Mm, tea.

Getting up early is almost nice. Almost. I've been waking up with the boy at 5 (who could sleep through his alarm anyway?) and taking a nap around mid-morning to catch up on those last two or three hours of sleep. Don't know how he stays awake all day. I guess I'm just not used to it. I should get used to it, though. I'm going to be working a lot next semester and probably not getting as much sleep.

I'm trying not to worry about him taking his brand-new bike to work. I know it's not freezing and icy but it is winter and it's not like he has a lot of experience. Eh, I'd worry even if he did. As I tell him, I'm a girl, and it's my job to worry. ^^' Someone has to.

The parental units have kindly offered to come pick me up if I want to come home for Lil'un's birthday. It would be good to be there. She grows up so fast when I'm not around. Both of them do. Sister 1 is applying to colleges. I know she'll get into all of them, she's a smart girl. Too smart, sometimes :P

The fun thing about being home alone all day is that you get a lot of those little side-things done. You know; the ones that tend to be shoved to the bottom of the list time after time, because you're busy. I've started sewing that dress that I began in July, and am working on a crocheted shawl that I might just finish before the end of break. Need a little more yarn, though. Meh to patterns that can't be made with one skein/ball. And I'm playing housewife and keeping things relatively tidy around here, or at least in a constant state of disorganization. Dishes have been washed, laundry put away, and one of these days I'll actually make dinner. We have tons of xmas leftovers, though. And yes, I AM eating. For some reason I have lost weight (a few pounds - am I really that thin that a few pounds would show?) and although I insist that it's muscle weight because I didn't have fat to lose in the first place and haven't done a good workout in months, my mother told the boy to make sure I eat. Ah well. No complaints here. Though if the apartment complex's fitness center is open (I think they have one, anyway) I might stroll over some day.

Found something that wasn't mentioned on CNN (at least as far as I know). You'd think the Christian community would be more... disrupted.... by this. I think it's funny. No offense to the religious or opinionated, but you have to admit that there is amusement value. And how ironic that it's in Rome. Oh, the Catholic Church must love that.

Pittsburgh

There's a lot to say but no one to say it to, so this may be short.

Christmas was good, in comparison to other years. I went with the boy on Christmas Eve and enjoyed the family get-together at his aunt's house. There was some drama, but for the most part it was just me and him comfortable on the couch downstairs, watching TV and avoiding the noisy adults. I don't really feel like I am one yet but playing with the kids is out of the question - I'm definitely not 12 any more. So it was nice just repeating last year and sitting out of the way, warm and full of good food.

If I could change any one thing about myself, it would be my dedication to making everyone happy. I have tried so hard to please everyone else and myself all at once that I'm about to fall apart at the seams. Advice to those who want to make people happy: don't. I'm not saying being selfish works either, because it tends to get me into more problematic situations than making people happy... well, nevermind. They both suck. I'm screaming at myself, Just find a balance already.

Notes
Friends and Family: If I had a way to get there I'd drive up on Friday, because missing my sister's 14th birthday and my friends' New Years' party isn't something I really want to do. But between three weeks of boredom punctuated by visits and parties I'll probably feel slightly uncomfortable at, or three weeks of the boy every day, with shopping and games and cuddling, I'll take the boy.
Boy: You've heard just about everything I have to say. I love you very much.
Blog Readers: Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Enjoy what you've got and tell someone you love them every day. Give people hugs... they make everyone's day a little better.

I wish winter would end. I miss basking in sunshine.

Joy to the World

It's Christmas Eve, and the family's sitting in front of the TV. Gah. They're watching "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." I'm half-watching it. Not really worth the attention. Little Sis is upstairs reading for once - I applaud that. She has threatened to wake me up at 2am though, so I may barricade my door. Nobody's disturbing my sleep.

The lady at Wal-Mart the other night said "Merry Christmas." I wonder if the corporate policy shifted or if she was just sick of "Happy Holidays"... 'cause last I heard everyone was complaining about the political correctness of the holiday season. Ugh. People need to learn to deal.

I'm trying to make this meaningful but it's just ramble. I went to Rick's aunt's house tonight and had a pretty good time despite us being the only two people our age there. ^^ And by the way, it was nearly 50 today. Wow.

Merry... Happy... Have a Satisfactory, Non-denominational, Capitalist, Wintertime Gift-giving Season!

A note on Christmas. This woman is my heroine. I wish I had her inner strength.

A long, long time ago...

I just dug out a post that I started, thought about posting and decided to research more. Good thing I didn't, it would've become a book.

I had a thought this morning (June 25th) about The Church. I'm not talking specifically about the one down the street from me, or a certain religious sect, but about religious groups in general. A generalization obviously does not apply to all groups or in all situations but this is simply what I have observed concerning the larger and better-known religions, including most branches of Christianity.
Many of the great masters of religion spent their most spiritually fulfilling years in poverty.

We start with Abraham, the man from whom three major religions - Judaism, Christianity and Islam - are said to be descended. He was told to give up not his material possessions, but something more dear: his beloved son Isaac. This is obviously because material possesions aren't worth much to God.

Jesus was the son of a carpenter, which at that time was a middle-class job, but his mother obviously couldn't bribe the inn owner for a room. He grew up learning a trade and working for a living, not living off the wealth of donations from those who would have his blessing. So he didn't teach from a golden throne, he taught from a rocky hilltop, and it was what he said that mattered, not what he wore or how much money he made.

I know most people associate white robes with purity and holiness, but it's probably just as true to say that Jesus wore "white" (If I'm correct, it wasn't bleached white, but the typical creamy white of unbleached wool) because dyed material would have cost more and he didn't care about appearing royal.

Muhammad, prophet of Allah and founder of Islam, left his followers with the commandment to share with the poor and be humble.

Even the Buddha, who was born a prince, found enlightenment after he left the material world of the palace and lived as a beggar. He spent his days teaching under trees, not in the courtyards of palaces.

Confucius? Confucius say, he who fart in church sit in own pew. Okay, so Confucius didn't live a beggar's life but he was pretty damn smart.

It isn't only the Christian scripture that tells us how difficult it is for the wealthy to get into heaven or reach nirvana. There's a lot out there instructing us to get rid of our possessions and attachments before we can really get onto the path toward spiritual truth and awakening. However, I'm most familiar with the Christian type of hypocrisy. Matt 19:24, Mark 10:25, Luke 18:25 - "It is easier for a rope to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Funny how that same line is repeated over and over through the retellings of Christ's teachings. And yet most of the self-labeled "Christians" I know have good jobs and expensive SUV's and HDTVs, and wouldn't easily let go of their comforts.

So why does the Church "need" (and have) so much money, land and material goods? They obviously don't need it to spread the Word, because their founders/masters/inspirational figures didn't need it and they managed to start large followings all the same. They shouldn't care about material goods as a base for having power, because the power of God should be the main force of the Church, not the power of a few thousand acres of land and two or three billion dollars. The Church essentially does not even need to own a meeting place, although it is more convenient for them to do so. The bible states that as far as worship goes, it can be done at home and without ceremony (Matthew 6), but many people find that finding the time and privacy to worship in their homes is inconvenient and sometimes just uncomfortable.

Wait. Convenience and comfort! It's a driving force behind almost everything we and the Church do today. Look at how most of us live. We shop at Wal-Mart or its equivalent, we take hot showers for granted and when we want food we don't even have to inconvenience ourselves enough to cook - toss a premade pizza in the oven and you're good to go. Instead of focusing on how we live and what we believe, we focus on fitting into the crowd - being another of the sheep. Following blindly is easy, it requires no thought and uses the time we would otherwise use to think for ourselves. And besides, if you look good to everyone else, where's the sense in actually working to be good? Nobody can tell the difference, right?

Apparently for a religious group to be successful, it doesn't have to tell the truth or explain the mysteries of the universe; it's the presentation that counts and not the backstage work. So Churches are large and beautifully decorated, most ask for donations or support from their members and all of them hold some kind of power that allows them to advertise the comfort and convenience people have come to expect from life. The Churches gain members not by seeking those who willingly come for the truth, but by seeking those who willingly give up the truth for a life of comfortable materialism. There's a lot going on behind the scenes, but it's hidden to those who aren't paying close attention and that means most of the congregation will look at the surface, see their reflection shining prettily back and never bother getting wet to check if the bottom of the spring is as clear as the top.

That's all for tonight, folks. Thanks for tuning in to another session of Thoughts by Fae.

*Scriptural quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible (NASB) and BlueLetterBible*

"When Murder Hits the Blogosphere"

Murder by MySpace would have been a more apt title. I don't consider MySpace to be part of the 'blogosphere' at all, despite the fact that it offers web journals as part of profiles. It's full of people whose main intent is not to blog but to hang out online, and my idea of the blogosphere is somewhere the bigger kids go to share ideas, opinions and thoughts first, and hang out second if at all. Just a thought though.

The fact that the murder happened at all is frightening, and it brings us back to the same thing people have been saying for centuries (or at least every year I can remember): Parents ought to pay attention to their children! I believe that if for once they would sit down and listen, get involved, keep their girls away from guys four years older (especially in high school *shudder*), teach their boys how to respect women, etc, the world would be a much better place. Instead (prepare for Generalizations!) they use TV as the automatic babysitter and let the little anklebiters grow up as they will, with only occasional monetary support and halfhearted discipline. Or they beat their children into submission because they're afraid they'll run off and do something stupid.

There are days my faith in humanity is in the negative numbers. Sometimes it hits 0, and that's when you know I'm having a good day. And when it gets to 10, I'm obviously blissfully ignorant of anything around me. At the moment it's hovering somewhere near absolute zero.

DRAMA!

Speaking of Drama...
Last night at Chick-Fil-A a pair of girls walked up to the counter to order, and stood there talking for a minute. The first girl was on a rant about some other girl, who was a b**** and the ugliest girl she'd ever seen and had no manners, while the other girl was saying supportive things.
Girl 1: "I mean, who does she even think she is?!"
Girl 2: "It starts with 'T' and ends with 'R-A-S-H.'"
They ordered, I got their food and they kept talking about the wicked evil woman who was obviously catching the interest of someone important. As they took their tray, I addressed Girl 1: "Losing your boyfriend to another girl?"
Them (surprised): "How did you know? *giggle*" And they walked away still complaining.

I'm tired of drama, personally. I've created enough of my own that I don't want to think about anyone else's, let alone hear about it as they proclaim to the world that their boyfriends are lying cheating bastards. It's stupid, men are assholes, get over it. Obviously if he's leaving you you're not so great yourself, and in my experience the ones who take a breakup the hardest are the most insecure. *sigh*

I overslept this morning (I don't even remember setting my alarm now that I think about it) and woke up halfway through my first class. It's happened to me before, but I hate when it does - except this morning. This morning I was just glad to get the extra two hours of sleep, and a chance to study for my Geography test... which I haven't done, and class is in half an hour. Oh well. At least I'll be well-rested.

I want my paycheck. Apparently I need to stop buying Chai from the coffee places so often.

Smart Shopping.

There was a craft show at the student union building. I went over to shop, because I thought I might find something cute for a friend. Two hours and just over $100 later, I've nearly finished my Christmas shopping. I love handmade crafts, and I love local artisans, and Wal-Mart isn't getting any visits from me this year. :D I feel fantastic about it, too. The people I bought from were nice, and very talented, and there was just about everything under the sun to choose from. I even got myself something just because I could. This Christmas is going to rock.

Typing link: and a url into google (no spaces) will bring up pages that have linked to that address. Apparently, sidebar links don't show up though - I know I'm linked on abandoned hero's blog, and darkheart's, but neither shows up. Oh well.

I miss Rick even though I saw him last night/this morning. It was a short visit but we managed to watch some anime and cuddle at least. I hate being so far away from him. It's been bothering me a lot lately.

And finals week is coming up. I have six finals, at least one of which (Science) is optional. My Spanish Composition final is going to be writing a cover letter for our portfolios - oh boy. My grammar's still awful and we don't get to revise them. Proofreading is a must for that. Science isn't a cumulative test, just the last unit exam - easy. Psych is the second version last unit exam, so it'll be very easy if I have to go at all. I'm not sure about the Eled final but it's an art class - how bad can it be? I'm more worried about Geography, which might kick my arse, and Research Writing, which might put me to sleep. Anyway. Finals will be a breeze this year, for the most part. I also have three papers, two lesson plans and an art project to finish this week. Maybe I should actually be productive tomorrow.

This afternoon I went to my friends' apartment for a Christmas potluck type thing. It was awesome and fun and I'm really glad I had the time to go. Right afterward I had to work though, and it was a slow afternoon so until the very end I had nothing to do, then suddenly five garbage cans (which had been half empty for hours) filled up in minutes, and people started making lots of messes as they left en masse. I don't ever want to work in foodservice again. Only one more Saturday... one more which I'm working overtime on. Then I'm done with my Saturday shifts forever. After work I ran for the theater (thank goodness it's next door), crammed dinner into my mouth and watched a great play put on by our student theatre group, of which I am a part. They are awesome and the freshmen make good actors. Yay. Overall, it's been a good day. I just wish someone would be online so I could talk now.

Because I'll forget later...

Found this, figured I might as well fill it out. It wasted some time.

1) Was 2005 a good year for you? It could've been worse.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year? Even though it made me cry, Final Campfire at Timbercrest. Every moment at Timbercrest, really.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? October 25th, between 7pm and midnight.

4) Where were you when 2005 began? At home

5) Who were you with? My family, of course.

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? Probably watching the ball drop and making fun of humanity.

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? My friends, if I have anything to say about it.

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? I don't even know if I made one.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? Nope. I'm tired of resolving not to do anything productive.

10) Did you fall in love in 2005? I could make a cheesy comment about falling in love all over again, but no.

11) If yes, with who? Rick, silly though he is.

12) If yes, do they know? Yep. I tell him all the time.

13) Are you still in love with them? See above.

14) Do you regret it? ...

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? Nope.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? Yes, a few fresh'uns (freshmen for you non-HC people) here at IUP, and some new people at camp.

17) Who are your favorite new friends? The camp people. Fresh'uns are cute but I haven't adopted any yet.

18) What was your favorite month of 2005? August was nice, I guess.

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005? Canada, eh?

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? One.

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? One of the family cats. :(

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? Always.

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? LOTR: Return of The King (because I did just see it this summer).

24) What was your favorite song from 2005? "Today", which is a folk-song-turned-camp-song. <3 camp songs.

25) What was your favorite album from 2005? Nickel Creek - When in Rome.

26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? None.

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? See above.

28) Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2005? If less than a glass of champagne at a wedding counts as a lot. (Was that this year?)

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005? Only Ibuprofen.

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? Actually sleep? My boyfriend. Anything else? Him too. Oh, and then there was the one night I laid in the same bed as Brandon, but we talked all night rather innocently. No sleeping together of any kind.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Getting the foodservice job, and wrecking my car.

32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2005? "It's okay."

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? How do I know if it was a lie?

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? Yes, I did.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? Several somebodies. It's amazing how little respect foodservice workers get.

36) How much money did you spend in 2005? Well, I earned just over $3,000, and most of it's gone now.

37) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? I honestly can't say. Maybe the clinging thing at the bowling alley with Tarah. That was... silly.

38) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change it, what would it be? October 25, and I'd turn the light green.

39) What are your plans for 2006? Survival, with sanity mostly intact, moving out of the dorms, going to study in Mexico.

Foodservice Eats Your Soul.

Last night I was once again stuck in my least favorite spot - behind the register at the Chick-Fil-A in our student food court. It was a slow night and I had too much time to look around and think about things. Across from the food court is a line of windows and booth seats; the windows are the kind of coated glass that you can always see your reflection in, especially when it's dark out. I've never paid them much attention before, because I'm too busy to look straight across five empty tables to stare at a dark window, but for some reason they caught my eye as I was standing behind the counter. I noticed the blinking icicle lights that were hung from the front of the counter, and then I noticed myself in the little picture. The window framed the register area perfectly, with me just to the side. There I stood in my neat grey uniform, black hat, hair in a utilitarian bun. I looked exactly like every other girl who worked register - not exactly in the physical sense, but in the conformity and posture and the way I just fit into the scene like I'd been there forever. From that distance I looked like the perfect generic foodservice worker, and when that image clicked into conscious thought, a little piece of me died.

I never wanted to work in foodservice - I've always said I'd hate it, and I do. Customers are seldom respectful and patient enough, and it seems they come up with new ways to torture the cashiers just for fun. Double orders to remember, huge orders with odd items, orders of just one item that happens to be the one we don't have in the warming trays. And the nugget sauce. We sell chicken nuggets, and stock nugget sauce. It's good stuff. People order it with all kinds of things, but they usually add it as an afterthought - "Oh, can I get some Barbeque Sauce?", after I've rung up their order. And nugget sauce without the nuggets is $.20 extra per packet. I've tried just giving it to them but you can't when the managers are watching, and charging them for it seems stupid, especially when CFA's policy regarding customers is: "Keep them happy no matter what." We're even supposed to take multiple or expired coupons if the customer wants us to, and reply to requests or thank-yous with "My Pleasure!" *shudder* I tried it once and couldn't hold back a giggle. Anyway, I'm stuck at the despised place until the end of the semester, when I'm officially quitting and hoping for more hours at the library to pay for my Ultima Online subscription (and food, clothing, my Christmas credit card bill...). I need to find an off-campus job, if I can get one that's flexible enough for student workers and pays me to do something I can stand, like office work.

I get to stay up late tonight, again. Here at the library (where I should be doing my homework, but have found ways to procrastinate thanks to the ready supply of laptops and wireless service) until 2:15, then home to crash. I'm running on about 4 hours of sleep and it doesn't feel as bad as it should. I think the tea this morning (Celestial Seasonings' "Morning Thunder") helped. Yay for caffeine in small doses. Sleep is for the tenured professors. I like my awake time, really.....z.zz.zzzzzzzz....

My Research Writing professor couldn't have given me a worse time to write this paper. She told us about it on Tuesday (and although I could have found out by reading the syllabus on Monday, who reads syllabi?). It's due this afternoon. I worked on it Tuesday evening at work, Wednesday evening I was at class/work and couldn't do anything because it's halfway typed. Today I have class again - including a map quiz that I didn't get the map for because I was trying to make up for lost time in art by staying to get the materials for our next project - and a two hour break between them to finish this paper in. I also have to start working on a revision of my Spanish paper for Friday, but I can't even start that until I get the RW paper done, because it's due first and I can't possibly find more time for paper-writing right now.

Last night I jokingly asked if I could kill myself at the end of the semester and got two nice hugs for it. Maybe I'll do that more often... except it'd probably scare people. Oh well.

Bright light. Ow. My roommate, who I bitch about sometimes, was considerate enough to lend me her desk lamp so when I got back from work at 2am I could work on the paper without waking her up. Mom, add 'desk lamp' to my Christmas list. And get a good one this time... if you get it from Wal-Mart I shall smite you. With the lamp.

Sleep is a nice thing. Two hours of it is not. I need caffeine.