (especially in high school *shudder*), teach their boys how to respect women, etc, the world would be a much better place. Instead (prepare for Generalizations!) they use TV as the automatic babysitter and let the little anklebiters grow up as they will, with only occasional monetary support and halfhearted discipline. Or they beat their children into submission because they're afraid they'll run off and do something stupid.

There are days my faith in humanity is in the negative numbers. Sometimes it hits 0, and that's when you know I'm having a good day. And when it gets to 10, I'm obviously blissfully ignorant of anything around me. At the moment it's hovering somewhere near absolute zero.

DRAMA!

Speaking of Drama...
Last night at Chick-Fil-A a pair of girls walked up to the counter to order, and stood there talking for a minute. The first girl was on a rant about some other girl, who was a b**** and the ugliest girl she'd ever seen and had no manners, while the other girl was saying supportive things.
Girl 1: "I mean, who does she even think she is?!"
Girl 2: "It starts with 'T' and ends with 'R-A-S-H.'"
They ordered, I got their food and they kept talking about the wicked evil woman who was obviously catching the interest of someone important. As they took their tray, I addressed Girl 1: "Losing your boyfriend to another girl?"
Them (surprised): "How did you know? *giggle*" And they walked away still complaining.

I'm tired of drama, personally. I've created enough of my own that I don't want to think about anyone else's, let alone hear about it as they proclaim to the world that their boyfriends are lying cheating bastards. It's stupid, men are assholes, get over it. Obviously if he's leaving you you're not so great yourself, and in my experience the ones who take a breakup the hardest are the most insecure. *sigh*

I overslept this morning (I don't even remember setting my alarm now that I think about it) and woke up halfway through my first class. It's happened to me before, but I hate when it does - except this morning. This morning I was just glad to get the extra two hours of sleep, and a chance to study for my Geography test... which I haven't done, and class is in half an hour. Oh well. At least I'll be well-rested.

I want my paycheck. Apparently I need to stop buying Chai from the coffee places so often.

Smart Shopping.

There was a craft show at the student union building. I went over to shop, because I thought I might find something cute for a friend. Two hours and just over $100 later, I've nearly finished my Christmas shopping. I love handmade crafts, and I love local artisans, and Wal-Mart isn't getting any visits from me this year. :D I feel fantastic about it, too. The people I bought from were nice, and very talented, and there was just about everything under the sun to choose from. I even got myself something just because I could. This Christmas is going to rock.

Typing link: and a url into google (no spaces) will bring up pages that have linked to that address. Apparently, sidebar links don't show up though - I know I'm linked on abandoned hero's blog, and darkheart's, but neither shows up. Oh well.

I miss Rick even though I saw him last night/this morning. It was a short visit but we managed to watch some anime and cuddle at least. I hate being so far away from him. It's been bothering me a lot lately.

And finals week is coming up. I have six finals, at least one of which (Science) is optional. My Spanish Composition final is going to be writing a cover letter for our portfolios - oh boy. My grammar's still awful and we don't get to revise them. Proofreading is a must for that. Science isn't a cumulative test, just the last unit exam - easy. Psych is the second version last unit exam, so it'll be very easy if I have to go at all. I'm not sure about the Eled final but it's an art class - how bad can it be? I'm more worried about Geography, which might kick my arse, and Research Writing, which might put me to sleep. Anyway. Finals will be a breeze this year, for the most part. I also have three papers, two lesson plans and an art project to finish this week. Maybe I should actually be productive tomorrow.

This afternoon I went to my friends' apartment for a Christmas potluck type thing. It was awesome and fun and I'm really glad I had the time to go. Right afterward I had to work though, and it was a slow afternoon so until the very end I had nothing to do, then suddenly five garbage cans (which had been half empty for hours) filled up in minutes, and people started making lots of messes as they left en masse. I don't ever want to work in foodservice again. Only one more Saturday... one more which I'm working overtime on. Then I'm done with my Saturday shifts forever. After work I ran for the theater (thank goodness it's next door), crammed dinner into my mouth and watched a great play put on by our student theatre group, of which I am a part. They are awesome and the freshmen make good actors. Yay. Overall, it's been a good day. I just wish someone would be online so I could talk now.

Because I'll forget later...

Found this, figured I might as well fill it out. It wasted some time.

1) Was 2005 a good year for you? It could've been worse.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year? Even though it made me cry, Final Campfire at Timbercrest. Every moment at Timbercrest, really.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? October 25th, between 7pm and midnight.

4) Where were you when 2005 began? At home

5) Who were you with? My family, of course.

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? Probably watching the ball drop and making fun of humanity.

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? My friends, if I have anything to say about it.

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? I don't even know if I made one.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? Nope. I'm tired of resolving not to do anything productive.

10) Did you fall in love in 2005? I could make a cheesy comment about falling in love all over again, but no.

11) If yes, with who? Rick, silly though he is.

12) If yes, do they know? Yep. I tell him all the time.

13) Are you still in love with them? See above.

14) Do you regret it? ...

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? Nope.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? Yes, a few fresh'uns (freshmen for you non-HC people) here at IUP, and some new people at camp.

17) Who are your favorite new friends? The camp people. Fresh'uns are cute but I haven't adopted any yet.

18) What was your favorite month of 2005? August was nice, I guess.

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005? Canada, eh?

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? One.

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? One of the family cats. :(

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? Always.

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? LOTR: Return of The King (because I did just see it this summer).

24) What was your favorite song from 2005? "Today", which is a folk-song-turned-camp-song. <3 camp songs.

25) What was your favorite album from 2005? Nickel Creek - When in Rome.

26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? None.

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? See above.

28) Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2005? If less than a glass of champagne at a wedding counts as a lot. (Was that this year?)

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005? Only Ibuprofen.

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? Actually sleep? My boyfriend. Anything else? Him too. Oh, and then there was the one night I laid in the same bed as Brandon, but we talked all night rather innocently. No sleeping together of any kind.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Getting the foodservice job, and wrecking my car.

32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2005? "It's okay."

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? How do I know if it was a lie?

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? Yes, I did.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? Several somebodies. It's amazing how little respect foodservice workers get.

36) How much money did you spend in 2005? Well, I earned just over $3,000, and most of it's gone now.

37) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? I honestly can't say. Maybe the clinging thing at the bowling alley with Tarah. That was... silly.

38) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change it, what would it be? October 25, and I'd turn the light green.

39) What are your plans for 2006? Survival, with sanity mostly intact, moving out of the dorms, going to study in Mexico.

Foodservice Eats Your Soul.

Last night I was once again stuck in my least favorite spot - behind the register at the Chick-Fil-A in our student food court. It was a slow night and I had too much time to look around and think about things. Across from the food court is a line of windows and booth seats; the windows are the kind of coated glass that you can always see your reflection in, especially when it's dark out. I've never paid them much attention before, because I'm too busy to look straight across five empty tables to stare at a dark window, but for some reason they caught my eye as I was standing behind the counter. I noticed the blinking icicle lights that were hung from the front of the counter, and then I noticed myself in the little picture. The window framed the register area perfectly, with me just to the side. There I stood in my neat grey uniform, black hat, hair in a utilitarian bun. I looked exactly like every other girl who worked register - not exactly in the physical sense, but in the conformity and posture and the way I just fit into the scene like I'd been there forever. From that distance I looked like the perfect generic foodservice worker, and when that image clicked into conscious thought, a little piece of me died.

I never wanted to work in foodservice - I've always said I'd hate it, and I do. Customers are seldom respectful and patient enough, and it seems they come up with new ways to torture the cashiers just for fun. Double orders to remember, huge orders with odd items, orders of just one item that happens to be the one we don't have in the warming trays. And the nugget sauce. We sell chicken nuggets, and stock nugget sauce. It's good stuff. People order it with all kinds of things, but they usually add it as an afterthought - "Oh, can I get some Barbeque Sauce?", after I've rung up their order. And nugget sauce without the nuggets is $.20 extra per packet. I've tried just giving it to them but you can't when the managers are watching, and charging them for it seems stupid, especially when CFA's policy regarding customers is: "Keep them happy no matter what." We're even supposed to take multiple or expired coupons if the customer wants us to, and reply to requests or thank-yous with "My Pleasure!" *shudder* I tried it once and couldn't hold back a giggle. Anyway, I'm stuck at the despised place until the end of the semester, when I'm officially quitting and hoping for more hours at the library to pay for my Ultima Online subscription (and food, clothing, my Christmas credit card bill...). I need to find an off-campus job, if I can get one that's flexible enough for student workers and pays me to do something I can stand, like office work.

I get to stay up late tonight, again. Here at the library (where I should be doing my homework, but have found ways to procrastinate thanks to the ready supply of laptops and wireless service) until 2:15, then home to crash. I'm running on about 4 hours of sleep and it doesn't feel as bad as it should. I think the tea this morning (Celestial Seasonings' "Morning Thunder") helped. Yay for caffeine in small doses. Sleep is for the tenured professors. I like my awake time, really.....z.zz.zzzzzzzz....

My Research Writing professor couldn't have given me a worse time to write this paper. She told us about it on Tuesday (and although I could have found out by reading the syllabus on Monday, who reads syllabi?). It's due this afternoon. I worked on it Tuesday evening at work, Wednesday evening I was at class/work and couldn't do anything because it's halfway typed. Today I have class again - including a map quiz that I didn't get the map for because I was trying to make up for lost time in art by staying to get the materials for our next project - and a two hour break between them to finish this paper in. I also have to start working on a revision of my Spanish paper for Friday, but I can't even start that until I get the RW paper done, because it's due first and I can't possibly find more time for paper-writing right now.

Last night I jokingly asked if I could kill myself at the end of the semester and got two nice hugs for it. Maybe I'll do that more often... except it'd probably scare people. Oh well.

Bright light. Ow. My roommate, who I bitch about sometimes, was considerate enough to lend me her desk lamp so when I got back from work at 2am I could work on the paper without waking her up. Mom, add 'desk lamp' to my Christmas list. And get a good one this time... if you get it from Wal-Mart I shall smite you. With the lamp.

Sleep is a nice thing. Two hours of it is not. I need caffeine.

Winter

Our yard.