Tuesday, December 27, 2005


There's a lot to say but no one to say it to, so this may be short.

Christmas was good, in comparison to other years. I went with the boy on Christmas Eve and enjoyed the family get-together at his aunt's house. There was some drama, but for the most part it was just me and him comfortable on the couch downstairs, watching TV and avoiding the noisy adults. I don't really feel like I am one yet but playing with the kids is out of the question - I'm definitely not 12 any more. So it was nice just repeating last year and sitting out of the way, warm and full of good food.

If I could change any one thing about myself, it would be my dedication to making everyone happy. I have tried so hard to please everyone else and myself all at once that I'm about to fall apart at the seams. Advice to those who want to make people happy: don't. I'm not saying being selfish works either, because it tends to get me into more problematic situations than making people happy... well, nevermind. They both suck. I'm screaming at myself, Just find a balance already.

Friends and Family: If I had a way to get there I'd drive up on Friday, because missing my sister's 14th birthday and my friends' New Years' party isn't something I really want to do. But between three weeks of boredom punctuated by visits and parties I'll probably feel slightly uncomfortable at, or three weeks of the boy every day, with shopping and games and cuddling, I'll take the boy.
Boy: You've heard just about everything I have to say. I love you very much.
Blog Readers: Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Enjoy what you've got and tell someone you love them every day. Give people hugs... they make everyone's day a little better.

I wish winter would end. I miss basking in sunshine.

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