Thursday, December 29, 2005

Mm, tea.

Getting up early is almost nice. Almost. I've been waking up with the boy at 5 (who could sleep through his alarm anyway?) and taking a nap around mid-morning to catch up on those last two or three hours of sleep. Don't know how he stays awake all day. I guess I'm just not used to it. I should get used to it, though. I'm going to be working a lot next semester and probably not getting as much sleep.

I'm trying not to worry about him taking his brand-new bike to work. I know it's not freezing and icy but it is winter and it's not like he has a lot of experience. Eh, I'd worry even if he did. As I tell him, I'm a girl, and it's my job to worry. ^^' Someone has to.

The parental units have kindly offered to come pick me up if I want to come home for Lil'un's birthday. It would be good to be there. She grows up so fast when I'm not around. Both of them do. Sister 1 is applying to colleges. I know she'll get into all of them, she's a smart girl. Too smart, sometimes :P

The fun thing about being home alone all day is that you get a lot of those little side-things done. You know; the ones that tend to be shoved to the bottom of the list time after time, because you're busy. I've started sewing that dress that I began in July, and am working on a crocheted shawl that I might just finish before the end of break. Need a little more yarn, though. Meh to patterns that can't be made with one skein/ball. And I'm playing housewife and keeping things relatively tidy around here, or at least in a constant state of disorganization. Dishes have been washed, laundry put away, and one of these days I'll actually make dinner. We have tons of xmas leftovers, though. And yes, I AM eating. For some reason I have lost weight (a few pounds - am I really that thin that a few pounds would show?) and although I insist that it's muscle weight because I didn't have fat to lose in the first place and haven't done a good workout in months, my mother told the boy to make sure I eat. Ah well. No complaints here. Though if the apartment complex's fitness center is open (I think they have one, anyway) I might stroll over some day.

Found something that wasn't mentioned on CNN (at least as far as I know). You'd think the Christian community would be more... disrupted.... by this. I think it's funny. No offense to the religious or opinionated, but you have to admit that there is amusement value. And how ironic that it's in Rome. Oh, the Catholic Church must love that.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005


There's a lot to say but no one to say it to, so this may be short.

Christmas was good, in comparison to other years. I went with the boy on Christmas Eve and enjoyed the family get-together at his aunt's house. There was some drama, but for the most part it was just me and him comfortable on the couch downstairs, watching TV and avoiding the noisy adults. I don't really feel like I am one yet but playing with the kids is out of the question - I'm definitely not 12 any more. So it was nice just repeating last year and sitting out of the way, warm and full of good food.

If I could change any one thing about myself, it would be my dedication to making everyone happy. I have tried so hard to please everyone else and myself all at once that I'm about to fall apart at the seams. Advice to those who want to make people happy: don't. I'm not saying being selfish works either, because it tends to get me into more problematic situations than making people happy... well, nevermind. They both suck. I'm screaming at myself, Just find a balance already.

Friends and Family: If I had a way to get there I'd drive up on Friday, because missing my sister's 14th birthday and my friends' New Years' party isn't something I really want to do. But between three weeks of boredom punctuated by visits and parties I'll probably feel slightly uncomfortable at, or three weeks of the boy every day, with shopping and games and cuddling, I'll take the boy.
Boy: You've heard just about everything I have to say. I love you very much.
Blog Readers: Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Enjoy what you've got and tell someone you love them every day. Give people hugs... they make everyone's day a little better.

I wish winter would end. I miss basking in sunshine.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Joy to the World

It's Christmas Eve, and the family's sitting in front of the TV. Gah. They're watching "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." I'm half-watching it. Not really worth the attention. Little Sis is upstairs reading for once - I applaud that. She has threatened to wake me up at 2am though, so I may barricade my door. Nobody's disturbing my sleep.

The lady at Wal-Mart the other night said "Merry Christmas." I wonder if the corporate policy shifted or if she was just sick of "Happy Holidays"... 'cause last I heard everyone was complaining about the political correctness of the holiday season. Ugh. People need to learn to deal.

I'm trying to make this meaningful but it's just ramble. I went to Rick's aunt's house tonight and had a pretty good time despite us being the only two people our age there. ^^ And by the way, it was nearly 50 today. Wow.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Sunday, December 11, 2005

A long, long time ago...

I just dug out a post that I started, thought about posting and decided to research more. Good thing I didn't, it would've become a book.

I had a thought this morning (June 25th) about The Church. I'm not talking specifically about the one down the street from me, or a certain religious sect, but about religious groups in general. A generalization obviously does not apply to all groups or in all situations but this is simply what I have observed concerning the larger and better-known religions, including most branches of Christianity.
Many of the great masters of religion spent their most spiritually fulfilling years in poverty.

We start with Abraham, the man from whom three major religions - Judaism, Christianity and Islam - are said to be descended. He was told to give up not his material possessions, but something more dear: his beloved son Isaac. This is obviously because material possesions aren't worth much to God.

Jesus was the son of a carpenter, which at that time was a middle-class job, but his mother obviously couldn't bribe the inn owner for a room. He grew up learning a trade and working for a living, not living off the wealth of donations from those who would have his blessing. So he didn't teach from a golden throne, he taught from a rocky hilltop, and it was what he said that mattered, not what he wore or how much money he made.

I know most people associate white robes with purity and holiness, but it's probably just as true to say that Jesus wore "white" (If I'm correct, it wasn't bleached white, but the typical creamy white of unbleached wool) because dyed material would have cost more and he didn't care about appearing royal.

Muhammad, prophet of Allah and founder of Islam, left his followers with the commandment to share with the poor and be humble.

Even the Buddha, who was born a prince, found enlightenment after he left the material world of the palace and lived as a beggar. He spent his days teaching under trees, not in the courtyards of palaces.

Confucius? Confucius say, he who fart in church sit in own pew. Okay, so Confucius didn't live a beggar's life but he was pretty damn smart.

It isn't only the Christian scripture that tells us how difficult it is for the wealthy to get into heaven or reach nirvana. There's a lot out there instructing us to get rid of our possessions and attachments before we can really get onto the path toward spiritual truth and awakening. However, I'm most familiar with the Christian type of hypocrisy. Matt 19:24, Mark 10:25, Luke 18:25 - "It is easier for a rope to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Funny how that same line is repeated over and over through the retellings of Christ's teachings. And yet most of the self-labeled "Christians" I know have good jobs and expensive SUV's and HDTVs, and wouldn't easily let go of their comforts.

So why does the Church "need" (and have) so much money, land and material goods? They obviously don't need it to spread the Word, because their founders/masters/inspirational figures didn't need it and they managed to start large followings all the same. They shouldn't care about material goods as a base for having power, because the power of God should be the main force of the Church, not the power of a few thousand acres of land and two or three billion dollars. The Church essentially does not even need to own a meeting place, although it is more convenient for them to do so. The bible states that as far as worship goes, it can be done at home and without ceremony (Matthew 6), but many people find that finding the time and privacy to worship in their homes is inconvenient and sometimes just uncomfortable.

Wait. Convenience and comfort! It's a driving force behind almost everything we and the Church do today. Look at how most of us live. We shop at Wal-Mart or its equivalent, we take hot showers for granted and when we want food we don't even have to inconvenience ourselves enough to cook - toss a premade pizza in the oven and you're good to go. Instead of focusing on how we live and what we believe, we focus on fitting into the crowd - being another of the sheep. Following blindly is easy, it requires no thought and uses the time we would otherwise use to think for ourselves. And besides, if you look good to everyone else, where's the sense in actually working to be good? Nobody can tell the difference, right?

Apparently for a religious group to be successful, it doesn't have to tell the truth or explain the mysteries of the universe; it's the presentation that counts and not the backstage work. So Churches are large and beautifully decorated, most ask for donations or support from their members and all of them hold some kind of power that allows them to advertise the comfort and convenience people have come to expect from life. The Churches gain members not by seeking those who willingly come for the truth, but by seeking those who willingly give up the truth for a life of comfortable materialism. There's a lot going on behind the scenes, but it's hidden to those who aren't paying close attention and that means most of the congregation will look at the surface, see their reflection shining prettily back and never bother getting wet to check if the bottom of the spring is as clear as the top.

That's all for tonight, folks. Thanks for tuning in to another session of Thoughts by Fae.

*Scriptural quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible (NASB) and BlueLetterBible*

Friday, December 09, 2005

"When Murder Hits the Blogosphere"

Murder by MySpace would have been a more apt title. I don't consider MySpace to be part of the 'blogosphere' at all, despite the fact that it offers web journals as part of profiles. It's full of people whose main intent is not to blog but to hang out online, and my idea of the blogosphere is somewhere the bigger kids go to share ideas, opinions and thoughts first, and hang out second if at all. Just a thought though.

The fact that the murder happened at all is frightening, and it brings us back to the same thing people have been saying for centuries (or at least every year I can remember): Parents ought to pay attention to their children! I believe that if for once they would sit down and listen, get involved, keep their girls away from guys four years older (especially in high school *shudder*), teach their boys how to respect women, etc, the world would be a much better place. Instead (prepare for Generalizations!) they use TV as the automatic babysitter and let the little anklebiters grow up as they will, with only occasional monetary support and halfhearted discipline. Or they beat their children into submission because they're afraid they'll run off and do something stupid.

There are days my faith in humanity is in the negative numbers. Sometimes it hits 0, and that's when you know I'm having a good day. And when it gets to 10, I'm obviously blissfully ignorant of anything around me. At the moment it's hovering somewhere near absolute zero.

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Speaking of Drama...
Last night at Chick-Fil-A a pair of girls walked up to the counter to order, and stood there talking for a minute. The first girl was on a rant about some other girl, who was a b**** and the ugliest girl she'd ever seen and had no manners, while the other girl was saying supportive things.
Girl 1: "I mean, who does she even think she is?!"
Girl 2: "It starts with 'T' and ends with 'R-A-S-H.'"
They ordered, I got their food and they kept talking about the wicked evil woman who was obviously catching the interest of someone important. As they took their tray, I addressed Girl 1: "Losing your boyfriend to another girl?"
Them (surprised): "How did you know? *giggle*" And they walked away still complaining.

I'm tired of drama, personally. I've created enough of my own that I don't want to think about anyone else's, let alone hear about it as they proclaim to the world that their boyfriends are lying cheating bastards. It's stupid, men are assholes, get over it. Obviously if he's leaving you you're not so great yourself, and in my experience the ones who take a breakup the hardest are the most insecure. *sigh*

I overslept this morning (I don't even remember setting my alarm now that I think about it) and woke up halfway through my first class. It's happened to me before, but I hate when it does - except this morning. This morning I was just glad to get the extra two hours of sleep, and a chance to study for my Geography test... which I haven't done, and class is in half an hour. Oh well. At least I'll be well-rested.

I want my paycheck. Apparently I need to stop buying Chai from the coffee places so often.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Smart Shopping.

There was a craft show at the student union building. I went over to shop, because I thought I might find something cute for a friend. Two hours and just over $100 later, I've nearly finished my Christmas shopping. I love handmade crafts, and I love local artisans, and Wal-Mart isn't getting any visits from me this year. :D I feel fantastic about it, too. The people I bought from were nice, and very talented, and there was just about everything under the sun to choose from. I even got myself something just because I could. This Christmas is going to rock.

Typing link: and a url into google (no spaces) will bring up pages that have linked to that address. Apparently, sidebar links don't show up though - I know I'm linked on abandoned hero's blog, and darkheart's, but neither shows up. Oh well.

I miss Rick even though I saw him last night/this morning. It was a short visit but we managed to watch some anime and cuddle at least. I hate being so far away from him. It's been bothering me a lot lately.

And finals week is coming up. I have six finals, at least one of which (Science) is optional. My Spanish Composition final is going to be writing a cover letter for our portfolios - oh boy. My grammar's still awful and we don't get to revise them. Proofreading is a must for that. Science isn't a cumulative test, just the last unit exam - easy. Psych is the second version last unit exam, so it'll be very easy if I have to go at all. I'm not sure about the Eled final but it's an art class - how bad can it be? I'm more worried about Geography, which might kick my arse, and Research Writing, which might put me to sleep. Anyway. Finals will be a breeze this year, for the most part. I also have three papers, two lesson plans and an art project to finish this week. Maybe I should actually be productive tomorrow.

This afternoon I went to my friends' apartment for a Christmas potluck type thing. It was awesome and fun and I'm really glad I had the time to go. Right afterward I had to work though, and it was a slow afternoon so until the very end I had nothing to do, then suddenly five garbage cans (which had been half empty for hours) filled up in minutes, and people started making lots of messes as they left en masse. I don't ever want to work in foodservice again. Only one more Saturday... one more which I'm working overtime on. Then I'm done with my Saturday shifts forever. After work I ran for the theater (thank goodness it's next door), crammed dinner into my mouth and watched a great play put on by our student theatre group, of which I am a part. They are awesome and the freshmen make good actors. Yay. Overall, it's been a good day. I just wish someone would be online so I could talk now.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Because I'll forget later...

Found this, figured I might as well fill it out. It wasted some time.

1) Was 2005 a good year for you? It could've been worse.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year? Even though it made me cry, Final Campfire at Timbercrest. Every moment at Timbercrest, really.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? October 25th, between 7pm and midnight.

4) Where were you when 2005 began? At home

5) Who were you with? My family, of course.

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? Probably watching the ball drop and making fun of humanity.

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? My friends, if I have anything to say about it.

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? I don't even know if I made one.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? Nope. I'm tired of resolving not to do anything productive.

10) Did you fall in love in 2005? I could make a cheesy comment about falling in love all over again, but no.

11) If yes, with who? Rick, silly though he is.

12) If yes, do they know? Yep. I tell him all the time.

13) Are you still in love with them? See above.

14) Do you regret it? ...

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? Nope.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? Yes, a few fresh'uns (freshmen for you non-HC people) here at IUP, and some new people at camp.

17) Who are your favorite new friends? The camp people. Fresh'uns are cute but I haven't adopted any yet.

18) What was your favorite month of 2005? August was nice, I guess.

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005? Canada, eh?

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? One.

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? One of the family cats. :(

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? Always.

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? LOTR: Return of The King (because I did just see it this summer).

24) What was your favorite song from 2005? "Today", which is a folk-song-turned-camp-song. <3 camp songs.

25) What was your favorite album from 2005? Nickel Creek - When in Rome.

26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? None.

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? See above.

28) Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2005? If less than a glass of champagne at a wedding counts as a lot. (Was that this year?)

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005? Only Ibuprofen.

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? Actually sleep? My boyfriend. Anything else? Him too. Oh, and then there was the one night I laid in the same bed as Brandon, but we talked all night rather innocently. No sleeping together of any kind.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Getting the foodservice job, and wrecking my car.

32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2005? "It's okay."

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? How do I know if it was a lie?

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? Yes, I did.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? Several somebodies. It's amazing how little respect foodservice workers get.

36) How much money did you spend in 2005? Well, I earned just over $3,000, and most of it's gone now.

37) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? I honestly can't say. Maybe the clinging thing at the bowling alley with Tarah. That was... silly.

38) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change it, what would it be? October 25, and I'd turn the light green.

39) What are your plans for 2006? Survival, with sanity mostly intact, moving out of the dorms, going to study in Mexico.

Foodservice Eats Your Soul.

Last night I was once again stuck in my least favorite spot - behind the register at the Chick-Fil-A in our student food court. It was a slow night and I had too much time to look around and think about things. Across from the food court is a line of windows and booth seats; the windows are the kind of coated glass that you can always see your reflection in, especially when it's dark out. I've never paid them much attention before, because I'm too busy to look straight across five empty tables to stare at a dark window, but for some reason they caught my eye as I was standing behind the counter. I noticed the blinking icicle lights that were hung from the front of the counter, and then I noticed myself in the little picture. The window framed the register area perfectly, with me just to the side. There I stood in my neat grey uniform, black hat, hair in a utilitarian bun. I looked exactly like every other girl who worked register - not exactly in the physical sense, but in the conformity and posture and the way I just fit into the scene like I'd been there forever. From that distance I looked like the perfect generic foodservice worker, and when that image clicked into conscious thought, a little piece of me died.

I never wanted to work in foodservice - I've always said I'd hate it, and I do. Customers are seldom respectful and patient enough, and it seems they come up with new ways to torture the cashiers just for fun. Double orders to remember, huge orders with odd items, orders of just one item that happens to be the one we don't have in the warming trays. And the nugget sauce. We sell chicken nuggets, and stock nugget sauce. It's good stuff. People order it with all kinds of things, but they usually add it as an afterthought - "Oh, can I get some Barbeque Sauce?", after I've rung up their order. And nugget sauce without the nuggets is $.20 extra per packet. I've tried just giving it to them but you can't when the managers are watching, and charging them for it seems stupid, especially when CFA's policy regarding customers is: "Keep them happy no matter what." We're even supposed to take multiple or expired coupons if the customer wants us to, and reply to requests or thank-yous with "My Pleasure!" *shudder* I tried it once and couldn't hold back a giggle. Anyway, I'm stuck at the despised place until the end of the semester, when I'm officially quitting and hoping for more hours at the library to pay for my Ultima Online subscription (and food, clothing, my Christmas credit card bill...). I need to find an off-campus job, if I can get one that's flexible enough for student workers and pays me to do something I can stand, like office work.

I get to stay up late tonight, again. Here at the library (where I should be doing my homework, but have found ways to procrastinate thanks to the ready supply of laptops and wireless service) until 2:15, then home to crash. I'm running on about 4 hours of sleep and it doesn't feel as bad as it should. I think the tea this morning (Celestial Seasonings' "Morning Thunder") helped. Yay for caffeine in small doses. Sleep is for the tenured professors. I like my awake time, really.....z.zz.zzzzzzzz....

Thursday, December 01, 2005

My Research Writing professor couldn't have given me a worse time to write this paper. She told us about it on Tuesday (and although I could have found out by reading the syllabus on Monday, who reads syllabi?). It's due this afternoon. I worked on it Tuesday evening at work, Wednesday evening I was at class/work and couldn't do anything because it's halfway typed. Today I have class again - including a map quiz that I didn't get the map for because I was trying to make up for lost time in art by staying to get the materials for our next project - and a two hour break between them to finish this paper in. I also have to start working on a revision of my Spanish paper for Friday, but I can't even start that until I get the RW paper done, because it's due first and I can't possibly find more time for paper-writing right now.

Last night I jokingly asked if I could kill myself at the end of the semester and got two nice hugs for it. Maybe I'll do that more often... except it'd probably scare people. Oh well.

Bright light. Ow. My roommate, who I bitch about sometimes, was considerate enough to lend me her desk lamp so when I got back from work at 2am I could work on the paper without waking her up. Mom, add 'desk lamp' to my Christmas list. And get a good one this time... if you get it from Wal-Mart I shall smite you. With the lamp.

Sleep is a nice thing. Two hours of it is not. I need caffeine.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Thursday, November 24, 2005

At least the pie is good...

So here I sit in front of my mother's clunky old desktop, wishing I had a laptop to write on so I could get something done for NaNo (which I will once again lose). My livejournal friends' page indicates that most of my college friends are scattered to their respective homes for the break (the school was only providing limited housing over break). It's also indicating that none of them are that happy to be home. Sure, it's great to see my little sisters again, but in all honesty I'd rather have gone to my boyfriend's Thanksgiving meal than my own. His family wanted me there; my family saw him walk in last night when I came back from visiting with him, and pretty much ignored him. -_-

Sure, he's not Mr. Perfect, and he acts immature sometimes - so do we all. What I don't understand is why my little sister was staring at him like she wanted to push him out the door as fast as possible, or why my mother was too busy arranging placemats to see how they'd look to even ask him about work or his family. It made me feel like he was unwanted here, which was an insult to me as much as to him. Goddamnit. My mother says the siblings are suffering from 'in-law syndrome', but that's crazy, considering mom doesn't think we should even stay together. She wants us to break up so I can shop around for someone better. The middle sister agrees and the little one, even though she's 13 and angsty, agrees in less eloquent terms - she throws adolescent insults at him ("You're nuttier than a squirrel turd!" was her favorite for a while). I am not happy about this, obviously, but I'm sure everyone's heard enough of my whining. On to Thanksgiving.

Mom got a 14lb turkey for 7 people. Yipe. She also did mashed potatoes, squash, Great-Aunt Someone's Cranberry Salad (pretty good stuff), stuffing, gravy, the works. It was good food and there was plenty of it. Then we sat around for a while and came back to the table later for pie. Mmm, pumpkin and apple with vanilla ice cream :). And then my stepbrother and his when-are-they-going-to-get-married girlfriend (they've been together since before he moved out 3 years ago) took off for home, and I washed some of the dishes before we ran out of hot water. Fun thing about living in an old house is that the water heater never quite keeps up with the demands of a family of 5, especially when all of them are at home. It also means that the dishwasher isn't a machine - it's usually a kid. I wonder how many people actually wash dishes by hand these days. Kids are missing out on so much fun...

There is what looks like two and a half feet of snow outside, most of which fell last night. This morning I was amazed by the blizzard even though I've lived in New York most of my life and should be used to the sudden winters. Back at school there was no snow yet and the roses outside Fisher Auditorium were still blooming.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Here we go again...

Here we sit like birdies in the wilderness,
Birdies in the wilderness,
Birdies in the wilderness,
Here we sit like birdies in the wilderness,
Waiting for...

My mother, who said she was leaving at 6am to get here by 8:30, is LATE. I can think up several reasons for this, though. A) I don't care if you leave at 4am, you're going to hit construction, hills and probably rain/snow on the way down here. Never have I gotten from home to the dorm in two and a half hours, even going 60 down the winding hills the whole way. B) She got up late. It invariably happens that something sets her back from the start, and it's either waking up late or sitting in front of the computer for an hour. C)She's standing outside in the cold because she forgot the phone number to my room so she can tell me she's here. If this is the case she's not only late, she's silly, because I tell her every time I see her, and I went out to get food 45 minutes ago when I expected her to be arriving, and she wasn't there. Meh.

I'm going to be rather put out if I'm late for this appointment because I didn't have a ride. It will grind the fact that I don't have my own transportation very deeply into my already tender sense of pride. I try very hard not to depend on other people if I can do it myself, and waiting for oft-late rides makes me fidgety. At least if I was driving I'd have an excuse - I've been lost ten miles from home before.

I'm finally going home for Thanksgiving - and planning on spending most of my time at home locked in my room. Actually I'm planning on spending most of the time up north away from home. I have friends to reconnect with and places to revisit and I don't want to be trapped in a smoke-filled house with my ever-present younger sisters and their special brand of insanity. I love you guys, don't get me wrong, but yikes.
..okay, mom's here. Off for another 5 hours in a car.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

New Orleans Revisited

TIME Magazine reports on New Orleans. Another saddening look at the nation's inability to help itself... on any level.

We're worried about Iraq, we're trying to figure out Afghanistan, we're running legislative circles around gay rights. There are a half million political issues that people can and will get fired up about, but New Orleans isn't leading them right now. I've heard of only a few efforts to go help with cleanup and reconstruction. One of them came from a local group who went to save stray animals and bring them back for temporary housing until they were claimed or adopted. Small a thing as this is, it's help. It gets potentially dangerous or dead animals off the streets and into a warm, clean environment where they can be taken care of. It saves the lives of peoples' pets, and offers an opportunity for their owners to get on their feet before they claim their beloved companions. It keeps the streets free of dying animals, which in its small way reduces health risks for workers and residents.

There are other little things. A group here wanted to go down there over fall break, while I went to Canada, and help out. Another trip was scheduled for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. It won't be many people, I can guarantee it. But it will be help. Unfortunately these tiny student-run ventures don't get press, or great results. What can a dozen college students do, anyway? It's tough to get things organized, to get food and water and building materials shipped in, and to get people into safe housing. We can't do it alone, but here the government is tying itself in knots because of holdups with various agencies. Screw the agencies. Spend the relief money on dump trucks and bring Habitat for Humanity in. Plans for 5 years from now? What about plans for tomorrow? If I were in charge I would have settled in for a long haul - tearing down the hurricane-damaged buildings and rebuilding. What needs to be debated?

Things like this make me hate America and wish I wasn't tied to my schoolwork. We are a country of self-serving fools, and if I knew of anywhere it was radically different, I'd move immediately. At least I'd help out more, if I had the means to get to where I was needed.

Mmm, you smell like... celery?

I found this linked by a commenter over at Present Simple and thought that's interesting, I wonder exactly what scents they have. So I looked here and found the complete list. Oh, boy. They've got everything. Wouldn't you love to buy a bottle of "Pruning Shears" or "Mildew"? I stared at the list for a while. The only thing I can think to say about it is that they've got more scents than Bertie Botts' Every Flavor Beans (tm) has flavors. What, exactly, does "Celery" smell like? I'm curious. Do you think any stores around here carry these?

Friday, November 18, 2005

A Dream

I had a dream last night. I don't remember anything of what it was about, but there was a girl in it. I remember that part because she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She was a modern Helen of Troy, the person I might steal away and someone would want to send a million war planes after. She was Plato's Form of Beauty incarnate. Flawless. Her exact appearance is a blur, though; it was only because she looked up from doing something that I noticed her at all. I think I was handing her and her friend something, and she looked up and in the dream I think she smiled, but all I really remember is the awake part of my brain snapping to attention and saying "WOW!" and then I lost the dream thread and couldn't find it again.
I have absolutely no idea why I just dreamed the most stunningly gorgeous woman in the world. I also have no idea why I tried to remember her face and thought "She looks a little bit like Tarah."
A lot of people I know say dreams mean something. I'm sure in some way they do, because there have been many times when I've been able to attribute some emotion or occurance to something that happened in my dreams, but at the same time I don't think they can ever be taken at face value. Dreams are curious things. People write books about them, give speeches about them, base careers off interpreting them. Everyone and their grandmother has their own interpretation of symbolism in dreams, too. Some people think they can read into their own, some are good at reading into other peoples'. My friend and I used to try to interpret each other's dreams, and I got pretty good at telling her things that applied to her life, but I doubt I could do it with a stranger.
Something that strikes me as odd about myself is that I can't ever remember dreaming about flying. I've heard that dreaming of flight is one of the most common dreams people have, but I don't remember even a single flight, and only two or three when I awoke because I thought I was actually falling.
On a less odd topic, it snowed all day yesterday. None of it stuck, of course, despite hope that it would. In my opinion if it's going to snow it ought to do so furiously and drop at least a foot on the ground, or leave off entirely and give us some more sunny days.
I haven't heard anything about the riots in France, or hurricane cleanup, or politics lately. Actually, national/world news hasn't been making it into hearing range much these days and I think I should read the NY Times but I don't have it. Time, that is. The newspaper is delivered daily, for free.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Death of a snowflake

Fae sits sleepily at the computer trying not to put her head down on the keyboard. A voice from the hall suddenly cuts through the computer's faint hum:
"Did you look outside yet?"
"It's snowing."

And that it is. But they'll all melt; the ground is too warm still.

Monday, November 14, 2005


Your Blog Should Be Green

Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff.
You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas.
However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog.

My livejournal should be purple, apparently. Ha. Haha. Hahahaha.... okay, I'm done.

I'm tired of all of this, and I can see no way out except patience, but my patience is already worn through in places. I don't think I can handle two more years of this.

Friday, November 11, 2005


it looked and felt like winter.

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine,
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine,
A million tomorrows shall all pass away,
ere I forget all the joys that are mine today.

I'll be a dandy and I'll be a rover,
you'll know who I am by the songs that I sing.
I'll feast at your table, I'll sleep in your clover,
Who cares what tomorrow shall bring?

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine,
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine,
A million tomorrows shall all pass away,
ere I forget all the joys that are mine today.

I can't be contented with yesterday's glories,
I can't live on promises winter to spring.
Today is my moment and now is my story,
I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing.

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine,
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine,
A million tomorrows shall all pass away,
ere I forget all the joys that are mine today.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Modern art?

Someone thought it was funny...

I officially am having a BAD day now. It was a highlight to find this bit of twisted napkin-holder on one of the tables tonight, and even more of one when our manager got laughed at for saying it was a little guy ("So what's that between his legs?"). I wanted to share it in full color with you all, but apparently the send malfunctioned and since I'm broke and don't have free pix messaging, I'll let you figure it out on your own.

Oh, and Verizon? Stop with the ad campaign. I hate filling my blog with useless sales pitches...

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

What, therefore, should we do?

There is a new magazine starting up here in the Honors College (and soon to expand outside of it). It's called edgewise, and while I think the website could use another design opinion (or at least a flash-less version for those of us who like plain HTML), the magazine itself seems really interesting. At least, the idea does. They're going for a concept called "fusion journalism" which aims to combine six sub-areas under one umbrella topic every month. The areas range from sports to economics, which means it's got something for everyone, but it also makes one wonder exactly how they're going to manage to put everything together in a way that relates back to the core issue. Well, I'm willing to try it.

The concept, as explained by the editor, is something like our Honors Core - we take one subject or issue and look at it from a circle of disciplines. In core they're history, literature, philosophy, music, and science. In the magazine, they're Culture and Fashion, Economics, Politics and Law, Sports, Arts and Science and something else I can't remember. It's cool, in a very intellectual sense. On a random note, "cool" is now an acronym for something undiscussable... or so the boys I'm tutoring tell me. I said they were cool kids assuming that a few years wouldn't have changed the meaning of the word, and they laughed and said "eww, do you know what that means?". (Actually I have the feeling I heard them tell me or each other what it meant at the beginning of the sessions, but can't remember)

So back to Edgewise. We had a meeting tonight and discussed what the holiday issue would be about. Most of us liked the idea of doing a holiday issue related to Christmas - specifically, What is the Meaning of Christmas? It's going to be fun. We tossed out some ideas, figured out that we could pretty easily come up with some nice articles on consumerism and the Christmas spirit, and left. I like this magazine staff. They appreciate humor. :)

But the day isn't ending on the greatest of notes again. I'm falling behind in word count and suddenly have the awful feeling that November is going to look rather like October did: miserable. It seems that for every little good thing, something larger and awful happens. I guess I just want one day this month when I can sit down at the end and say "I had a wonderful day."

Monday, November 07, 2005

Powerful words

"Paki in the Middle". A poem by Salman Shaheen. I stumbled across this site while searching for the effect of the recent war(s) on Afghani poetry. My Research Writing class isn't demanding but there's just not a lot of sources out there, and when she says 'Find 8 to 15 and use only the best' it's alarming to find only four or five worth reading. There are other poems on the site which also caught my eye, but you can find them for yourself. I'm back to my research... and some more noveling.

Sunday, November 06, 2005


Nature has a sense of humor. Unfortunately, so do I. The day started out beautifully (aside from some strong gusts of wind) and when I joined the group going to the Humane Society I decided to go with the walkers because heck, it was a great day to take a walk. In fact, it was too nice to be November. Nature seemed like it was having fun by making it feel like summer again. "Nature, I hate you." I told the sky, because it's not fair to withhold weather like this until so late in the year. I could have used it last week when it was cold and icky out and I needed to feel better. Anyway... two minutes after I said that, the wind picked up and the rain started. And it just kept raining harder, and the wind got even worse, until at one point it was just blasting us with horizontal droplets. I laughed like crazy at this, especially when it quit just before we got to the HS building. So we walked in soaking wet, and were giggling about how we'd probably end up covered in cat fur. I did, too. It was a good few hours.

Then things got icky. I was cold on the way back because my jacket and jeans were still damp and the wind was still pretty strong. I got back here and talked to my boyfriend and he had some upsetting news. And then my mother called to give me more unhappy news and tell me that she didn't want me to see the neurologist after all because, hey, if one of the vertebrae is misaligned isn't it a chiropractic thing? So now she wants me to get the neurologist to look at the scans before I go in, which means I have to get the hospital to send them to the neurologist and hope that they get looked at and I get a response before the 22nd. And maybe I'll have to go to someone else instead. Joy, more running through red tape. Why couldn't they have just fucking told me it might be a problem WHILE I WAS STILL IN THE E.R.? Anyway.

And the meeting we had for my theatre group didn't get anywhere, really. A lot of people bitched about certain things and suggested the same things we've been suggesting and the president was far too agreeable with things and the only progress that was made in my opinion was the notation to appoint someone new as webmaster, because she wants to do it and our current officer is graduating.

I don't know. Things just... meh.

Oh. And my word count is currently 10,387. I'm 385 words ahead of the minimum for today. This isn't bad, but it's certainly not great considering how busy I'm going to be the next few days.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Let the madness begin!

This morning at 12:01am, thousands of sleepy writers typed the first letters of what will become an epic mountain of words: 50,000 of them. I was among the bright-eyed, caffiene-addicted crew who set off early in an attempt to capture a head start on their word counts for the month of November. Turn your inner editors off, folks - National Novel Writing Month is officially under way.

I have a title, I have a skeleton plot, and I have characters who are slowly but surely being wrapped in adjectives and thought bubbles. Eventually this will be a great novel, or at least a great attempt at holding a plot together while focusing on quantity, not quality. At least it's more preparation than last year's, and hopefully it will serve me well when I run out of ideas.

Words in my blog don't work toward my final count, so entries will probably be shorter, at least until I lose sight of the plot in week three (I hope it takes that long) and start looking for ways to distract myself from the characters screaming at me. ^_^ It's not too late to join, so if you're willing to risk your social life for the novel you always wanted to write, head over to and sign up - you won't regret it. :)

But stay away from the forums - I blame my utter and complete failure the last two years on that mass of procrastinating writers.

Sunday, October 30, 2005


Self-tagged (because she didn't pick anyone) from BadAunt's blog.

Rules of the game: Post 5 Weird and Random Facts about yourself, then at the end list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this.

They're mostly from my past, because my future goals don't count and my present is boring.

1. For as long as I can remember I have had a ritual that accompanied the first real (if it stays overnight it counts) snowfall. I will go outside barefoot and dance in the newly accumulated snow.

2. I believe in unicorns.

3. I had a strawberry cake with lemon icing on it for my birthday one year. My parents decorated it with several plastic horses. That was the last birthday I ever spent with my friend Autumn.

4. I used to want to change my name to Michelle. Now I love my name.

5. My favorite song is "You Are My Sunshine." When I was little I had a black and white teddy bear that played the song when you pressed its paw. I wish I remembered all the words.

5 People who should do this:
Rick, Allison, Stephanie, Jamie and Rio?
Or first five to comment.

This is An Opinionated Post

Girl Scout Camp was a topic of discussion tonight while the cast of "The Lottery" waited for our call. I remain fascinated by the number of girls who know the same songs I do, were in Girl Scouts for years, and will talk for hours comparing what we know.

Tonight was the night of our theatre group's Halloween double double-feature (two back-to-back shows in one performance, two full performances). We performed a student-written play called "A Glint of Silver" and a version of the well-known short story "The Lottery." Glint of Silver was creepy. "I'll do anything for you..."
Lottery was creepy in the 'I know people who act like that' kind of way, I guess. If you've read the story you get the idea. We had a great ending to it, in my opinion. Everyone waited until the woman's son threw the first stone, and then crowded around, screaming and throwing foam rocks until she finally stopped crying out, and then everything paused. Still-frame, while the little girl in the background sings a skipping-rhyme - "How many years will you done last, how many papers will you pass, over and over the lottery comes, over and over it takes its sums." She'd sung it earlier while she skipped rope - perfectly innocent. And then the end. Boom. You realize what the rhyme means. The stage is washed in red light, which fades artistically (well, as artistically as possible given our ancient and sparse lighting system) into black. A five-second blackout, two seconds of light which reveal all of us standing in a line, then blackness again and we disappear. The audience should have been STUNNED. Of course we had a small audience and our acting wasn't flawless (hey, we're amateurs who can't make it into the theatre majors' productions), but I think we did all right. Most importantly, we had fun.

Halloween is Monday, and I officially don't care. If I do anything at all it'll be wrapping my cape around myself and stalking theatrically down the hall to trick-or-treat. No parties to go to, no candy to hand out, no friends to hang with (that I know of) and lots of homework to do. And planning... for NaNo. NaNo is the bigger event, as far as I'm concerned. At this point it may not be worth starting, but the HMS Optimism is still afloat and it's not going down as tragically as Titanic if I have anything to say about it. This is my third NaNo attempt and it's going to be a success if I have to type in my sleep to do it. Who needs sleep anyway? That's what caffeine is for, right? *giggle*

Friday, October 28, 2005

Rotary subluxation?

The medical records from the ER finally made their way to the health center here on campus, where I had gone to check the possibility of getting help in finding a neurologist who had a working phone number and an appointment open earlier than December. They included my radiology results, which have pretty much no comprehensible information in them unless you're a doctor. The paper is full of big technical words for a very simple problem. The nurse did explain it to me, though. She was very helpful and even tried to look up a diagram to show me which bones they were talking about. Apparently the top vertebra in my spine is slightly rotated and sitting weirdly on top of the second one, which may have been due to the way my head was (the scan showed it tilted to the right). It could also have been a problem I was born with. They're not sure. What they think it means is that the vertebra was misplaced because of the accident and they want me to get it looked at more closely. Considering that the report also says "The spinal canal appears uncompromised," I'm not worried. It doesn't hurt.

Today felt like a very short day so far. I went to one class, skipped the next to go to the health center and would have missed the third but it was an optional field trip anyway. I have to usher for Miss Saigon tonight, which means most of my evening is automatically gone. The highlights of the day were talking to the lady at the pasta station and getting a smile, and finding a stowaway piece of chicken in my pasta which was supposed to have only mushrooms in it. I like the little things in life, especially during times when I don't have anything big to smile about.

None of my homework for this week has been finished yet, and I honestly don't care much. My midterm grades look more hopeful than I dared expect.

Halloween is coming... yay? I don't have a costume. I was originally going to use my little chinese silk dress that I'm in the process of sewing but I never did get it finished. Then I thought about being a zombified foodservice worker, but that requires buying makeup, and I don't have anywhere to go anyway. I also considered being the Food Fairy, with a chicken nugget on the top of my wand, but that idea is not only unrecognizeable, it's silly. I don't do silly, because I'm already silly enough without emphasizing it. And the entire idea of Halloween just doesn't appeal any more.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


I rear-ended someone last night on the way back from Pittsburgh after having spent my entire fall break in Canada (nice, eh?). The car is totaled, my neck is sore and after an hour and a half in a hospital with a neck brace on, they gave me a CAT scan, a prescription for a muscle relaxant that I probably won't fill, and a "You're fine, you'll be sore, go home." Then they called me back this morning and told me something might be wrong. They want me to talk to a neurosurgeon who I haven't been able to get in contact with yet and have a neck brace/collar put on. Gah.

Rick came to get me, at least. I called him first and he came right out and sat with me in the hospital, then drove me home. He's a wonderful boyfriend ^_^. I feel bad that he called off work today because he stayed here to make sure I was okay last night, but I'm also really glad he did stay. Last night sucked.

Canada was nice, though. I got to meet Rick's ex-girlfriend, and she's nice. I'm afraid I was a bit territorial and clingy. I'd say it was more habit than conscious action - I don't mind the thought of hanging out with her. I hope she didn't think I was entirely nuts (although it's better than being thought entirely stupid). Either way we had a good few hours, just the three of us. We went bowling (my first time) and even though I lost I had some fun doing it. I also learned a few interesting things - you learn something new every day.

I guess the four-day break balanced itself out, because now I'm tired and sore but I'm still happy about Canada. Such is life, eh?

Friday, October 21, 2005

I'm ready!

(I hope).

This morning I got up extra-early, no more of that plague of sleeping in! Of course it helps when you tell your roommate not to let you go back to sleep, and then promptly get out of bed. Anyway, I dragged myself awake for the sole purpose of writing an essay. *gasp* This isn't just any ordinary essay, though. This is the essay that could change my life! Or at least my next semester. I've got to get into the Professional Sequence 1 to go on with my planned curriculum, and that means writing an essay which looks like this: "If you would pass by me, you must answer these questions three: Why have you decided to become a teacher? What personal and professional goals do you expect to achieve as a result of this decision? And What experiences have you had in working with children?" Of course I'm not allowed to just take the essay sheet up to my advisor and hand it in yelling "I DON'T KNOW!" Instead, I wrote two double-spaced pages about my inspirational teacher from 3rd grade (true), my experiences at camp and in KidsRead (mostly true), and my incredibly optimistic goals to improve the lives of my students (almost complete BS). Now I'm hoping it answered the questions well enough.

I have to meet with my advisor at 9. Here goes nothing!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

This scares me more than anything I've seen yet. It's bad enough that my cell phone has a GPS system with it, as do most new cars. It's worse yet that people are already numbers - SSN, Student ID - even in elementary schools the kids are being numbered. My little sister's number last year was 11, the boy I tutor's number is 17. The 'upper class' (government, big business and all the rest) is getting less and less personal and more and more overwhelming.

In other news, I went and stood in line for half an hour today, just to have someone ask me about my last menstrual cycle and stick a needle in my arm. The TB Test is a requirement to get into the ELED Professional Sequences here. I get to go back on Thursday to get the results (even though it's perfectly easy to see them for myself, as they're on my arm!). And maybe Friday I can get out of here... even if I have to miss Irish Dancing and two days of work, being irresponsible will feel good. I want to get off campus before winter hits and effectively traps me. I seriously dislike the cold.

Monday, October 17, 2005

KidsRead Session 2

(or Why I'll Never Have Boys)

I'm frustrated because I can't work magic. It's really that simple. Once again, despite Leah's attempts to get more tutors to volunteer, I ended up with the three boys (who I will call B, C, and K). The situation was supposed to be alleviated, Leah put me with three not because I asked, but because they all needed placement and she trusts me. That's a new one. At any rate, it wouldn't be so bad, but...

This session I wanted to get the boys to actively discuss what they picked to read over the break. No deal. C didn't seem to have read anything, B had chosen a book that was too difficult (although that's okay by me, at least he tried) and K he'd read the whole book but didn't know why he liked it. He also said he understood all the words except the spells - he's in fourth grade and had chosen Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Cue the astonished looks. I don't know if I can believe him but he's in an accelerated math class and his spelling words for the week included "isometric" and "acommodation." Why is he here? Probably because he's a minority student and his mother is the type who will do anything for her child to get ahead. *sigh*

The other two who hadn't read/didn't have anything to discuss sat and read Easy Reader books that C had chosen before they settled down toward the end. I never did get any of them to read out loud for more than a sentence, which means I still have no clear idea of their reading level. It's obvious that the three of them are at radically different levels, but exactly what they can and can't read/understand is beyond me. C is the worst to handle, at any rate, because he acts pretty ADD and won't focus on anything but drawing his comics. B is ok, but won't read out loud because he doesn't like it, and K seems to be doing pretty well without this program.

At any rate, I'm trying again. This time, they have to read and make a list of vocab words they want to know. If there were a poster child for indefatigable optimism, it'd be me. I refuse to give up, at least in the long run. Sure, I'll complain, but I'd rather be stuck in a bookless world for eternity than let those kids walk away from these sessions having learned nothing. And maybe one of them will be switched to another tutor...

NaNo is coming up. Sign up or die. Actually, that should be And. Sign up AND die. I haven't yet, but then I've never actually made it to 50,000 words either.

Monday, October 10, 2005

National Coming Out Week

is this week.

And since I've already had one soul-baring session this weekend, I thought it was a good time to say something I've half-hidden for a while. I'm bisexual.

Not that it makes a difference, but I just thought I'd let some of you know.

And on a totally unrelated note, I get lost too easily.

Monday, October 03, 2005


KidsRead, day 1 (for me, anyway). I am paired with 3 boys. Normally we try to do a one-on-one situation so that each child gets the maximum attention possible, but due to an abundance of children and a lack of trained tutors, many of us are working with two or even three kids in the same grade level.

My three boys are a mixed lot: two are chinese, two like Captain Underpants, and two can finish their homework without getting too distracted. And yes, it's a different pair each time. They're very gregarious and would rather laugh over Dav Pilkey's cartoons than read anything serious, but I got them to at least finish their spelling worksheets. They did their math homework, too. I'm not supposed to let them, as this is a reading workshop and not a study hall, but I'll admit I was unprepared. At the end we all trooped into the kids' section and each boy picked out a book he wanted to take home. Assignment: To read one chapter for next week's session... except I later found out there is no session next week, so they'll have two weeks to read. Yay? We'll be using the books they picked out as guides, I hope, so we can work on vocabulary, reading comprehension and reading out loud without switching materials each time they come in. The idea is that they will get some enjoyment out of reading the books they chose, I'll be able to judge their reading level more easily and mark progress, and by the end of the semester they should have completed one or more chapter books on their own. If it works I'll be thrilled.

I think being a teacher is going to be an incredible challenge, but at least I'm getting practice with smaller groups. And boys. Working at a Girl Scout camp leaves one with a rather lopsided education as far as the workings of children. I understand girls okay, and I am one, so that helps... but the opposite gender at any age is still rather mysterious, aside from the fact that most of them think toilet humor is great. Maybe tutoring three boys will help. Maybe it will drive me up a bookshelf.

Saturday, October 01, 2005


I have a tattoo. Don't worry, it's small. I don't have any pictures of it, so if you want to see it you'll have to come visit me in person. *waits for dad to do the Disappointed thing*

Work DHC today from 4:30-8, possibly longer if the manager is in a bad mood. I told her I might be able to work longer but had homework (which is actually true) and I think that since my shoulder's still a little sore, I'd rather not work overtime taking out garbage.

Yesterday was fun. My friend and sister and mom came down here... mom and sis for the Honors College open house, and friend just because. We wandered around for a while, mingling with the prospective students (who weren't frightened by me, which is a good sign). Then Al and I went out to glamourbomb the campus. It wasn't pure glamourbombing but we chalked a few things, left some cards with sayings and candy, and basically had fun. It might make people think, and that was the whole point for us.

I bought a book, too. It's a collection of poems by Pablo Neruda, including two of his love sonnets (one of which happens to be my favorite!), and it contains the translations as well as the original Spanish. I'm excited because this will give me the opportunity to practice reading in Spanish and maybe help my writing too, because it will improve my knowledge of the written language. Next on the list: read "Cien aƱos de soledad" and "Como agua para chocolate" in spanish. I've read the latter in English and it's fantastic, but it didn't give me the practice I wanted. The libraries around here don't carry any spanish literature. :(

Thus far the weekend has gone well. I'm waiting for the horrible tiredness that has become my life to drop upon me again... or anticipating it, since I have work in half an hour.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Love vs. love

Kines once again sparked a thought... ^_^.

There is a common misconception concerning love. Most people these days, as one of the comments says, are in lust. They, with the help and misguidance of the Media, have confused sexual longing for actual Love. But it's hard to tell the difference many times. In a relationship where sex is involved, how do you tell for sure whether you love the person because you feel dependent on them for physical intimacy, or whether you truly Love them?

I can't figure it out myself. I think I'm in Love. I feel incredibly strongly toward my current 'other'. I want to share my life with him in every way possible - including physical love. However, there is more to our relationship than a need for physical attention. We are friends on a deeper level. And that, I think, is part of Love. It's nearly impossible to Love someone who you don't get along with outside the bedroom. Despite our little feuds over where to go for lunch, he and I get along pretty well.

But what is Love, really? It's not just being friends, or even lovers. The word used to denote something more... a feeling that's hard to capture with words. It's something like caring for the other person, and something like feeling protective of the other person, and something like knowing that you can forgive the other person no matter what... and something like a lot of other things. Maybe it's like being a parent. Or does being a parent simply make it easier to Love? I could come up with half a thousand definitions of Love... but it all comes back to one thing. Love is what has happened when, after years and years together, you realize you're going to spend the rest of your life with this person because you'd never adjust to anyone else. ^_^ Or maybe that's just resignation :P

I'll try to tell you what I think Love is.

Love is accepting. For most of history, "Love" as we think of it hasn't counted much in marriages. Arranged marriage is still popular in Islamic nations, as well as the more traditionalist areas of India, China, the United States (yes, it happens here occasionally) and... well, the rest of the world. True, most of the industrially developed nations don't bother with it any more, but for some people an arranged marriage is the only way. I don't know anyone in an arranged marriage but it seems to me that if you were brought up well and your parents knew what they were looking for, you would find yourself quite happy with any match they brought home. Parents tend to be pretty observant of traits and quirks which most people ignore or hide when they are looking for their own mate. And like being assigned to share a dorm with someone you have never met before, the people in arranged marriages probably tend to settle into a comfortable co-existence out of necessity. Love comes later, if at all. Once you know someone, have learned their eating and sleeping habits, have picked up after them and taken care of them and lent them money, you start to love them. Little things remind you of their smile or their attitude. You miss them when they aren't around to talk to. You want to serve them, because you have respect for them and you know they would do the same for you. Love is Equal.

Love is Forgiving. Most of all, Love knows that everyone makes mistakes. There is nothing wrong with being angry for a little while - it is a natural reaction. But Love can forgive, even though a transgression may seem difficult to overcome.

Love is Respectful. People in loving relationships don't seem to have screaming fights very often, and I don't think it's because the sex is that good. An important part of any healthy relationship, romantic or not, requires both people to have respect for each other and themselves. If you can discuss a difference of opinions and still get along then you're much better off.

Love is many things. Look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It's one of my favorite Bible passages... although I still can't quote it. At any rate, whatever Love is or is not, I know one thing: when people think they are in Love, there isn't much anyone can do to convince them otherwise.

I could go on but this post is long enough already. I have homework to do... although if you'd like to debate any of these points or add your own, feel free.

Sunday, September 25, 2005


He comes to visit me... and visits the comp instead!

...[insert obligatory ads for Verizon here]...

^_^ I love my boy!

Saturday, September 24, 2005


There is a poster on my wall. It is titled: "everybody knows... SHIT HAPPENS". Under the huge title is a two-column list of -isms followed by their respective definitions. I like this poster for a few reasons. It's funny. It makes fun of most major belief systems, with an unbiased attitude. And last, but certainly not least - it's accurate.

A few examples:
Atheism: "I don't believe this s***"
Feminism: "Men are s***"
Amish: "Modern s*** is useless"
Cynicism: "We are all full of s***"
And so on. It covers Baptism, Televangelism, Capitalism, Voodoo, Disneyism ("Bad s*** doesn't happen here"), Surrealism ("Fish happens"), and Freud. Just about everything is up there. My personal favorite, though, happens to be Americanism: "Who gives a shit?"

The problem is that the poster is absolutely dead-on. Americans really do have that kind of attitude, as do many other people in the world. And I do give a shit. I care a heck of a lot about things that most people would shrug off. I keep the poster above my computer not only to remind me that (to quote the Politically Correct) "internally processed, nutritionally-drained biological output" happens, but also to prove the point that most people don't care about its happening. It makes me mad, but it also inspires me to get other people mad... to make them sit up and take notice of what's going on, and to get them to make things better. Some day I want to be able to take that poster down, because Shit won't be happening.

At work, there are a lot of older people who have permanent spots as kind of pseudo-managers. They work full time and know everything, and they're very nice to the student workers. One of them, Andy, is getting up there in years, but still comes in to do dishes all day long. I was taking out the garbage a few days ago and he was on break, and as I headed back inside, he pulled a little wooden object out of his pocket and showed it to me. "Know what this is?" he asked.
"Yep. It's a top."
"What color is it?"
"Red and white." (It was painted, half and half)
He spun it. "But if you spin it..."
"Pink!" I exclaimed, because it turns a lovely shade of pink when spun.
He gave it to me. Keep it, he said, and told me something about the man who made them.

The old man who makes these tops was in an accident and broke his neck. He still makes these little wooden tops, hand paints them, and sends them out to people. Apparently he'll give 400 or so to mission groups when he can.

They're nothing special, these little tops. They're small dowels pushed through a round wooden block, painted in two colors. And yet there's something unique about them. It's the knowledge that someone put time and love into these, gave them a purpose and a reason for being.

I think everything takes on a certain quality when it has been loved - even people. When we realize we are loved and that part of our reason for being is because of love, we glow a little too.

The world is a bipolar place. Some of the most awe-inspiring things in the entire universe exist in this tiny speck of space. Unfortunately, some of the most devastating things are right here as well. Seeing the way the earth looks now, I can't imagine how much more beautiful it was before we started to destroy it. And yet I am grateful we've preserved as much as we have, because I also can't imagine what it will look like if we continue to abuse it. Looking at the children today I'm glad we're raising a new generation to provide hope for the future. Looking closer I'm appalled by their lack of respect for anything around them, and their lack of good education. "The optimist believes this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears he is right." I don't know who said that first, but it's pretty accurate.

I guess we have to take the bad with the good - if you put all the 'bad' in one hemisphere and all the 'good' in another, it would blur with the earth's rotation anyway - it would be grey. The question is how dark that grey will be. Will it be the dark grey of a thunderhead, or the light grey of the mist over a warm lake on a summer morning? It's up to us to choose our color. I'd like a lighter shade - they look better on me.

Thursday, September 22, 2005


Last night noticed that the left side of my throat was mildly sore. I came home, ate 15 or so chicken nugget-things I brought home from work with me, and stayed up too late because my roommate was doing homework and I didn't want to be a bitch and demand lights off. I had homework, too.

This morning my stomach is demanding that I abstain from chicken nuggets for life, (at least I hope that's why I don't feel well) and my throat still hurts. But it's not enough to get me out of class. That would take... hm. West Nile, a bad case of the flu, a broken neck -all three of which would have to come with a doctor's note-, or a death in my immediate family, and the obituary to prove it. Oh, people skip class all the time, and what's to keep me from using the excuse that I slept through it? The problem is that I'm too respectful of the rules to skip class (most of the time). So off I go, and hope that today will turn out well.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

If bees were this busy, their wings would fall off.

I mean that, too.
The only time I've had to relax today was a half hour between the early finish of my psych test and the start of my earth and space science class. I sat down in the grass, read my new book, and felt warm. It was too short.
I did get something done, though. I got my child abuse clearance form filled out, got the money order, and mailed it. Now hopefully it comes back before the end of the month. I can't tutor without it.

Today, I have work from 4:30 to 11pm. I will be tired, sore and bitchy when I get back. This job provides the opposite of mental strain, whatever you want to term that, and my brain feels like it atrophies after a few minutes of DHC. So I'm blogging now to save you all from my caveperson self.

According to my Earth and Space Science prof, the earth's rotation is slowing (very slowly, of course) due to a slight drag created by our rather large (comparatively speaking) moon. That means days are actually getting slightly longer. To all those people who have lamented the lack of adequate hours in a day, there's hope.

I've been relatively good about getting the "important" stuff done lately - the stuff that keeps reminding me to finish it. However, getting my car started (or giving up and buying a new goddamn battery, because when/where am I going to find someone to jump-start it?) keeps falling off the end of the list, as does getting that transcript I need for a scholarship, writing a character profile for my part in The Lottery, and seeing my advisor about my courses for next semester. I'm sure I've forgotten more than that...

Eh. Time to go. Just remember: to find peace within yourself, smile and breathe.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


My teacher for this morning's art class did an unforgiveable thing: she wasted my time. I got up early, got ready to go, took a ten-minute walk all the way to the other side of campus... and found a note on the door. It said: "Dr. -----'s classes for Tues. 9/20 are cancelled." Well. It's a two hour class, and my next one is on the near side of campus, which would have meant another ten minute walk anyway. The dining hall is across the street, but I already had breakfast. I didn't have much choice but to walk back here and sit down again. You know, she could have emailed us... I just took at twenty minute walk I would rather have spent reading - which I should be doing anyway.

At this point, my time is a precious thing. I spend most of it running between classes, meetings and work. When I can sit down for a few hours, homework rears its eraser-marked head. There's little excuse for me to just drop onto the bed or into the computer chair and space out, and when I do it's usually at the expense of something else I was supposed to finish or attend.

Excuse the language, but ...oh, shit. My bank account was just overdrawn. Goddamn checks... Goddamn art class. I forgot about the fact that I'd written a check for my art supplies, and given it to the teacher - mandatory spending, because it's cheaper when the whole class gives her money and she buys supplies in bulk. Well, she cashed the check, and my account was $1.76 below the check's amount. And then, unaware of the mishap, I went to the coffee house last night with some friends, and bought an overpriced chai. Oops. Hey, mom, wanna forward me some money? I'll pay you back in two weeks when my paycheck comes...

And with that happy start to the day, I'm off to finish the book I'm supposed to have read for today's Research Writing class.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Toe, hop, back ... wha?

Tonight, I continued to learn something that I've always been fascinated by: Irish Dancing. Remember Riverdance? I get to do a simplified version of it. They danced hardshoe, which is more difficult... but I'm learning softshoe steps, and it's really exciting. The teacher is a fellow student who's been dancing for years and the other people in the 'class' are just great, all very enthusiastic even though most of us would normally classify our feet as Left and Left. Anyway, we're into our third week of meetings and we've learned three sets of steps. One is a circle dance that's incredibly simple and incredibly fun. So I'm finally getting to take dance lessons, no thanks to the mother who said I couldn't do ballet :P And this kicks ballet's tutu any day.

In other news, my job is exhausting, but at least I'm going to be paid in two weeks. The worst part is just the monotony of DHC (Dining Hall Cleanup), which I was put on three times this week even though I'm only scheduled for twice. Not that I'll complain openly - I get paid $0.35/hr more to take out the trash.

I've got to adjust to not having much time for Life any more. With 16.5 credit hours of classes (and one's a science/lab which takes up 4 hours a week, but is only worth 2.5), 18 hours of work, ushering, group meetings, KidsRead and homework, I'm looking forward to Sunday as my only partial day off.

And I'm also looking forward to bedtime. Good night, world.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Death By Foodservice

(Or, Evidence the Universe has PMS)

Today has been one of Those Days that can only be described as unpleasant, for no reason I can fathom. It started off too early, because I had plans to go to the last weekend of the Ren Fest in Pittsburgh, but decided last-minute not to, and was already up and awake, so I told my friends I wasn't going. And then they reminded me of a pouch I said I'd let them borrow to hold their money. I didn't have it - during the room change fiasco I moved it into my 'new' room and left it there when I came back here. There it was behind a locked door, and there I was feeling bad.

So I made up my mind to have a good, productive day. I folded my laundry, I made my bed, I read a little bit more of The Light Fantastic. I set out to meet my sword-fighting group for some fun, wearing flip-flops. The days have been hot and dry, there is construction going on, and dust is everywhere. My feet were covered in nastiness pretty quickly. Bad idea. I also hurt my foot on an invisible stick. Ow?

Feeling gross after a bit of fighting in which I was first to die 9/10 of the time (and only 4 people showed up), I decided I'd go get my car and do some shopping. The car is parked in the huge lot at the far end of campus - a fifteen minute walk at least. Apparently, the lights were left on when I parked it two weeks ago. I had to walk back carless and sweaty, decided I didn't want to walk any farther than the nearest bus stop, and collapsed. And waited. And burned my legs on a hot bench.

The bus was so crowded it was standing room only. Apparently Saturday afternoon is a popular time to go shopping. And after I'd gotten through the grocery store, Goodwill (didn't find what I hoped to), and the mall (forgot a coupon for Borders but got the discount anyway), my bags were too heavy and the bottom ripped out of one. My jar of blackberry jam was almost left on the floor of the bus; instead it ended up dropping with a horrible glassy splat onto the concrete where it jiggled for a second. Ai.

And to top off the evening, I decided to half-jokingly ask a friend who works at the nearest food place if they were still hiring. They were, and he pointed me to the manager, who basically pounced upon the fresh meat and hired me on the spot. I'm now resigned to doing the one job I swore I'd never do - foodservice, for minimum wage - on evenings and weekends.

I feel like a disappointment to myself; and the universe is leaning back with a lazy grin and asking why I bother with optimism. I'm tempted to throw something at it.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


"God grant me the Strength to change the things I can, the Patience to endure the things I can not, and the Wisdom to know the difference."

I'm a patient person when I have to be. There is a quiet place inside that I can go to when waiting is required. Yet when I'm working toward my own goals or expecting something to happen, I'm like a child. I get excited and start thinking and moving faster, and want the rest of the world to keep up with me. I can't tell myself to calm down and work slowly, because I can see what's going to happen next and wish it would happen now. Some days I feel like I'm in a glass train, a prison with no door, and I can see the destination long before we near it but no matter how I strain to make the prison move faster, it never does. Sometimes it even feels like it's slipping backwards, and there is no way to break free.

I've been questioning a lot lately: my classes and education, my goals, my actions and thoughts and feelings, even my relationships - and I can't give myself answers, and I can't put the question into words to ask someone else. Everything seems unsteady except Peter - my rock. (I like your given name, though I don't use it in public) He's an island of certainty in my little sea of doubt. Maybe it's the time of year. Maybe it's something else. There is an unrest growing in me that has nothing to do with what I'm doing at any particular moment. Something that tells me it's time to quit this messing around with classes that don't matter and potential employers too busy to call; I should be working and independent and Grown Up. I want out. I want to be done. I want to be able to look back and say "That was worth my time." instead of sitting here thinking "This is a waste of time." Every day I manage to be "busy," but I'm not doing anything. Writing papers, reading, gaining more insight into... the politics of running a state institution? I'm not happy when I'm not working on something I love, or something that will advance me toward a goal.

PSYC 101 is a regression, not an advancement. I may only attend on test days, because it utterly failed to get my attention - I read Dune in class and still managed to keep up with the notes/lecture (anyone who knows how I am with books will see how bad the class is). The truth is, most of my classes don't seem to be useful this semester. With the exceptions of Spanish and Art, there is nothing challenging and without a challenge, how am I supposed to grow? I'm tired of busy work and blanket requirements and politics and tact. I want to run barefoot and screaming through the Oak Grove, and laugh at the confusion... but it wouldn't change anything.

People are stupid. When I say I could never live in a city because of the lack of nature, I'm half-lying. I could never live with that many stupid people, no matter how interesting they were. I hate them all in their smug shallow self-absorbed lives. I hate their ignorance and their apathy and their pollution of our world, our minds and our hearts. I hate that we were born into a world where we are numbered and tracked by our government and hated by our sister countries and where freedom of speech sometimes means the freedom to choose between "Yes, Sir." or "No, Sir." I despise the way our educational system brings in people from all over the world and has yet to produce an entirely geographically literate class from any of our schools. I hate that world history in America means "Where America Fits Into History, OR Famous Americans and Why We Are Better." I hate the ethnocentrism we still hang on to. I hate the idea that somehow being American means being Better. What happened to Liberty and Justice For All? It's not - it never was - supposed to refer to the majority. I despise our idiocy and our hypocrisy as a nation of (mostly) God-Fearing White Christians whose only goal is to help Ourselves, whether or not our brothers and sisters drown. I could go on for miles about what I dislike about this country, and the only solution I can see clearly is to tear it all down and rebuild, starting with family values and education. There are few other changes to the system that would even semi-permanently fix any of the problems we have now.

Damn it.

Somewhere in there I forgot to mention that I'm supposed to be moving in with a freshman to avoid having a non-honors student moved in with me as the transitional housing problems are alleviated. I'm feeling ambiguous about this. I know she's a nice girl and I'm sure we'll get along fine, but I like my privacy, too. Sharing a room is something I haven't done in a very long time.

Monday, August 29, 2005


A girl I know has given birth to a baby boy. She named him Daniel. She is 19, unmarried, without a good job last I heard, and in college. I'm happy for her, because a birth is always a wonderful occasion; at the same time I am disappointed. I never thought that she would become a statistic: another unwed teenage mother.

You know, I'd love to be a mother. It's an important goal of mine - but not now. I know better than to risk my entire future and that of my child. I'm in college. I work (if I get the job) part time. I have classes to take and student teaching to do. I have grad school ahead of me. There is no sensible way for me to have a child right now without giving up my education and struggling to make a living. My whole life is ahead of me.

It always makes me wonder what goes through these girls' heads: why they're making decisions that will put another obstacle on the road to success. For that matter, what do they want out of life? Everyone should have a goal... and they don't seem to have very high ones. I guess it's just up to each person on his or her own to decide what's best and what will make them happy. I just wish that they wouldn't put themselves on the track to welfare so early in life.

That was the CliffNotes(tm) version of a rant I should probably elaborate on, but don't want to. My brain is overrun by various times and dates I'm supposed to remember. I already have a few assignments, and it's only the first day of classes.

I've had lots to do and think about lately and it looks as though my busy semester is going to get busier yet. KidsRead Tutoring is Monday nights, I'm ushering for six shows in the next two semesters, I may write for the campus newspaper again, TOST (the theatre group) is on my list, weekends are time to swordfight with my LARP group... the list goes on. I'm hoping to add a job to it, too. It looks overwhelming when I stop to think about it, and then I stop thinking and keep piling things on. The way I see it, I have three more years to do as much as humanly possible to make my resume look good and I plan to dive in headfirst.

Here's hoping the semester (indeed, the year) goes spectacularly. :)

Friday, August 26, 2005

Rain, Rain...

Yesterday was what some might call a Long Day (tm). It wasn't any longer than any other day I've had recently, but it was rather frustrating at times. Let's just say that city driving isn't my favorite pasttime. At any rate, it's over now and I'm sitting in one of my favorite places - The Apartment in Pittsburgh. I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend here and then it's off to school early Sunday morning. So. That's that.

Today, it's raining. At least, this afternoon it's raining. It doesn't bother me except I've discovered that by some horrible twist of fate, the sunroof (otherwise known as the hole in the top of my car) leaks on occasion. It leaks mostly into the passenger seat and the floor, but my computer monitor is currently in that seat - with the seatbelt on - and I'd rather it stayed dry. Luckily the rain is only a light misting, which is the sort I love second best (just behind the torrents-of-doom sort of rain that accompanies thunderstorms of great magnitude). I considered taking a walk in it, but there's a rather limited choice of places to walk in the area, and I'd rather have company.

The boy is at work for another six hours or so, which means I get to find new ways to amuse myself while he's out. There's the sewing I started, but pinning and cutting is rather tough to do without a clean, hard work area like a table, which the apartment distinctly lacks. Ah well.

And I've finished my book. Good Omens is absolutely the best book I've read in ages. It's on my list of Best Books. I think I'd put it above Watership Down for sheer hilarity but below Douglass Adams for Quotability. Or maybe above HHGTG because it's simply brilliant. At any rate it's god. I just typed "god" where I meant to type good. :D And Terry Pratchett goes on my Most-Worshipped Authors list, because he has proven that he is the God of Funny. Dust and fundamentalists, indeed. Go buy the book now. It's worth your money.


So yes. It definitely feels like the end of summer now. There are apples ripening in the orchard at home, and the world has that intensely ready feeling to it as though it was an apple and it's just turned perfectly ripe. You know the kind of feeling... it hangs in the air. Things are being harvested, vacations are over, the storm clouds are just appearing on the horizon. Everything is ready for autumn. My favorite time of year is early autumn, when it's not too rainy or cold, but the sunlight comes in through the yellowing leaves with a certain slant that makes everything golden, and the leaves are crisp where they've fallen, and the hills light up with color in a way that takes one's breath away, especially in places where all you can see for miles around are hills. The apples are sweetest right from the trees, wild ones especially. It's a time when everything is getting ready for a respite from growth and activity, except the children, who we're sending off to school. School is nice, too. It's a new start at the end of the year, a return to the old patterns again. I like that.

/poetic daydreaming

Does anyone else notice that after reading a particularly good book, they imitate the style of the author(s) in their writing?

And yes, this is nearly the same post I put into my livejournal. Hehe...

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

All my bags are packed and I'm ready to go...

Yep, I'm all ready to head south again. The plan is to go to the boy's first, and stay there till the dorms open, then have him follow me up to school so I have someone to help me unload the Golf. I actually managed to fit everything (excluding the computer, obviously) into its tiny hatch, thanks to the back seat folding forward. The computer and the last few things I'm using today are going to fit, too. I'm excited about that; I like being (mostly) independent.

My cat is ill. Actually, it's my sister's cat, and I'm sure if you asked the cat, she'd say we all belonged to her, but that's beside the point. She had a seizure this morning and another this afternoon, something I've never heard of in a cat, and while I wasn't there to see the first one, apparently it scared my mother into thinking Princess was dying. The vet says she's fine, but a little underweight and has a bad ear infection (mom had thought it was just ear mites). Little sister is worried, middle sister cares but isn't praying too hard about it. I'm more or less unconcerned, as an ear infection isn't the worst that could happen by far, and there's nothing any of us can do for the seizures except make sure she's not going to hit her head on things. It won't do any good to worry about a situation that we can't change, even if it does seem callous not to.

I'm shopping for a mini fridge still. The school charges $30 a semester for a fridge and microwave set that are both tiny and if you add up the cost, it's cheaper to buy both than to rent them. The microwave was an easy find, but the fridges seem to be rare, because I couldn't find any acceptible ones in WalMart or elsewhere here. I've resorted to EBay, and dug one up that can be picked up from someone in PA, which is convenient, and it's also cheap. Three cheers for the internet. Now I hope I win the auction.

Signing off blogger till after I get to the apartment. Love to you all who read this, and I'll see some of you soon :)

By the way, raise your hand if my post title caused you to break into song. Thinking the lyrics counts.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

When In Rome... the first song on Nickel Creek's new album, Why Should the Fire Die?. I just picked up the CD from MediaPlay - on sale for $13, so I figured I'd be nice (to myself, that is) and buy it.

Sitting here at the boy's apartment with the kitten running around and acting very kitten-ish (which, in this case, means ADHD to the extreme). I'm finally home from camp and have less than two weeks now till I go back to school... so I figured I'd make the most of it and stay away from home for as long as possible :P Actually, coming down here for a few days stemmed from a few things. One was the idea that I'd be away from mom's smoking that much longer, because being away from a smoker's house eleven months out of the last 13 or so, I've managed to develop an even greater sensitivity to the stench and the incredible amounts of smoke in the atmosphere. It makes me naseous when I get into the car now, because it smells so strongly. And so the farther from my mother's horrible habit I am, the happier (and healthier) I'll feel. Sorry, mom; I know you don't want to hear it but deal. I dealt with your smoke for 18 years. The other big reason was that summer camp for me and year-round school for him meant I couldn't see the boy as often as either of us would have liked and so we've got a lot to catch up on. It'll be relaxing to just not deal with home for a little while longer, and have someone to cuddle. Yay, cuddles.

I miss my school life: friends, dorm rooms, classes, hot chai in the morning (It's best bought hot from the coffee stands on campus) and the film fests at the local theater. Especially the friends. I can't wait till I get back and can go hang out in the new apartment most of them have moved into, and get my room back (perhaps with a new, unannounced roommate, we'll see how that goes) and get the Great Hall and the Oak Grove and the Shakespeare Garden to meander in or curl up with a good book in a corner of.

And speaking of books, I've just bought one. So as soon as I read it, expect some babbling about it. It's co-authored by Terry Pratchett. Yay :)

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Just to show...

A day in the life of Otter. It's the last week!

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Oh, the joy.

Two more weeks of campers, a week of cleanup, and then I'm free... to pack. I'm headed back to school on Sunday, the 28th. The horrible thing about that is that classes start on the 29th. Supposedly I'll be assigned a roommate, but the last thing I heard from housing was that they hadn't given me one yet, and the person would be randomly assigned sometime between the time they sent me that little notice and the day I move in. I'm half expecting someone I'll be able to scare out (like I did with my last roommate) before December. The optimistic part of me is expecting an empty room again.

It's not that I don't like sharing my space, but sharing your living quarters with someone takes a lot of energy and some degree of friendship. Jessica* never even talked to me, except to ask if it was okay if she watched tv, or to tell me when she was leaving. The friendliest thing I ever got out of her was "Have a good time at class." I'm still not sure why she left, though I'm assuming it was a combination of having a room available with her friend, thinking I didn't like her much, and knowing I usually had my boyfriend over on weekends when she was at home. It amuses me to think that I scared a roommate away just by having a boy in the room.

Anyway, I've got to get ready for camp again. Time to put on the DisneyWorld smile again and play the happy counselor for another week. And maybe this week I'll actually be able to see the boi. I miss him.

*Names changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

Sunday, July 17, 2005


I've got about fifteen minutes before I'd like to be on the road and headed back to camp. This week I'm with Outpost, which combines two of my (usually) favorite activities, camping out all week and riding horses. They're older girls and should be able to handle whatever we throw at them, and I'm looking forward to a week with less fighting and frights than last week had.

For those who haven't heard, last week was a nightmare. We had girls who wouldn't stop fighting except to start whining and wouldn't listen to instructions until we repeated them three times, we were late for lots of activities, they were up too late at night (meaning I was up too late with them) and halfway through the week one half of the girls were on a trail ride and ended up in a nest of ground bees. Scariest moment this year, so far: Hearing screams, and a few seconds later seeing three horses come galloping down the trail they just went up, riderless with reins loose and looking like they're going to run right past the area you need them to stay in. Luckily they did stop as soon as they got to their arena, and stood outside the fence while I caught them. The girls were okay too.

I'm sure I could use more sleep but at least I'm ready to go. Hopefully next week I'll have time to catch up on news from the outside world. This weekend...

The 16th marked a full year with the boi. ^_^ I spent the day with him and we went out to the movies last night. It was a good day, and made up for the crappy week. <3 to him for driving all the way up from Pittsburgh to spend some time with me, and >O to my mother, who told me I can't drive down to see him because of my inexperience with city driving. Bah. At least I've got a car now.

And YES, I heard about London. And I'm concerned about the future of the world in general, but mostly about America, Asia and Europe.