The time of my life...

I've been bloghopping again and realized I hadn't looked at some peoples' blogs for a while. TM's latest entry was about her prom(s) and that made me think about mine. I didn't go to my junior prom. I didn't have a date, I was incredibly self-conscious about being seen in a dress, and I was sure my mother didn't have the money anyway. It was probably for the best because none of my friends went either and I didn't feel at all left out.

I did decide to go to my senior prom. I was determined to create a perfect night so that I could look back thirty years later and say 'that is the best high school memory I have' and it would be true. I looked frantically for the perfect dress - affordable for my parents because I knew they wouldn't pay $400 for my dream ballgown but one that would look dazzlingly good on me and stun all the immature boys who hadn't asked me to prom and shame them into thinking I really was pretty after all. I had a little more self-confidence at that point; I at least wanted the dress to reflect that I felt pretty. I still didn't have a date but my friends were going and surely there would be someone who would ask me to dance... except nobody did. The night wasn't so bad, except that like TM's the prom was held at a country club and the music was all the popular rap/r&b that was totally unsuited for dancing to (ever watch a girl in a full-skirted ballgown try to grind?) and gave me a headache. My hair wasn't perfect (thanks, mom, I know you tried) and no guys danced with me and I ended up feeling rather left out after all even though I went and even though I knew that if I'd stayed home I would have also felt left out. The highlight of the evening was seeing my tomboyish best friend actually wearing a dress. I'll never forget that.

I suppose the point of my tale is that running after happiness never really works. Even though TM's junior prom seems like a dream come true (and was exactly what I would have wished for) I never have found happiness when I was chasing it. It just sneaks up uncalled for and pounces gleefully at the most surprising times. I think some of the most happy memories I have are of moments I can never recreate and wasn't looking for.