I know on some level that hatred is a pretty useless emotion, and I know that I have a lot of things to improve in my own life before I go nitpicking at someone else's decisions, and I know that Jesus said "love they neighbor" and "turn the other cheek"... but I still hate everyone who was involved in the current auto company "situation", alongside the others I've come to blame for our current economy and the slow loss of our rights and our dreams. It's hard not to, when every day is news like this:
Chrysler isn't paying back its initial bailout loans, and the Treasury Dept. is sitting back and saying (And I quote): "While we do not expect a recovery of these funds, we are comfortable that in the totality of the arrangement, the Treasury and the American taxpayer are being fairly compensated". Canada isn't even getting their money back. How's that for foreign policy?
Uh...
WHAT?
I'm sorry, but the auto industry shouldn't have had any bailouts at all. Screw the unions, screw the workers, screw everyone who has struggled to keep the "Big 3" from biting the dust a decade ago. It was their idiocy and their greed that got them to this point and I see no reason I nor anyone else uninvolved in this circus should pay for their mistakes. Let the employees bail out the company if they love it so much and want it to survive. Let all the people who are screaming about supporting AMERICA! (when these companies have as much overseas business, if not more, as they do here, and Honda is manufacturing cars almost wholly in the US now) go ahead and whip another few billion out of their pockets. Otherwise, let them all fall and let them all suffer, because if I'm going to have to default on my paltry $40k in loans due to the economic "downturn" and I'm going to get chased down for every damn cent, the jackasses in charge of Chrysler, AIG, General Motors, Ford, and Fannie/Freddie had better be suffering the same fate for every cent of taxpayer "loan" they can't repay plus interest.
I am one of probably millions of people who are struggling to pay the bills every month. I fulfilled my education with a promise from Them (businesses, my school, the government which loaned me the cost of my tuition, my mother, and many of my classmates, teachers, and friends) that I should and would be able to pay it back, if not make piles of money, upon leaving school. Maybe I should've seen it coming 5 years ago when I applied to these colleges; maybe it's my fault that I got so deep into debt just as the economy tanked, for the sake of a bit of paper that says I dealt with 4 more years of academic bullshit. But I'm still bitter that everyone else was parading around with their heads up their collective asses, pretending that everything was still fine, and letting thousands of students and young families work their way into debt with cars and mortgages and high-cost colleges, thinking that we'd all be able to pay it off soon, and taking our credit cards and offering us MORE, because hey, why worry about credit risks?
I like to be responsible for myself. I like the idea that I could be self-reliant, and not have to depend on loan forgiveness. I want to be honorable and pay back every cent I borrowed, although I'd skip on the interest if AES would let me. But when every large company I can name is getting bailouts left and right from the government for making a mistake big enough to bring down the entire economy when they actually fall (and fall they should, and would if we didn't stop handing them crutches), I have to wonder: Where's my bailout?
And if I don't get any help, I who am supposedly the spirit of our great nation, a well-educated young woman looking to better the world around me, willing to work, eager to help, and proud of my freedoms... what does that say about how much They value people like me?
I wanted to own land some day. I wanted an actual garden, not a bunch of wilted plants in containers on a second-story porch. I wanted to be able to put a little bit into savings, to own more than a ten-year-old bicycle and a couple of books, to have an apple orchard and a horse and a house that I helped build. So you'll excuse me if I'm a little bitter when I've ended up working 20 hours a week from a badly insulated apartment, trying to find a place we can afford to live this fall, and struggling to keep our services turned on, pay the rent, and avoid the creditors all at once, while Chrysler is taking part of my paycheck to cover its ass without so much as a thank-you. So I hate them, furiously and helplessly. And by hate, I mean I have wished upon them various and terrible things, but mostly that they all suffer at the hands of a market that won't take them back when they lose their jobs and their houses and their company cars, and that they end up in a squallid concrete-block basement apartment somewhere in Detroit, and have to live with the fact that they put themselves (and the rest of us) there, and that they won't be eligible for help. I admit I want them to die unhappy, and I ought to feel bad for that, but right now I can't say I feel anything more than a bitter satisfaction at the prospect. Misery loves company, and I'm pretty damn miserable right now.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The Cat Who Made Trouble*
Hear and attend and listen, O Best Beloved, and I shall tell you a story about another Cat, only this one was not so wild and wily as the first, but in spite of that he made a great deal more trouble for his People. He was a shadowy stripey little cat with a round little belly that he was quite proud of, and little grey pit-pat paws with claws in them ever so sharp, and a wild and waving tail which appeared to be quite all that was left of his ancestor from the wild woods. We shall call the man who fed him Man, and we shall call the woman who petted him Woman, and do not believe that they did not have names, Best Beloved, but it is only that the Cat, who was not so wild and wily but awfully stripey and shadowy and round about his furry little tummy, did not particularly care what their names were, so long as he was fed and petted. And they all lived together in a small 'partment, which was rather like a house only colder and more cramped.
The Cat, for he was a true cat, took it upon himself to make Trouble occasionally, to remind Man and Woman that he was still a Cat That Walked By Himself, and 'specially that all places were alike to him, including the table and the countertops and the birdcage and the desks and that warm spot on top of the kitchen cabinets, and as I am sure you can guess, O Best Beloved, that vexed the Woman and the Man terribly. For he was also a Cat of 'satiable curiosity (rather like the Elephant's Child) and he asked ever so many questions, one of which was: "Can I go there?", which he asked with his little pit-pat paws and a trilling meow like a little babbling brook and to which the answer was usually "No", and another which was "Will you feed me now?", which he said in his loudest and most protesting meow. Man and Woman did not speak Cat, of course, for this was no longer the time when animals and people all speak alike and when everyone could understand each other. But they knew what he meant, all the same, and he knew that they knew, and if they did not get up and feed him when he asked, he would get out his 'satiable curiosity and go wandering and waving his wild tail in the 'partment till he found a suitable place to make Trouble by getting into Things (which means, Best Beloved, that he would poke his little pit-pat paws where they weren't supposed to be, and make messes, and ask ever so many questions), and there he would go - up on the table or the desks or the bed where Man and Woman slept and snorted and snored and he would ready his little grey pit-pat paws. He left his claws retracted, Best Beloved, because he knew better than to claw up the furniture or the People. THAT would have gotten him put out on his wild waving tail, and no more food! And when he had ready his little grey paws and had sat on Man's chest and had purred in Woman's ear, for those were ways he had of getting them out of bed, then he would tap-tap-tap just so with one paw on Woman's face, and meow in his loud and protesting meow: "Will you feed me now?". And Man would roll over and Woman would pull the covers over her ears and they would both go back to sleep, and the Cat would go to find another place to make Trouble, waving his wild tail and complaining about his empty dish.
Then he would get up - on the desk or the dresser or the counter, where there were many nice Things that the Man and Woman had gotten, and he would plan and plot and ready his little pit-pat paws. And when they were ready he would tap-tap-tap just so on the boxes or candles or papers and they would fall to the floor just so: THUD! CRASH! And Man would wave a newspaper at him, and Woman would snap her fingers and say "DOWN" in her most you're-in-trouble voice that she saved all tucked in her throat for really serious occasions. And when the Cat had listened (for if he did not listen he would be out on his wild waving tail, and no more food!) the Woman would clean up the mess and go back to her work and the Man would go back to his reading because the Cat had only just been fed and they didn't see why he should be hungry, but the Cat would find another place to make Trouble all the same. It mattered less to him when he had been fed, only his bowl was empty, that was the main thing. So you see, Best Beloved, why Man and Woman would be vexed, at all the Trouble the Cat made for wanting food. But that is what Cats do, and they do it well.
Often when the Cat made Trouble Man would say to Woman, "Did you feed him today?", and Woman would say to Man "How many times has he eaten?", and the Cat would say "It doesn't matter, my bowl is empty. How am I to stay shadowy and stripey and ever so round about the tummy if there isn't any food?" And they would sigh and shake their heads at him and say "It would do you good to lose some weight anyway!" but they didn't really mean it, because they liked his little round tummy. So the Man and the Woman made a deal with the Cat, which was this: He would have to be good and be quiet and leave them to sleep when they liked, else they would be awfully cranky and yell more than usual at the Cat, and throw things as First Man threatened to do. And they, seeing that he was good and quiet and had left them to sleep, would feed him and pet him when he wanted. So the Cat would be quiet for a while, but when he had had enough of being quiet and good, and it was nearly time for Woman to wake up, and his bowl was not yet filled, he would go and threaten to make Trouble again and wake her up anyway, and vex her terribly and she would be cranky. And someone would feed him eventually, for that is what People who care about their Cats do, when the bowl is empty and it's been hours since lunchtime, but the Cat still made Trouble, for that is what Cats do to remind us they are Cats That Walk By Themselves, and that all places are alike to them - 'specially the ones we don't like them being in.
*Can you tell what I've been reading lately?
Author's Note: Yes, the Cat did wake me up in the middle of a nap by getting into Things (by which I mean knocking them all onto the floor) on my desk again.
The Cat, for he was a true cat, took it upon himself to make Trouble occasionally, to remind Man and Woman that he was still a Cat That Walked By Himself, and 'specially that all places were alike to him, including the table and the countertops and the birdcage and the desks and that warm spot on top of the kitchen cabinets, and as I am sure you can guess, O Best Beloved, that vexed the Woman and the Man terribly. For he was also a Cat of 'satiable curiosity (rather like the Elephant's Child) and he asked ever so many questions, one of which was: "Can I go there?", which he asked with his little pit-pat paws and a trilling meow like a little babbling brook and to which the answer was usually "No", and another which was "Will you feed me now?", which he said in his loudest and most protesting meow. Man and Woman did not speak Cat, of course, for this was no longer the time when animals and people all speak alike and when everyone could understand each other. But they knew what he meant, all the same, and he knew that they knew, and if they did not get up and feed him when he asked, he would get out his 'satiable curiosity and go wandering and waving his wild tail in the 'partment till he found a suitable place to make Trouble by getting into Things (which means, Best Beloved, that he would poke his little pit-pat paws where they weren't supposed to be, and make messes, and ask ever so many questions), and there he would go - up on the table or the desks or the bed where Man and Woman slept and snorted and snored and he would ready his little grey pit-pat paws. He left his claws retracted, Best Beloved, because he knew better than to claw up the furniture or the People. THAT would have gotten him put out on his wild waving tail, and no more food! And when he had ready his little grey paws and had sat on Man's chest and had purred in Woman's ear, for those were ways he had of getting them out of bed, then he would tap-tap-tap just so with one paw on Woman's face, and meow in his loud and protesting meow: "Will you feed me now?". And Man would roll over and Woman would pull the covers over her ears and they would both go back to sleep, and the Cat would go to find another place to make Trouble, waving his wild tail and complaining about his empty dish.
Then he would get up - on the desk or the dresser or the counter, where there were many nice Things that the Man and Woman had gotten, and he would plan and plot and ready his little pit-pat paws. And when they were ready he would tap-tap-tap just so on the boxes or candles or papers and they would fall to the floor just so: THUD! CRASH! And Man would wave a newspaper at him, and Woman would snap her fingers and say "DOWN" in her most you're-in-trouble voice that she saved all tucked in her throat for really serious occasions. And when the Cat had listened (for if he did not listen he would be out on his wild waving tail, and no more food!) the Woman would clean up the mess and go back to her work and the Man would go back to his reading because the Cat had only just been fed and they didn't see why he should be hungry, but the Cat would find another place to make Trouble all the same. It mattered less to him when he had been fed, only his bowl was empty, that was the main thing. So you see, Best Beloved, why Man and Woman would be vexed, at all the Trouble the Cat made for wanting food. But that is what Cats do, and they do it well.
Often when the Cat made Trouble Man would say to Woman, "Did you feed him today?", and Woman would say to Man "How many times has he eaten?", and the Cat would say "It doesn't matter, my bowl is empty. How am I to stay shadowy and stripey and ever so round about the tummy if there isn't any food?" And they would sigh and shake their heads at him and say "It would do you good to lose some weight anyway!" but they didn't really mean it, because they liked his little round tummy. So the Man and the Woman made a deal with the Cat, which was this: He would have to be good and be quiet and leave them to sleep when they liked, else they would be awfully cranky and yell more than usual at the Cat, and throw things as First Man threatened to do. And they, seeing that he was good and quiet and had left them to sleep, would feed him and pet him when he wanted. So the Cat would be quiet for a while, but when he had had enough of being quiet and good, and it was nearly time for Woman to wake up, and his bowl was not yet filled, he would go and threaten to make Trouble again and wake her up anyway, and vex her terribly and she would be cranky. And someone would feed him eventually, for that is what People who care about their Cats do, when the bowl is empty and it's been hours since lunchtime, but the Cat still made Trouble, for that is what Cats do to remind us they are Cats That Walk By Themselves, and that all places are alike to them - 'specially the ones we don't like them being in.
*Can you tell what I've been reading lately?
Author's Note: Yes, the Cat did wake me up in the middle of a nap by getting into Things (by which I mean knocking them all onto the floor) on my desk again.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Here goes nothing.
Added a "Donate" button. As soon as I find a better, fee-free way to give me money I'll put that up as well. Obviously checks or money orders work, if you know my address.
Putting this button up is an acknowledgment that we just aren't going to make it on our own. My debt could have bought me a small house already, and it will take a lot of work to get free of it. I'm not begging, and if I had anything to give back other than words of gratitude, I'd offer it. As it stands we are struggling with a lot of things including some very uncharitable neighbors, and I thought maybe seeing a few cents trickle in here and there would help me keep my head up and my eyes forward.
Here's hoping all of us can keep working toward the future.
Putting this button up is an acknowledgment that we just aren't going to make it on our own. My debt could have bought me a small house already, and it will take a lot of work to get free of it. I'm not begging, and if I had anything to give back other than words of gratitude, I'd offer it. As it stands we are struggling with a lot of things including some very uncharitable neighbors, and I thought maybe seeing a few cents trickle in here and there would help me keep my head up and my eyes forward.
Here's hoping all of us can keep working toward the future.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Look out, World!
Apparently knowledge beyond how to use a current M$ desktop environment is dangerous these days. At least, if you're a college student in Boston. I'd pray that the ignorance shown by this group of uniformed thugs doesn't extend to other areas, but previous anecdotes from friends and associates online have proven the point already. Watch who you brag about your new Linux box to...
Also, for those of you who use Blogger, you'll notice a new little tab/link named "Monetize" has gone up! I haven't logged in for a few weeks so this may be old news, but I'm mildly amused by the sales pitch going on here. Google gets a fair share of revenue from its advertising partners, I assume, and it's only natural to want to enhance their chances of getting even more exposure (and entice the good users of Google's fine products to make a few cents on the side), but why would I ruin my layout with ads whose content I can't control, and bother my few loyal readers with stuff they don't need? If I want to make money via my blog, I'll put up an unobtrusive "Donate" button like so many other people do. Heck, I might even use Google Checkout to do it.
Also, for those of you who use Blogger, you'll notice a new little tab/link named "Monetize" has gone up! I haven't logged in for a few weeks so this may be old news, but I'm mildly amused by the sales pitch going on here. Google gets a fair share of revenue from its advertising partners, I assume, and it's only natural to want to enhance their chances of getting even more exposure (and entice the good users of Google's fine products to make a few cents on the side), but why would I ruin my layout with ads whose content I can't control, and bother my few loyal readers with stuff they don't need? If I want to make money via my blog, I'll put up an unobtrusive "Donate" button like so many other people do. Heck, I might even use Google Checkout to do it.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Look what I made!
My latest swashbuckling kitchen adventure involved the ever-fascinating rising yeast and its companions, the sweet but sneaky cane sugar and the strange beast called flour! Pounding the combination into the table and heating it yielded some fantastic results, and this pirate came away with booty to share! Behold - the taming of the baking ingredients!
It's delicious, too. Not whole wheat, as we didn't have whole wheat flour, but for bleached flour it turned out well enough. The crust is deliciously crispy and the inside is soft and light and chewy. I did an egg wash over the tops, as suggested by a friend online, and the tops turned a gorgeous shiny golden brown. One loaf suffered some mild discoloration where it came into contact with a rust spot on my cheap bread pan (sadly, I only have one good glass one) but having spots in no way diminishes its edibility.
So far I've done bread and butter as a late-night snack (I started baking late, and the loaves came out rather close to midnight, but I couldn't resist cutting off the end and crunching happily through it), thick-sliced toast in the morning with jam, and another slice for dinner with turkey and mashed taters 'n onions. I suspect both loaves will be gone by Friday, but that just gives me an excuse to get some real whole wheat flour and do it again! Thanks for the recipe, dad. ^_^
It's delicious, too. Not whole wheat, as we didn't have whole wheat flour, but for bleached flour it turned out well enough. The crust is deliciously crispy and the inside is soft and light and chewy. I did an egg wash over the tops, as suggested by a friend online, and the tops turned a gorgeous shiny golden brown. One loaf suffered some mild discoloration where it came into contact with a rust spot on my cheap bread pan (sadly, I only have one good glass one) but having spots in no way diminishes its edibility.
So far I've done bread and butter as a late-night snack (I started baking late, and the loaves came out rather close to midnight, but I couldn't resist cutting off the end and crunching happily through it), thick-sliced toast in the morning with jam, and another slice for dinner with turkey and mashed taters 'n onions. I suspect both loaves will be gone by Friday, but that just gives me an excuse to get some real whole wheat flour and do it again! Thanks for the recipe, dad. ^_^
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Help the Homeless
Just found this site and thought it was interesting. Some people see it as abusive or exploitation, but my honest opinion of any site that helps people get off the streets and makes sure they stay that way is a great thing, no matter what you call it. They've raised quite a bit of money so far and have put one man through a full detox and job training, and are on the road to helping two more, with plans to expand the program to multiple cities. Think it's worth it to Pimp This Bum?
In other news, I've been caught in the crossfire between parent and school on one of my cases. The school wants to kick me out entirely, and the mother wants me to stay there and is fighting tooth and nail with the school to keep me there. I'm with the mother - the school says they're overstaffed with me there and that they have complete control over what's going on and don't need me, despite the fact that they're not doing for the child what they say they are (and what they should be) even after 7 months of fighting with them over sensory breaks, PECS interventions and IEP goals.
My supervisor tells me this school is the worst in the district and I believe her; I'd never send my child there after having seen how they work. The worst part is that they're so passive-aggressive about it; they tell me nothing and ask me nothing directly, and then send letters to the insurance rep stating that the child "seems irritable" around me on top of me being a third wheel in the classroom. It's not that it's personal; any TSS would be a thorn in their side... but now that they've opened up this can of worms, I'm going to take great pride in watching this child's mother remove him to another school next year... because I don't mind having to move to a new client if my hours get dropped, but I worry about the child and how much he's being ignored in that classroom. No kid deserves to be the victim of a school system that thinks it's too good for advice from outside.
In other news, I've been caught in the crossfire between parent and school on one of my cases. The school wants to kick me out entirely, and the mother wants me to stay there and is fighting tooth and nail with the school to keep me there. I'm with the mother - the school says they're overstaffed with me there and that they have complete control over what's going on and don't need me, despite the fact that they're not doing for the child what they say they are (and what they should be) even after 7 months of fighting with them over sensory breaks, PECS interventions and IEP goals.
My supervisor tells me this school is the worst in the district and I believe her; I'd never send my child there after having seen how they work. The worst part is that they're so passive-aggressive about it; they tell me nothing and ask me nothing directly, and then send letters to the insurance rep stating that the child "seems irritable" around me on top of me being a third wheel in the classroom. It's not that it's personal; any TSS would be a thorn in their side... but now that they've opened up this can of worms, I'm going to take great pride in watching this child's mother remove him to another school next year... because I don't mind having to move to a new client if my hours get dropped, but I worry about the child and how much he's being ignored in that classroom. No kid deserves to be the victim of a school system that thinks it's too good for advice from outside.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Procrastination Station - The train will leave.... eventually!
I'm rather frustrated with myself today.
I hate paperwork. This is no surprise, really. I've never liked bureaucratic measures of self-reflection and my progress notes are as bad as they come. As much as I understand the need to keep records of such things as a child's progress within the system, it's painful to be spending 3-6 hours per week of my unpaid at-home time doing so, especially with my habits of procrastination.
Take today, for example. I tried staying up late last night, thinking that numbing myself into brain-deadness with lack of sleep would help, but all it did was make me less able to focus, and I've been having tons of trouble focusing on anything already these last few weeks.
Then I tried getting up really early after very little sleep in an attempt to just force it all to be done before the deadline (which was this morning), but I felt like I was coming down with the flu this morning, slept 2 hours past my alarm, and dragged myself up at 5:30 only to get a text message from my client's mother telling me he's still sick and won't be in school. I tried to shrug that off and finish the paperwork anyway, but having been let off the hook for the entire day, I gave up after two attempts at sitting down and crawled miserably back into bed where I've been all morning.
This afternoon I tried again. I really did. I cleared off my desk yesterday so my paperwork is all on there nice and neat and surrounded by clean desk instead of piles of distractions. My computer is still in need of repairs so I don't have to worry about sitting there and staring at that little Firefox logo on the screen. I put my iPod on random and turned it to the perfect background noise volume to drown out Rick's little snores (because he worked 2pm-7am) and made sure I was warm enough and had food and tea.
And then I sat there, finished calculating my hours on my timesheet, put a header on a progress note and stared at the black LCD on my desk and wondered whether I should go get a cloth with water or alcohol to clean off the fingerprints on it, and decided to come over to the living room to blog about it.
It's not that I have no willpower. I managed to get the dishes done yesterday, did the laundry, cleaned the litterbox, and spent about two hours on and off cleaning my desk and filing the resulting piles of paperwork, as unpleasant as that was (some of it had been there since March of last year, when I had my little upheaval and gave up on everything), but I only wrote out two notes (that's about 7 minutes of work) all day, despite not having anything else to do because my client that afternoon called off too. It's just that when it comes to this damned paperwork, it gets harder and harder to force myself to do it every week to the point that I find myself actively searching for other things to keep me busy just so that I have an excuse for not doing it. It's not hard, per se, and it only takes about 15 minutes per sheet, but I just can't sit down and do even one sheet at a time, even with taking breaks or rewarding myself (rewards are their own problem because all I want is to get away from the paperwork. Food doesn't help, media is too distracting, craft projects are hard to put down halfway through to go back to work).
I know I should just sit myself down and DO IT, but my frustration level is getting really high just thinking about it. I suppose I should at least try, before I end up doing it tomorrow morning at 4am.
Augh.
I hate paperwork. This is no surprise, really. I've never liked bureaucratic measures of self-reflection and my progress notes are as bad as they come. As much as I understand the need to keep records of such things as a child's progress within the system, it's painful to be spending 3-6 hours per week of my unpaid at-home time doing so, especially with my habits of procrastination.
Take today, for example. I tried staying up late last night, thinking that numbing myself into brain-deadness with lack of sleep would help, but all it did was make me less able to focus, and I've been having tons of trouble focusing on anything already these last few weeks.
Then I tried getting up really early after very little sleep in an attempt to just force it all to be done before the deadline (which was this morning), but I felt like I was coming down with the flu this morning, slept 2 hours past my alarm, and dragged myself up at 5:30 only to get a text message from my client's mother telling me he's still sick and won't be in school. I tried to shrug that off and finish the paperwork anyway, but having been let off the hook for the entire day, I gave up after two attempts at sitting down and crawled miserably back into bed where I've been all morning.
This afternoon I tried again. I really did. I cleared off my desk yesterday so my paperwork is all on there nice and neat and surrounded by clean desk instead of piles of distractions. My computer is still in need of repairs so I don't have to worry about sitting there and staring at that little Firefox logo on the screen. I put my iPod on random and turned it to the perfect background noise volume to drown out Rick's little snores (because he worked 2pm-7am) and made sure I was warm enough and had food and tea.
And then I sat there, finished calculating my hours on my timesheet, put a header on a progress note and stared at the black LCD on my desk and wondered whether I should go get a cloth with water or alcohol to clean off the fingerprints on it, and decided to come over to the living room to blog about it.
It's not that I have no willpower. I managed to get the dishes done yesterday, did the laundry, cleaned the litterbox, and spent about two hours on and off cleaning my desk and filing the resulting piles of paperwork, as unpleasant as that was (some of it had been there since March of last year, when I had my little upheaval and gave up on everything), but I only wrote out two notes (that's about 7 minutes of work) all day, despite not having anything else to do because my client that afternoon called off too. It's just that when it comes to this damned paperwork, it gets harder and harder to force myself to do it every week to the point that I find myself actively searching for other things to keep me busy just so that I have an excuse for not doing it. It's not hard, per se, and it only takes about 15 minutes per sheet, but I just can't sit down and do even one sheet at a time, even with taking breaks or rewarding myself (rewards are their own problem because all I want is to get away from the paperwork. Food doesn't help, media is too distracting, craft projects are hard to put down halfway through to go back to work).
I know I should just sit myself down and DO IT, but my frustration level is getting really high just thinking about it. I suppose I should at least try, before I end up doing it tomorrow morning at 4am.
Augh.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
What's Cookin'
We're not exactly rolling in money especially since my student loans came due, but thanks to Uncle Sam we were eating enough, most of the time. My biggest struggle has been finding food that is quick and easy to make, but keeps well because I have 3 days a week where I'm home for 10 minutes in the afternoon after a 6 hour day at school, and want to eat before I run back out the door for another 3-4 hours. Usually this results in Ramen being used as a stopgap meal till I can get home for a proper dinner. Well, today I found out that we've lost our gov't subsidized meals (aw, shucks) and I finally got fed up... and made enough to feed both of us all week!
We had a ~20lb turkey sitting in the fridge thawing all last week, waiting for a roaster pan (and waiting for me, apparently, because Rick isn't a turkey fan and wanted suggestions). We don't have a roaster pan and our largest baking dish is too small for a large turkey. What to do?
What I did was get up enough motivation to play butcher, which was both amusing and educational (ever had to find a turkey's shoulder joint and cut through the ligaments to separate it?). We thankfully have the right kitchen knives for this task, and none of the blood spilled all over the table was mine (for once - remember kids: always cut away from yourself when using a sharp knife!). In the end, the carnage was complete - the turkey's chest cavity was halved and re-stacked with potatoes and carrots and green onion inside and around him in our little baking pan, and he was buttered up and tucked in the oven (it's going on 4.5 hours now - he's almost done and juicy as can be!). Drumsticks (both thighs and shoulders) were ziploc'd and re-frozen for later meals. The wings, the neck, and all the innards were dropped in the crock pot with another potato and carrot, some water, seasonings and about a cup of black bean broth from the beans I'd been simmering all morning in a fruitless attempt to soften them (the few beans that made it into the crock pot with the broth did soften up, so there's hope for the rest!).
When I came back from 2 hours at work, the house smelled like heaven. Now I've got several servings of crock-pot stew to freeze for later, and another couple servings of turkey and veggies to serve over rice or with biscuits and turkey gravy from the pan, or what-have-you, and I'm more pleased than the cat who ate the canary.
I guess there's really something to say for this buying and cooking in bulk thing (although the turkey was a Christmas gift from Rick's company, so it was technically free). I used:
2 old potatoes
2 old carrots
a handful of old green onions (peeled and diced, threw out the wilted tops)
Spices (pepper, salt, paprika, onion powder, oregano on the baked turkey and sage and a bay leaf in the crock pot)
A free christmas turkey
...and I got enough to feed our family of 2 for at least a week's worth of lunches and dinners, with a little more left over (still 1 carrot and 2 potatoes left - thinking of stuff'd baked potatoes later this week).
Rick's been experimenting with bannock, too, which is a terribly heavy flatbread and so quick and cheap to make that we'll eat well even without any money for food... which is good, because while we're making too much money for assistance programs, we're still not sure where our food money is going to come from. But hey - as long as we can make do with homemade bread, rice, black beans, and the leftovers from our turkey, we'll eat for another month, and probably much healthier than the neighbors!
We had a ~20lb turkey sitting in the fridge thawing all last week, waiting for a roaster pan (and waiting for me, apparently, because Rick isn't a turkey fan and wanted suggestions). We don't have a roaster pan and our largest baking dish is too small for a large turkey. What to do?
What I did was get up enough motivation to play butcher, which was both amusing and educational (ever had to find a turkey's shoulder joint and cut through the ligaments to separate it?). We thankfully have the right kitchen knives for this task, and none of the blood spilled all over the table was mine (for once - remember kids: always cut away from yourself when using a sharp knife!). In the end, the carnage was complete - the turkey's chest cavity was halved and re-stacked with potatoes and carrots and green onion inside and around him in our little baking pan, and he was buttered up and tucked in the oven (it's going on 4.5 hours now - he's almost done and juicy as can be!). Drumsticks (both thighs and shoulders) were ziploc'd and re-frozen for later meals. The wings, the neck, and all the innards were dropped in the crock pot with another potato and carrot, some water, seasonings and about a cup of black bean broth from the beans I'd been simmering all morning in a fruitless attempt to soften them (the few beans that made it into the crock pot with the broth did soften up, so there's hope for the rest!).
When I came back from 2 hours at work, the house smelled like heaven. Now I've got several servings of crock-pot stew to freeze for later, and another couple servings of turkey and veggies to serve over rice or with biscuits and turkey gravy from the pan, or what-have-you, and I'm more pleased than the cat who ate the canary.
I guess there's really something to say for this buying and cooking in bulk thing (although the turkey was a Christmas gift from Rick's company, so it was technically free). I used:
2 old potatoes
2 old carrots
a handful of old green onions (peeled and diced, threw out the wilted tops)
Spices (pepper, salt, paprika, onion powder, oregano on the baked turkey and sage and a bay leaf in the crock pot)
A free christmas turkey
...and I got enough to feed our family of 2 for at least a week's worth of lunches and dinners, with a little more left over (still 1 carrot and 2 potatoes left - thinking of stuff'd baked potatoes later this week).
Rick's been experimenting with bannock, too, which is a terribly heavy flatbread and so quick and cheap to make that we'll eat well even without any money for food... which is good, because while we're making too much money for assistance programs, we're still not sure where our food money is going to come from. But hey - as long as we can make do with homemade bread, rice, black beans, and the leftovers from our turkey, we'll eat for another month, and probably much healthier than the neighbors!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Eureka!
While link-surfing tonight and educating myself on the psychological signs and effects of panic, I stumbled upon a treasure trove of interesting stuff; if I wanted to I could be up all night reading, and pondering, and researching just for kicks.
Three articles on Gladwell.com (by Malcom Gladwell, journalist and author of "Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking - a 2005 NYT Bestseller which I sadly haven't read) caught my eye tonight, all along the same lines - success; notably, how to predict it. Most Likely to Succeed, Late Bloomers, and The Uses of Adversity are all fascinating looks into what makes success, and why our methods for picking out potentially successful people may not always work - especially in certain fields. Teaching is apparently one of those (who'd have guessed? *cough*).
Late Bloomers thoroughly explores the stereotype that genius is destined to be recognized in youth, with examples like Robert Frost, who published nearly half his great works after the age of 40... and compares the kind of slow, perfectionist, directionless learning practiced by older "masters" of an art with the fast-paced, goal-oriented, immediate results of young genius. I place myself firmly in the former category both with relief and regret - I have always felt like I wasn't living up to my potential and wondered if I could have been a smashing success by now, but it feels good to know that I might still have time to work out the kinks in my presentation.
Adversity ties nicely in with that theory of late blooming, telling us that sometimes, it takes an outsider to scramble one's way up to the top and stay there, as opposed to the well-cushioned, well-bred and well-intentioned Yale grads who make it there and then fall off the pinnacle, much to the surprise of those around them.
And I'll leave you with a few quotes from Most Likely to Succeed, because Mr. Gladwell sums it up in a better manner than I can, even if he is verbose about it:
"Eric Hanushek, an economist at Stanford, estimates that the students of a very bad teacher will learn, on average, half a year's worth of material in one school year. The students in the class of a very good teacher will learn a year and a half's worth of material. That difference amounts to a year's worth of learning in a single year.
...many reformers have come to the conclusion that nothing matters more than finding people with the potential to be great teachers. But there's a hitch: no one knows what a person with the potential to be a great teacher looks like.
...Educational-reform efforts typically start with a push for higher standards for teachers—that is, for the academic and cognitive requirements for entering the profession to be as stiff as possible.
... A group of researchers—Thomas J. Kane, an economist at Harvard's school of education; Douglas Staiger, an economist at Dartmouth; and Robert Gordon, a policy analyst at the Center for American Progress—have investigated whether it helps to have a teacher who has earned a teaching certification or a master's degree. Both are expensive, time-consuming credentials that almost every district expects teachers to acquire; neither makes a difference in the classroom."
...Perhaps no profession has taken the implications of the quarterback problem more seriously than the financial-advice field, and the experience of financial advisers is a useful guide to what could happen in teaching as well. There are no formal qualifications for entering the field except a college degree. Financial-services firms don't look for only the best students, or require graduate degrees or specify a list of prerequisites. No one knows beforehand what makes a high-performing financial adviser different from a low-performing one...
...Ed Deutschlander, the co-president of North Star Resource Group, in Minneapolis, says that last year his firm interviewed about a thousand people, and found forty-nine it liked, a ratio of twenty interviewees to one candidate.
...Deutschlander interviews a thousand people to find ten advisers. He spends large amounts of money to figure out who has the particular mixture of abilities to do the job. "Between hard and soft costs," he says, "most firms sink between a hundred thousand dollars and two hundred and fifty thousand dollars on someone in their first three or four years," and in most cases, of course, that investment comes to naught. But, if you were willing to make that kind of investment and show that kind of patience, you wound up with a truly high-performing financial adviser.
...What does it say about a society that it devotes more care and patience to the selection of those who handle its money than of those who handle its children?"
If you have the time, I suggest reading all 3 articles in their entirety - I'm going back for more.
Three articles on Gladwell.com (by Malcom Gladwell, journalist and author of "Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking - a 2005 NYT Bestseller which I sadly haven't read) caught my eye tonight, all along the same lines - success; notably, how to predict it. Most Likely to Succeed, Late Bloomers, and The Uses of Adversity are all fascinating looks into what makes success, and why our methods for picking out potentially successful people may not always work - especially in certain fields. Teaching is apparently one of those (who'd have guessed? *cough*).
Late Bloomers thoroughly explores the stereotype that genius is destined to be recognized in youth, with examples like Robert Frost, who published nearly half his great works after the age of 40... and compares the kind of slow, perfectionist, directionless learning practiced by older "masters" of an art with the fast-paced, goal-oriented, immediate results of young genius. I place myself firmly in the former category both with relief and regret - I have always felt like I wasn't living up to my potential and wondered if I could have been a smashing success by now, but it feels good to know that I might still have time to work out the kinks in my presentation.
Adversity ties nicely in with that theory of late blooming, telling us that sometimes, it takes an outsider to scramble one's way up to the top and stay there, as opposed to the well-cushioned, well-bred and well-intentioned Yale grads who make it there and then fall off the pinnacle, much to the surprise of those around them.
And I'll leave you with a few quotes from Most Likely to Succeed, because Mr. Gladwell sums it up in a better manner than I can, even if he is verbose about it:
"Eric Hanushek, an economist at Stanford, estimates that the students of a very bad teacher will learn, on average, half a year's worth of material in one school year. The students in the class of a very good teacher will learn a year and a half's worth of material. That difference amounts to a year's worth of learning in a single year.
...many reformers have come to the conclusion that nothing matters more than finding people with the potential to be great teachers. But there's a hitch: no one knows what a person with the potential to be a great teacher looks like.
...Educational-reform efforts typically start with a push for higher standards for teachers—that is, for the academic and cognitive requirements for entering the profession to be as stiff as possible.
... A group of researchers—Thomas J. Kane, an economist at Harvard's school of education; Douglas Staiger, an economist at Dartmouth; and Robert Gordon, a policy analyst at the Center for American Progress—have investigated whether it helps to have a teacher who has earned a teaching certification or a master's degree. Both are expensive, time-consuming credentials that almost every district expects teachers to acquire; neither makes a difference in the classroom."
...Perhaps no profession has taken the implications of the quarterback problem more seriously than the financial-advice field, and the experience of financial advisers is a useful guide to what could happen in teaching as well. There are no formal qualifications for entering the field except a college degree. Financial-services firms don't look for only the best students, or require graduate degrees or specify a list of prerequisites. No one knows beforehand what makes a high-performing financial adviser different from a low-performing one...
...Ed Deutschlander, the co-president of North Star Resource Group, in Minneapolis, says that last year his firm interviewed about a thousand people, and found forty-nine it liked, a ratio of twenty interviewees to one candidate.
...Deutschlander interviews a thousand people to find ten advisers. He spends large amounts of money to figure out who has the particular mixture of abilities to do the job. "Between hard and soft costs," he says, "most firms sink between a hundred thousand dollars and two hundred and fifty thousand dollars on someone in their first three or four years," and in most cases, of course, that investment comes to naught. But, if you were willing to make that kind of investment and show that kind of patience, you wound up with a truly high-performing financial adviser.
...What does it say about a society that it devotes more care and patience to the selection of those who handle its money than of those who handle its children?"
If you have the time, I suggest reading all 3 articles in their entirety - I'm going back for more.
Notification
Crossposted from here:
Until further notice, the wedding ceremony is canceled. We will still be getting the marriage license and taking care of the legal end of things, if you are interested in signing as a witness for us or just being there for the "big day".
Planning was slow from the start but lately we haven't gotten anything done and I have come to the conclusion that it's just not meant to happen right now. Our funding isn't there, and neither is my drive to search for another 40 hours for a site that is within our budget, can hold 150+ people, allows alcohol, doesn't force their own catering on us, has parking and is centrally located. We have decided instead to invite a few people to be there when we sign the marriage license in a few months and to plan for a larger ceremony later when we can afford it and aren't as stressed.
This means:
* The bridal party is invited to come out and see us, but as most of you are rather far from Indiana, I won't blame you for not showing up. We'll just have to plan visits soon, as jobs and weather allow it.
* Family members are certainly welcome as well, but again as most of you are somewhat busy and none are right here we'll work out visits within our means and celebrate with you all then.
* Wedding gifts, while accepted, are not necessary. We currently have everything we need to set up a new home, except funding. If you are planning a gift, please consider helping us with buying a home - we would greatly appreciate it! Thank you!
There is no official date for the marriage as of yet, but we will let you know when we set one. Thank you all for your support!
~ Dawn
Until further notice, the wedding ceremony is canceled. We will still be getting the marriage license and taking care of the legal end of things, if you are interested in signing as a witness for us or just being there for the "big day".
Planning was slow from the start but lately we haven't gotten anything done and I have come to the conclusion that it's just not meant to happen right now. Our funding isn't there, and neither is my drive to search for another 40 hours for a site that is within our budget, can hold 150+ people, allows alcohol, doesn't force their own catering on us, has parking and is centrally located. We have decided instead to invite a few people to be there when we sign the marriage license in a few months and to plan for a larger ceremony later when we can afford it and aren't as stressed.
This means:
* The bridal party is invited to come out and see us, but as most of you are rather far from Indiana, I won't blame you for not showing up. We'll just have to plan visits soon, as jobs and weather allow it.
* Family members are certainly welcome as well, but again as most of you are somewhat busy and none are right here we'll work out visits within our means and celebrate with you all then.
* Wedding gifts, while accepted, are not necessary. We currently have everything we need to set up a new home, except funding. If you are planning a gift, please consider helping us with buying a home - we would greatly appreciate it! Thank you!
There is no official date for the marriage as of yet, but we will let you know when we set one. Thank you all for your support!
~ Dawn
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Lists:
1. Are a good way to organize thoughts.
2. Help us prioritize.
3. Can be:
....a. spoken
....b. written
....c. drawn
....d. read
....e.crossed out
.[x]f. checked off
....g. rewritten
....h. scribbled
....i. typed
....j. sung
....k. and more.
4. Look nice, especially on properly lined paper.
5. Make good meme formats.
6. Are easily turned into Outlines.
7. Provide:
....a. information
....b. amusement
....c. motivation
8. Can be used to procrastinate.
9. Are sometimes turned into poems.
10. Break down information into easy-to-understand chunks, to help us process it all.
11. Can be used to show pros and cons of important decisions!
12. Are in .txt files all over my desktop.
13. Fit on post-its, even if the post-its don't stick to anything very well.
14. Help with the shopping.
15. Remind us who to send Christmas cards to.
16. Invite others to read over our shoulders while writing them.
17. Have been seen as a threat.
18. Have been used to punish.
19. Are used by bureaucrats to...
....a. Call upon
....b. demand
....c. urge
....d. endorse, and
....e. request.
20. Don't actually seem to work for the bureaucrats.
21. Help us remember what to do next.
22. Make us look busy.
23. Add an air of authority to the listed items.
24. Give us something to read in the doctor's office.
25. Are the favored format of much of pop culture ("Top 10", anyone?)
I think I may start writing my "To-Do" lists in pictograms, just for kicks.
2. Help us prioritize.
3. Can be:
....a. spoken
....b. written
....c. drawn
....d. read
....e.
.[x]f. checked off
....g. rewritten
....h. scribbled
....i. typed
....j. sung
....k. and more.
4. Look nice, especially on properly lined paper.
5. Make good meme formats.
6. Are easily turned into Outlines.
7. Provide:
....a. information
....b. amusement
....c. motivation
8. Can be used to procrastinate.
9. Are sometimes turned into poems.
10. Break down information into easy-to-understand chunks, to help us process it all.
11. Can be used to show pros and cons of important decisions!
12. Are in .txt files all over my desktop.
13. Fit on post-its, even if the post-its don't stick to anything very well.
14. Help with the shopping.
15. Remind us who to send Christmas cards to.
16. Invite others to read over our shoulders while writing them.
17. Have been seen as a threat.
18. Have been used to punish.
19. Are used by bureaucrats to...
....a. Call upon
....b. demand
....c. urge
....d. endorse, and
....e. request.
20. Don't actually seem to work for the bureaucrats.
21. Help us remember what to do next.
22. Make us look busy.
23. Add an air of authority to the listed items.
24. Give us something to read in the doctor's office.
25. Are the favored format of much of pop culture ("Top 10", anyone?)
I think I may start writing my "To-Do" lists in pictograms, just for kicks.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Dirt = Crime?
This story fascinated me.
We all have things that red-flag as "criminal" or "suspicious" to our brain - things that for the most part lie in stereotypes of behaviors we've seen before. It is nothing new to say that if I see a movie about gang colors I'll be on the lookout for them when I go into the city. But does seeing evidence of criminal activity (graffiti, drug use) make us more likely to bend the rules? If so, does seeing evidence of criminal deterrence (neighborhood watch signs, impeccably clean areas) produce the opposite effect? Why?
The article mentions that the study's results show a pretty clear spike in minor criminal behaviors (cutting through a gap in fences, tossing litter) when people are presented with an area in which minor crimes (graffiti, locking bikes to a fence next to a "do not lock bikes here" sign) had already been committed. But what of an area in which no crimes were visible - it was just dirty?
I personally don't see dirt as automatically pointing to criminals or criminal behavior, although there does seem to be a strong correlation these days between how clean one's house is, and how high one's income level is, making a strong case for the poorest of us (who are also the ones more likely to commit minor crimes, if you believe statistics) also being the dirtiest - either through lack of caring or lack of cleaning products. But I don't try to add to the mess when I walk through a particularly untidy part of the neighborhood... nor do I get the urge to steal bicycles there. But how many people would? Is it possible that crimes are more common in dirty, run-down areas of cities only because that's where the criminals feel most comfortable committing them, despite the fact that police concentration is likely higher in those parts? If we removed all the police presence from the most wealthy parts of town for a few days, would crime rates rise there? What if we scattered graffiti on the walls of the McMansions?
It's an interesting study, and I'd love to see more that replicate these results in different areas and conditions. If the human mind associates dirt with criminal behavior, I want to know where that idea came from - although I'll probably still let my kids play in the mud.
We all have things that red-flag as "criminal" or "suspicious" to our brain - things that for the most part lie in stereotypes of behaviors we've seen before. It is nothing new to say that if I see a movie about gang colors I'll be on the lookout for them when I go into the city. But does seeing evidence of criminal activity (graffiti, drug use) make us more likely to bend the rules? If so, does seeing evidence of criminal deterrence (neighborhood watch signs, impeccably clean areas) produce the opposite effect? Why?
The article mentions that the study's results show a pretty clear spike in minor criminal behaviors (cutting through a gap in fences, tossing litter) when people are presented with an area in which minor crimes (graffiti, locking bikes to a fence next to a "do not lock bikes here" sign) had already been committed. But what of an area in which no crimes were visible - it was just dirty?
I personally don't see dirt as automatically pointing to criminals or criminal behavior, although there does seem to be a strong correlation these days between how clean one's house is, and how high one's income level is, making a strong case for the poorest of us (who are also the ones more likely to commit minor crimes, if you believe statistics) also being the dirtiest - either through lack of caring or lack of cleaning products. But I don't try to add to the mess when I walk through a particularly untidy part of the neighborhood... nor do I get the urge to steal bicycles there. But how many people would? Is it possible that crimes are more common in dirty, run-down areas of cities only because that's where the criminals feel most comfortable committing them, despite the fact that police concentration is likely higher in those parts? If we removed all the police presence from the most wealthy parts of town for a few days, would crime rates rise there? What if we scattered graffiti on the walls of the McMansions?
It's an interesting study, and I'd love to see more that replicate these results in different areas and conditions. If the human mind associates dirt with criminal behavior, I want to know where that idea came from - although I'll probably still let my kids play in the mud.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Well, I was tired...
But as usual my brain doesn't sleep. I was thinking about first one thing and then another having to do with school today and the various frustrations of working with Instructional Aides who just don't "get it" and a new teacher who has simply adopted much of what the old one did without questions - which means I am stuck asking them, if I dare (and I don't, because a TSS who upsets the classroom too much is a TSS without a job).
But on to the main point - my own school experiences. I thought myself into the train of thought that goes something like this: "I wonder what my elementary school is like now... I wonder if I'd run into any of my old classmates if I went by the Shur-Fine in town now... and whether they'd recognize me... do I remember any of them? Huh, I don't think I do. There was that Lisa somebody, and Joel... Osomething? And... oh, hey, I don't think I even remember my teachers' names."
And so on. But the fact is, I really don't remember much of my childhood. There are a few fuzzy memories, tattered around the edges and entirely without context, floating in a sea of blank faces and forgotten lessons. I remember, for instance, the exact day I learned to braid while playing with a horse (it was a bright lavender horse with a pink mane and tail, and it was during afternoon recess indoors, which means it was probably raining or snowing at the time, although I can't remember that part at all). I think it was third or fourth grade, which are my best remembered years of school. I was terribly excited by the sudden realization that I could braid, and showed off my horse's newly braided tail to all the other girls, only to hear that they already knew how to braid and were not at all impressed. Thinking back on it, I realize that at least a few of them had to be lying, likely out of jealousy... but my own self-concept back then was already of being the "weird kid" and I took the girls' disinterest as yet another sign that they had excluded me from the club when it was time for everyone else to teach each other how to braid.
Isn't that a weird memory to have? I remember writing a story too - it couldn't have been the first story I wrote in school, but it was unique because we had to use just a few pictures cut out from magazines, and make a story around them. I wrote about a little girl and a herd of wild horses (I spent half the first lesson time rooting through the picture pile for one of a horse!)... and I was so proud to write my finished copy neatly on a piece of green paper (it was for Christmas, I think - the paper we "published" on was green and red) and see it hung in the hall!
The strange thing is that those few memories are all I have. After fourth grade, everything just blurs into a feeling of being entirely lost. I switched schools for fifth grade in the district next door because our elementary school hadn't had a fifth grade at that point, and I moved on to the huge, prison-block high school in sixth. I remember the high school because it was a gigantic tiny-windowed three-story brick edifice that towered over the farmland around it like some kind of sinister unnamed government project, and the interior design didn't help the effect. For a lanky, late-to-puberty, highly reflective and extremely self-conscious "freak" like me my sixth grade class was probably the worst environment I could have been planted in, and the effects of that single year are clear even a decade after, if you know what to look for. But I don't -remember- any of it clearly. Not even the dark-haired girl who tormented me endlessly, whose name I swore I'd never forget (I also swore to myself that I'd one day mash her face into a pulp in front of the rest of the class). I find it both disconcerting that most of my "formative years" seems to have gigantic gaps, and strangely comforting that I really could let all of it go when it seemed like I'd never get away from it.
Maybe memory loss isn't such a bad thing after all. If nothing else, it makes forgiving a heck of a lot easier.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Well, we let them slip THAT one through...
Thursday, December 25, 2008
And to all, a good night.
Well, Merry Christmas. Rick worked last night so I stayed up till 1 all by myself, then slept till 5 and got up again to welcome him home at 6. Then back to bed till 10, and up to feed the pets and survey the apartment. I cleaned some of the kitchen yesterday; today will be the bathroom and maybe the bedroom while I finish the laundry. At least I can give us the gift of a clean house this year. He works again tonight, 10pm to 6am. At least we'll have time for dinner before he goes.
When I got up at 5, it was all quiet and dark like it used to be when we were little and would get up to check our stockings before mom and dad were awake. Out of some last upwelling of childhood hope I went to the living room as though there would somehow be a tree there all lit up and sparkling. Of course, the only lights were the LEDs from the speakers and computer. Christmas has entirely lost its magic for me this year.
It's almost New Years' again. Another calendar change, revisiting resolutions... I didn't complete mine this year. Aside from fumbling through some wedding plans, not a single goal on my list was realized. I blame some of that on the major upset in March that caused me to spend an extra summer in college, but the rest of the blame lies solely on my lap for not just doing it.
I fail at self motivation. Which is hard for me to say, because I have such big, glorious plans for my life - but they'll never be any closer to achievement if I can't even keep a resolution to keep the kitchen clean. I've been trying to develop better habits, but obviously not hard enough. And so I'm tossing out specific resolutions for the coming year, and focusing on just doing what needs to be done without making excuses or avoiding it. I figure if I can do that, my life might be a lot better... and I'll probably develop some good habits along the way.
When I got up at 5, it was all quiet and dark like it used to be when we were little and would get up to check our stockings before mom and dad were awake. Out of some last upwelling of childhood hope I went to the living room as though there would somehow be a tree there all lit up and sparkling. Of course, the only lights were the LEDs from the speakers and computer. Christmas has entirely lost its magic for me this year.
It's almost New Years' again. Another calendar change, revisiting resolutions... I didn't complete mine this year. Aside from fumbling through some wedding plans, not a single goal on my list was realized. I blame some of that on the major upset in March that caused me to spend an extra summer in college, but the rest of the blame lies solely on my lap for not just doing it.
I fail at self motivation. Which is hard for me to say, because I have such big, glorious plans for my life - but they'll never be any closer to achievement if I can't even keep a resolution to keep the kitchen clean. I've been trying to develop better habits, but obviously not hard enough. And so I'm tossing out specific resolutions for the coming year, and focusing on just doing what needs to be done without making excuses or avoiding it. I figure if I can do that, my life might be a lot better... and I'll probably develop some good habits along the way.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
This is a photo of a christmas card I got from one of my online friends. What does it say that I can't see my family for xmas and haven't gotten anything in the mail from any of them, whether or not they expected to see me this year, but I've gotten cards from 4 people who I've never met in person? To be fair, my family has never been big on cards and it's been years since I even talked to my aunt and uncle in CA, let alone gotten a gift from them (or given them one), but still, it kinda stings. Especially when every aunt Rick has is sending him a card at the very least.
A sense of community is a great thing and I'm glad that I have that with someone, even if I can't hug them for the holiday wishes.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
I WON!
....and that is all. NaNo's word counter shorted me by 22 words after I tried to validate with 50,001 the first time, but it was all good. I crossed the finish line at just after 10pm and am now basking in the glory of having written 20k words in two days to finish my novel in the sloppiest and least coherent manner I have ever written. But it's ok, because I'll be editing it in January, I swear...
Along the way:
I made some new friends, drank more tea than I had all year previous to November, used Write or Die several times to meet with great wordcounts each time (something about the screen turning red on kamikaze mode before it deletes your words with as much gusto as a machine can muster really kept me typing!), ate lots of muffins, canned spagetti-o ripoffs and assorted other microwaveable foods, worked 20+ hours a week the first 3 weeks, managed to get all of my paperwork done, kept the dishes washed and the laundry done, nearly stabbed my laptop screen, punched my laptop, dropped it, carried it around with me like a baby, stayed up late to write, thought I would quit 3 times, and finally had my laptop die on me.
Yes, it died. Or rather, the LCD died. Not sure quite how but I think it started with the screen warping when I left the poor thing on overnight a few times several months ago, and it only got worse from there. I never did diagnose the problem, but it had been getting worse (displaying lines down the screen, fuzzing out, going shades of white or purple and freezing up, etc) and could generally only be fixed by a chip clip in the top corner of the screen. Of course it had to completely die on the last day, or more accurately just a few hours before validation was set to close. Talk about frustrating... I might have hit it a few times, but it was already entirely dead so it's not like that hurt it much. Guess it's time for a new laptop. :/
But at least I won National Novel Writing Month for the first time since I started participating six years ago. Whew, what a month.
Along the way:
I made some new friends, drank more tea than I had all year previous to November, used Write or Die several times to meet with great wordcounts each time (something about the screen turning red on kamikaze mode before it deletes your words with as much gusto as a machine can muster really kept me typing!), ate lots of muffins, canned spagetti-o ripoffs and assorted other microwaveable foods, worked 20+ hours a week the first 3 weeks, managed to get all of my paperwork done, kept the dishes washed and the laundry done, nearly stabbed my laptop screen, punched my laptop, dropped it, carried it around with me like a baby, stayed up late to write, thought I would quit 3 times, and finally had my laptop die on me.
Yes, it died. Or rather, the LCD died. Not sure quite how but I think it started with the screen warping when I left the poor thing on overnight a few times several months ago, and it only got worse from there. I never did diagnose the problem, but it had been getting worse (displaying lines down the screen, fuzzing out, going shades of white or purple and freezing up, etc) and could generally only be fixed by a chip clip in the top corner of the screen. Of course it had to completely die on the last day, or more accurately just a few hours before validation was set to close. Talk about frustrating... I might have hit it a few times, but it was already entirely dead so it's not like that hurt it much. Guess it's time for a new laptop. :/
But at least I won National Novel Writing Month for the first time since I started participating six years ago. Whew, what a month.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Stressssssssss.
Today was one of those days that I can only describe as "AAAAARGH."
In short, my client screamed a lot, was uncooperative except for a half hour in Kindergarten, and then fell asleep at 1:30, leaving me with another 1.5 hours of unbillable time on my hands and a gregarious temp aide who decided that since I wasn't with a student I must not have anything to do. I didn't get any paperwork done. Nor did I get any writing done for the third night in a row, and it's now 10pm, although to be fair I did sleep from 5:30 to 7:30. I've had a confusing sleep pattern the last few days, too. I've been going to bed early, sleeping in as much as possible in the morning, and dozing off for hours during the afternoon. It doesn't help that I'm -always- cold, and the bed is the warmest place in the house except in front of the mini heater, and this morning I woke up with the left side of my sinus cavities completely congested.
Oh, and the landlady is now showing the apartment all week long, and we've had to spend time cleaning it up properly for showcasing the lovely large kitchen with its sloping floor and the door that we stuffed foam around and masking-taped shut because otherwise there's a draft coming in around it that feels like someone turned on an industrial fan and pointed it at the house.
I hate winter. I think I should be allowed to hibernate.
In short, my client screamed a lot, was uncooperative except for a half hour in Kindergarten, and then fell asleep at 1:30, leaving me with another 1.5 hours of unbillable time on my hands and a gregarious temp aide who decided that since I wasn't with a student I must not have anything to do. I didn't get any paperwork done. Nor did I get any writing done for the third night in a row, and it's now 10pm, although to be fair I did sleep from 5:30 to 7:30. I've had a confusing sleep pattern the last few days, too. I've been going to bed early, sleeping in as much as possible in the morning, and dozing off for hours during the afternoon. It doesn't help that I'm -always- cold, and the bed is the warmest place in the house except in front of the mini heater, and this morning I woke up with the left side of my sinus cavities completely congested.
Oh, and the landlady is now showing the apartment all week long, and we've had to spend time cleaning it up properly for showcasing the lovely large kitchen with its sloping floor and the door that we stuffed foam around and masking-taped shut because otherwise there's a draft coming in around it that feels like someone turned on an industrial fan and pointed it at the house.
I hate winter. I think I should be allowed to hibernate.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Just another NaNo update...
Write or Die is my NaNo salvation:
I'm now at 28,088 words and am going to write a bit more before bed to give myself a comfy little cushion on which to lean back during this week, as I expect I'll be starting 4 more hours of work this week with a new client so I'll have far less time to write. But more money is a good thing, too... this novel probably won't make any, after all.
 | 3008 |
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68  | |
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| lab.drwicked.com | |
I'm now at 28,088 words and am going to write a bit more before bed to give myself a comfy little cushion on which to lean back during this week, as I expect I'll be starting 4 more hours of work this week with a new client so I'll have far less time to write. But more money is a good thing, too... this novel probably won't make any, after all.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Winning!
| 2002 |
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| 41 | |
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| lab.drwicked.com | |
50wpm for 40 minutes straight isn't too bad after a full day of work and being sleepy besides. I think I might actually make it to 50k this year... and I'm having an awful lot of fun with my characters' internal monologues.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
...did I mention it's NOVEMBER? :D
...and that means NaNoWriMo!
My total word count so far is 8,815 - slightly ahead of the Nov. 5 goal of 8334. I got a good start over the weekend of the 1st, went to a write-in, enjoyed myself and have settled into a pace of about 1500-2k words per day now, which if I keep it up should ensure a win. Of course, I'm depending on having weekends free for catching up (and doing paperwork) as needed.
I'm excited; this is the 10th anniversary of National Novel Writing Month, and there are hundreds of thousands of participants. Even my lackadaisical town has popped a few budding authors out of the woodwork (mostly college students - gotta love english majors!). So this year I have more of a support net as well as more of an idea. Here's hoping for few plot holes and lots of tea... speaking of which, the water's boiling! :D
My total word count so far is 8,815 - slightly ahead of the Nov. 5 goal of 8334. I got a good start over the weekend of the 1st, went to a write-in, enjoyed myself and have settled into a pace of about 1500-2k words per day now, which if I keep it up should ensure a win. Of course, I'm depending on having weekends free for catching up (and doing paperwork) as needed.
I'm excited; this is the 10th anniversary of National Novel Writing Month, and there are hundreds of thousands of participants. Even my lackadaisical town has popped a few budding authors out of the woodwork (mostly college students - gotta love english majors!). So this year I have more of a support net as well as more of an idea. Here's hoping for few plot holes and lots of tea... speaking of which, the water's boiling! :D
Oh, and while we're on the topic...
(This will make more sense if you read the previous post first.)
Oh, and on the topic of change being bullshit - it's bullshit because Obama can't do very much from the white house. Our president is a figurehead. He can veto bills from Congress, he can suggest things, but he can not singlehandedly change anything (probably including the White House light bulbs). This being the case, I don't know why we always fall into the trap of campaign promises only to look back at 4 years of a presidency with disappointment (or we simply forget the promises because we're busy fighting over the "issues"). If Obama gets enough support from the Congress and Supreme Court, then we may be in trouble... but even then, Obama can create change only if we allow it.
People seem to forget that we are in a democracy except once every 4 years. The supposed definition of democracy is: "a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly... or by their elected agents" (dictionary.reference.com). Democracy is Rule By the People, For the People, and Of the People. This being the case, why do most of us have a bad case of "It's someone else's problem!"? Trash in the street? Someone else's problem, even if it's two steps from the can. Notice that your neighborhood civic center could use a fresh coat of paint? Someone else's problem. Schools in your city understaffed with overworked teachers? Someone else's problem! Other people's problems bother you all the time, but it's never -your- problem to fix, because the minute it becomes your problem, it also becomes your responsibility. Remember that quote: "With great power comes great responsibility." Yeah, that one. Well, if we're supposedly the ones in power in this great country, why aren't we taking responsibility for it?
I know I complain A LOT about the educational system, about food prices, about just about anything there is to complain about - I'm convinced it's human nature to complain, and if there's nothing to complain about we'll complain that things are too good to be true. But at the same time, a blog post by an acquaintance of mine made me remember that complaints won't get things done. Actions speak louder than the best campaign promises. So even though I didn't vote, I feel like I make more of a difference every day than some people have made in their entire lives.
I garden (as much as I can fit on a tiny, crowded balcony) for some of my own food. I help people when I can afford to (time to listen, money for good charities, volunteering to help out with projects, or just a smile on the street to someone who looks sad). I try to live a decent life and encourage those around me to do the same. I'm not perfect and I certainly could do better, but the point is that at least I try, for 365 days a year, every year, to be a good person, the kind of person I'd like to see running my country. And the way I see it, the best way to become proud of America is to live as an example for other Americans. So while a lot of people voted this fall, and wanted to see our new president (whoever he might be) bring Change to the White House, why don't we get busy now, and invest all that positive energy from the election into volunteering at our local schools, growing some veggies, making cookies for the neighbors, tutoring our children, fixing up our bicycles and doing our best to live good lives. Obama might make a good president (I have my doubts, but four years will tell), but he can not live our own lives for us, nor can he ever bring change to those who are unwilling to accept it.
Think on that for a while next time you get all excited about what someone else is doing for the world, and remember: to a lot of people out there, you could be that someone else.
Oh, and on the topic of change being bullshit - it's bullshit because Obama can't do very much from the white house. Our president is a figurehead. He can veto bills from Congress, he can suggest things, but he can not singlehandedly change anything (probably including the White House light bulbs). This being the case, I don't know why we always fall into the trap of campaign promises only to look back at 4 years of a presidency with disappointment (or we simply forget the promises because we're busy fighting over the "issues"). If Obama gets enough support from the Congress and Supreme Court, then we may be in trouble... but even then, Obama can create change only if we allow it.
People seem to forget that we are in a democracy except once every 4 years. The supposed definition of democracy is: "a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly... or by their elected agents" (dictionary.reference.com). Democracy is Rule By the People, For the People, and Of the People. This being the case, why do most of us have a bad case of "It's someone else's problem!"? Trash in the street? Someone else's problem, even if it's two steps from the can. Notice that your neighborhood civic center could use a fresh coat of paint? Someone else's problem. Schools in your city understaffed with overworked teachers? Someone else's problem! Other people's problems bother you all the time, but it's never -your- problem to fix, because the minute it becomes your problem, it also becomes your responsibility. Remember that quote: "With great power comes great responsibility." Yeah, that one. Well, if we're supposedly the ones in power in this great country, why aren't we taking responsibility for it?
I know I complain A LOT about the educational system, about food prices, about just about anything there is to complain about - I'm convinced it's human nature to complain, and if there's nothing to complain about we'll complain that things are too good to be true. But at the same time, a blog post by an acquaintance of mine made me remember that complaints won't get things done. Actions speak louder than the best campaign promises. So even though I didn't vote, I feel like I make more of a difference every day than some people have made in their entire lives.
I garden (as much as I can fit on a tiny, crowded balcony) for some of my own food. I help people when I can afford to (time to listen, money for good charities, volunteering to help out with projects, or just a smile on the street to someone who looks sad). I try to live a decent life and encourage those around me to do the same. I'm not perfect and I certainly could do better, but the point is that at least I try, for 365 days a year, every year, to be a good person, the kind of person I'd like to see running my country. And the way I see it, the best way to become proud of America is to live as an example for other Americans. So while a lot of people voted this fall, and wanted to see our new president (whoever he might be) bring Change to the White House, why don't we get busy now, and invest all that positive energy from the election into volunteering at our local schools, growing some veggies, making cookies for the neighbors, tutoring our children, fixing up our bicycles and doing our best to live good lives. Obama might make a good president (I have my doubts, but four years will tell), but he can not live our own lives for us, nor can he ever bring change to those who are unwilling to accept it.
Think on that for a while next time you get all excited about what someone else is doing for the world, and remember: to a lot of people out there, you could be that someone else.
Well, that's over...
Congratulations to our (almost) President-elect. My mother apparently called me last night at 10pm, wanting to know why I was still in the voter register in our county back home and wondering if I had indeed voted. She said, and I quote: "because if you haven't, I'll kick your ass." I'm sure she wants to, and I'm sure a lot of other people want to do so as well.
Well mom, you better get driving, and Rick will put you in my appointment book when you get here, because I'm a little bit busy figuring out how to survive through the next few shitty paychecks to get my ass kicked at the moment and you're not helping my stress levels. I'm glad you've come over to the American Way of taking out your annoyance on people through violence. Take a ticket, have a seat, wait in line. I DID NOT VOTE. I ABSTAINED.
And guess what? I DON'T CARE.
I was sick of this election four months ago and stressed then, too, and trying to figure out how I was going to be eating in another month, so you'll excuse me if I didn't get around to trying to re-register until October when I was told it was too late. And it wasn't too late for an absentee ballot, but New York wouldn't have given me one, because I'm technically a permanent PA resident now and have no plausible excuse to write on the application. So I couldn't register down here and I sure as hell wasn't driving back to New York after 6 hours of work, even if the polls had been open late enough to allow that kind of nonsense. Sorry, voter registration wasn't exactly the first thing on my mind this year.
But the reason I really don't care is because this election was not really that important, despite all the bullshit about Americans electing our first black president (you'll notice he's still half white, and you'll also notice if you check the exit polls that Americans didn't elect him - BLACK Americans did), about "Change" (Same shit, different color), and about how much was going to happen when we finally got Bush out of office. I'll say it again; that was BULLSHIT. Half the country knew who was going to win two months ago, because Americans follow very distinct voting patterns just like all other "democratic" nations, and it was pretty obvious the pendulum would be swinging Democrat this year. So in that respect, even if I had voted, my vote would not have counted against the near-guarantee of a Democratic win. I'm almost sure that even if Hillary, Miss Divisive herself, had run for office against McCain, we'd have taken her rather than let the Republicans have the presidency for another 4 years.
Now, I wasn't even planning on voting for either candidate. Let's say that one again. I was not going to vote Democrat and I was not going to vote Republican. I still was not sure, as of last night, WHO I would have voted for because even the third party candidates I looked up online, some of whom weren't even eligible to be put on the official PA ballot, didn't support what I think this country needs. If anything, I would have written in some kind of joke like Charles Darwin, it would have been the only vote for that person in the entirety of the nation, and my vote would have been lost in the other hundreds of thousands of stupid write-ins and mistakes - essentially I would have thrown my vote away in an effort to tell people how much I hated my choices this year. But at least I would've voted and that's what counts, right? (/sarcasm)
It's not that I think my vote doesn't "count" in the most abstract sense of the word. I think that even if I vote for the least likely candidate for office, if I am voting true to my own beliefs I have made myself heard, so my vote counts. Of course I'll never see my chosen candidates get elected, but I think there is a great deal of weight sitting on the shoulders of a minority who actually do vote third-party - they are the ones who tell the people running this great shithole of a country that there are people out there who are still unsatisfied and don't buy into the war hype and the tax cuts (or in this case, increases, unless you're living below the poverty level with me), and who want to see more change than a hopeful slogan and a new skin color in office. BUT I do think that while my vote counts on some great abstract level, in this year's election, no one lost by a single vote, so in terms of statistics and logic my vote counted about as much as a pea in a mountain of soybeans.
I think that I could probably feel horribly guilty about not voting, too. But I don't. I'm not going to let everyone else tell me that I should feel guilty for not voting, because my vote was one of millions to be silent this election and silence is just as good an option sometimes. I'm abstaining from "running the nation" because NO ONE this year stood for sustainable development, overhauling the education system, paring down unnecessary government, reducing our goddamn budget deficit instead of cutting chunks out of school funding so we can keep spending on the war, and improving the chances of single young adults in getting health care. They were all worried about poor Joe the Plumber, Mr. Everyman. I'll vote when a candidate steps up who is more scholar than warrior and who knows the value of a real-life education instead of standardized testing, of letting kids be kids (I swear if I hear any more paranoia about poisoned Halloween candy or pedophiles lurking in suburban bushes I'm going to start throwing bricks at mothers' heads), and of giving this nation some flexibility and forethought instead of knee-jerk reactions and predictability. THEN my vote would really count toward what I want. In the meantime, the line for my ass-kicking starts over there. Enjoy your wait.
Well mom, you better get driving, and Rick will put you in my appointment book when you get here, because I'm a little bit busy figuring out how to survive through the next few shitty paychecks to get my ass kicked at the moment and you're not helping my stress levels. I'm glad you've come over to the American Way of taking out your annoyance on people through violence. Take a ticket, have a seat, wait in line. I DID NOT VOTE. I ABSTAINED.
And guess what? I DON'T CARE.
I was sick of this election four months ago and stressed then, too, and trying to figure out how I was going to be eating in another month, so you'll excuse me if I didn't get around to trying to re-register until October when I was told it was too late. And it wasn't too late for an absentee ballot, but New York wouldn't have given me one, because I'm technically a permanent PA resident now and have no plausible excuse to write on the application. So I couldn't register down here and I sure as hell wasn't driving back to New York after 6 hours of work, even if the polls had been open late enough to allow that kind of nonsense. Sorry, voter registration wasn't exactly the first thing on my mind this year.
But the reason I really don't care is because this election was not really that important, despite all the bullshit about Americans electing our first black president (you'll notice he's still half white, and you'll also notice if you check the exit polls that Americans didn't elect him - BLACK Americans did), about "Change" (Same shit, different color), and about how much was going to happen when we finally got Bush out of office. I'll say it again; that was BULLSHIT. Half the country knew who was going to win two months ago, because Americans follow very distinct voting patterns just like all other "democratic" nations, and it was pretty obvious the pendulum would be swinging Democrat this year. So in that respect, even if I had voted, my vote would not have counted against the near-guarantee of a Democratic win. I'm almost sure that even if Hillary, Miss Divisive herself, had run for office against McCain, we'd have taken her rather than let the Republicans have the presidency for another 4 years.
Now, I wasn't even planning on voting for either candidate. Let's say that one again. I was not going to vote Democrat and I was not going to vote Republican. I still was not sure, as of last night, WHO I would have voted for because even the third party candidates I looked up online, some of whom weren't even eligible to be put on the official PA ballot, didn't support what I think this country needs. If anything, I would have written in some kind of joke like Charles Darwin, it would have been the only vote for that person in the entirety of the nation, and my vote would have been lost in the other hundreds of thousands of stupid write-ins and mistakes - essentially I would have thrown my vote away in an effort to tell people how much I hated my choices this year. But at least I would've voted and that's what counts, right? (/sarcasm)
It's not that I think my vote doesn't "count" in the most abstract sense of the word. I think that even if I vote for the least likely candidate for office, if I am voting true to my own beliefs I have made myself heard, so my vote counts. Of course I'll never see my chosen candidates get elected, but I think there is a great deal of weight sitting on the shoulders of a minority who actually do vote third-party - they are the ones who tell the people running this great shithole of a country that there are people out there who are still unsatisfied and don't buy into the war hype and the tax cuts (or in this case, increases, unless you're living below the poverty level with me), and who want to see more change than a hopeful slogan and a new skin color in office. BUT I do think that while my vote counts on some great abstract level, in this year's election, no one lost by a single vote, so in terms of statistics and logic my vote counted about as much as a pea in a mountain of soybeans.
I think that I could probably feel horribly guilty about not voting, too. But I don't. I'm not going to let everyone else tell me that I should feel guilty for not voting, because my vote was one of millions to be silent this election and silence is just as good an option sometimes. I'm abstaining from "running the nation" because NO ONE this year stood for sustainable development, overhauling the education system, paring down unnecessary government, reducing our goddamn budget deficit instead of cutting chunks out of school funding so we can keep spending on the war, and improving the chances of single young adults in getting health care. They were all worried about poor Joe the Plumber, Mr. Everyman. I'll vote when a candidate steps up who is more scholar than warrior and who knows the value of a real-life education instead of standardized testing, of letting kids be kids (I swear if I hear any more paranoia about poisoned Halloween candy or pedophiles lurking in suburban bushes I'm going to start throwing bricks at mothers' heads), and of giving this nation some flexibility and forethought instead of knee-jerk reactions and predictability. THEN my vote would really count toward what I want. In the meantime, the line for my ass-kicking starts over there. Enjoy your wait.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
So I've been thinking...
(and of course we know this leads to long, rambly blog posts!)...
I really don't feel grown-up yet. Which is funny, in a way, because it seems like most people spend the first 18 or so years of their life trying to be as "grown-up" as possible, and I know I certainly did want to be more "grown-up" when I was in high school, and looked forward to the awesome adult that I most certainly would become. Yet now that I've finally been pushed out into the world (a fact which was waved in my face this evening when I found a notice that the college is disconnecting my network account now that I've graduated), I'm really not sure what to do with myself.
I have a degree, I have a job, I'm engaged, I have a decent apartment with two cats and some nice stuff (and as George Carlin knew well, life is all about the stuff)... but I feel like somewhere I missed some really important rite of passage that would have otherwise told me "ok, you're an adult!", and with it, some major change in attitude, behavior, or appearance (when, oh when, will my skin clear up?). Instead it's all been rather gradual and confusing, and I'm left wondering - if I'm not sure I'm an adult at 22 years old with an adult job and a car and an apartment, what will I feel like at 40? On one hand, I almost hope the sense of childhood never goes away, because it's most certainly more fun to be able to race kids down the block (letting them win, of course) than to believe that paperwork and dishes are all there is to life, but on the other hand, I'm not sure I want to be 40 and still wondering when I'll think of myself as an adult!
Either way, I'm happy with my job so far and I guess I'm doing ok at playing grown-up, and sometimes I think everyone's just pretending anyway.
I really don't feel grown-up yet. Which is funny, in a way, because it seems like most people spend the first 18 or so years of their life trying to be as "grown-up" as possible, and I know I certainly did want to be more "grown-up" when I was in high school, and looked forward to the awesome adult that I most certainly would become. Yet now that I've finally been pushed out into the world (a fact which was waved in my face this evening when I found a notice that the college is disconnecting my network account now that I've graduated), I'm really not sure what to do with myself.
I have a degree, I have a job, I'm engaged, I have a decent apartment with two cats and some nice stuff (and as George Carlin knew well, life is all about the stuff)... but I feel like somewhere I missed some really important rite of passage that would have otherwise told me "ok, you're an adult!", and with it, some major change in attitude, behavior, or appearance (when, oh when, will my skin clear up?). Instead it's all been rather gradual and confusing, and I'm left wondering - if I'm not sure I'm an adult at 22 years old with an adult job and a car and an apartment, what will I feel like at 40? On one hand, I almost hope the sense of childhood never goes away, because it's most certainly more fun to be able to race kids down the block (letting them win, of course) than to believe that paperwork and dishes are all there is to life, but on the other hand, I'm not sure I want to be 40 and still wondering when I'll think of myself as an adult!
Either way, I'm happy with my job so far and I guess I'm doing ok at playing grown-up, and sometimes I think everyone's just pretending anyway.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Year-Round, or something else entirely?
So I got bored today and decided to be "useful" to the teeming masses by making my presence known on Yahoo! Answers, a fine service dedicated to the highest reaches of human achievement, answering such questions as: What is the song that goes like this:? and I think i want to be jewish?.
The Answers Blog at the top of the page caught my eye today as I was skimming for more places to leave snarky, 5-paragraph answers. It asks: What are your thoughts on year-round education? A lot of the answers came in the form of anecdotes from teens on both sides of the fence, but a few things kept coming up and I wanted to drop a few thoughts of my own.
1. Kids "need" or "deserve" a summer break, it's "tradition", and it's time well spent on things school can't/won't cover. This one was obviously refuted several times over and it was mentioned that summer used to be farming time, and obviously isn't any more. I do appreciate that some kids can spend all summer in pursuit of knowledge and useful skills, and I know that in our world, a high school summer job is an integral part of growing up, not to mention a potential savings fund for that highly expensive college education. However, most kids I know sit on their bottoms all day long in front of a TV or computer monitor, so making good use of the summer is obviously something that either needs more parental involvement *coughhack* or we ought to be letting "those who know better" do something more useful with our kids, like schooling them! And summer jobs are a bit tougher but I think a year-long after-school internship might teach students more about money management and work ethic than a summer job that they know they'll be able to leave in September. Plus, wouldn't school-company relations be improved by that kind of thing? You send your kids in for grunt work as interns or volunteers, which gains them that precious socialization and leadership training, and since they're there on a steady basis and they're learning more about the company in all seasons, they might be offered a job or a bit of tuition help if they come back... but I guess that makes too much sense.
2. Year-long schools don't get as much vacation time, or get more. According to most of the responses, while there are varied templates for year long schooling, the number of days spent in school is, at least in the US, the same number as that spent in a 9 month cycle. The key is taking shorter breaks more often, which has apparently been shown to increase both student and teacher productivity and would definitely have improved my morale in high school. Getting up on those dark winter mornings when you knew the next break wouldn't be till Easter... well, let's just say I "accidentally" missed the bus a lot. Frequent breaks at off-times also mean that a family can go on a week-long vacation to, say, the Florida Keys and not have to pay as much or deal with crowding.
And crowding is one of the big reasons cited for having several tracks running in a year-long school with staggered breaks for each one, so that the effective attending population of the school can be cut by a quarter or more depending on who's got break at any given time. It keeps class sizes smaller, which I always think of as a good thing, and thins out the stress on school facilities and staff in overcrowded areas.
3. Kids in year-round school won't have the time to attend summer camps, visit relatives, hang out with friends, and experience the "real world, and teachers need their breaks too!" Sorry to say this, kiddos, but the "real world" is pretty well formed by month after month of all work and no play, unless you happen to get lucky with paid leave and sabbaticals, or you're unlucky enough to be unemployed. I think a year-round school could easily give kids a slightly longer summer break to accommodate summer camps and similar educational activities, while still maintaining a fairly even schedule. If you want to visit relatives for more than a week you're probably overstaying your welcome, and I wouldn't count that as a valid excuse anyway - visits happen regardless of schedules, if you really want them to. Hanging out with friends is what school -is-, these days, so no points there. This argument is entirely based on the assumption that those 3 months are going to be spent in a productive fashion anyway, which is entirely dependent upon personal attitudes and SES of the family (can they afford space camp, or do they buy Johnny a $20 video game instead?).
And teachers? I've been told this so many times I'll never forget it: A REAL, GOOD teacher doesn't get summer break. Of course this could possibly be because teaching doesn't pay enough to support yourself without a second job. (*ba-dum-ching!*) It could also be that teachers are *gasp* improving skills via summer classes and training! I was told it was because prep work for the next year, including reflecting on what you learned from the last class, should take all summer. I'm sure veteran teachers have it easier but knowing how much I put into a student teaching assignment and how little work it actually was in comparison to running my own classroom, I can see how teachers wouldn't get a break. So why do people insist that teachers will and should get one, aside from knowing what little horrors their precious children are? It's perpetuating a stereotype of a lazy, incompetent teacher, and I don't think the teaching profession needs any more bad press.
4. Kids are losing knowledge over summer breaks. Yeah, they are. End of story. Even I who read all summer long had trouble going back to school in the fall and readjusting to the schedule. Summer for me always provided a canvas for establishing bad habits as well as for exploring my interests. I ended up having a lot of fun at camp, for example, but I also ended up doing a lot of "nothing" and developing bad habits (like staying at the computer all day) to deal with boredom.
I think boredom, loneliness, loss of learning and establishment of bad habits happens to most kids over the summer, and I think since everyone is always going on about how children need structure and stability in their lives, the natural extension is toward longer schooling with more regular breaks. I would hate for summer break to be taken out completely, since it does offer benefits like summer jobs and a chance to travel, but it would be nice to extend the school year a little farther. Three months is too much, and even the kids on the Yahoo! Answers blog agreed on that. I can't speak for costs of keeping the school open vs closing it, but I imagine that "issue" could be smoothed out if people were willing to work on it. I think a lot of areas have dismissed longer school sessions out-of-hand because they don't understand or don't like the changes that it would bring... but I am pushing for any change that might help our schools. Considering the state it's in, even tiny steps toward improving our educational system are welcome to me.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Garden
This lovely blurry cell phone picture represents my very first "real" harvest from my garden. I pulled up a lot of lettuce last week for use on burritos, too. The blueberry tomatoes, true to their name, are tiny! They make up for it in flavor and juiciness, though. I could eat them like snack food... mmmm! And the peas are amazingly sweet; I don't think I'd want to cook them because I'm afraid to ruin the fresh-from-garden taste. I did leave the beans on the stalk a little too long but they're still ok in soup (I dropped them into my ramen today with some leftover beef).
I'm proud of the garden this year. It doesn't look like much, but it's giving me some pretty good returns for a few days' worth of planting and watering.
Still jobless, though. Sigh.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
DEAR
It's been quite uneventful around here recently. I'm taking a social psychology class which has me analyzing half the thoughts that pop into my head, an alarming increase from the 30% or so I usually think twice about. It has however shown me a few things about myself, I think. Being a usually introspective person, it's probably easier for me to step back and apply theories to my own thinking, but it might just drive me crazy (crazier?).
No hope on the job front. Tonight/tomorrow I'll try looking in Johnstown, because we found a real fixer-upper type house there and we want to try to get it, which will obviously be easier with a job. It's a big, old brick home with front and back porch tacked on at some later date, and it looks cheaply patched up inside and out but it's still structurally in decent shape, and has a full attic, a full (slightly damp) basement, and a newer-looking pair of furnaces and water heaters (yes, two of each - it was apparently split into upstairs-downstairs apartments). If my guess is correct most of the work it needs is cosmetic, which we can do ourselves (and boy am I excited about it). The lot also has a 3-bay garage, which is in far worse condition than the house (but that's ok, I don't mind rebuilding roofs!), and a tiny lawn where I could presumably put a garden. And it's priced to throw out at $16,900... gotta love foreclosures! I'm not letting myself get too excited about it, because there -was- another offer put in, and we can't offer what we don't have, but I do hope that we have a chance. I really would like a home.
In the meantime I sit here and check my email and my comics and blogs and wonder if I'll ever get a job interview when even Subway didn't seem to want me (although presumably their excuse is that they had hundreds of applicants). It's frustrating but there are little gems in everything. Today's was, of all things, spam mail.
Contact the secretay I shall! If only $800k really was a few clicks away I would be a happy woman. Last week I inherited 5 million or so, but I forgot to send the nice old lady my bank information before I deleted the message. What would I do with that much money, anyway? It's better going to someone gullible enough to need it!
No hope on the job front. Tonight/tomorrow I'll try looking in Johnstown, because we found a real fixer-upper type house there and we want to try to get it, which will obviously be easier with a job. It's a big, old brick home with front and back porch tacked on at some later date, and it looks cheaply patched up inside and out but it's still structurally in decent shape, and has a full attic, a full (slightly damp) basement, and a newer-looking pair of furnaces and water heaters (yes, two of each - it was apparently split into upstairs-downstairs apartments). If my guess is correct most of the work it needs is cosmetic, which we can do ourselves (and boy am I excited about it). The lot also has a 3-bay garage, which is in far worse condition than the house (but that's ok, I don't mind rebuilding roofs!), and a tiny lawn where I could presumably put a garden. And it's priced to throw out at $16,900... gotta love foreclosures! I'm not letting myself get too excited about it, because there -was- another offer put in, and we can't offer what we don't have, but I do hope that we have a chance. I really would like a home.
In the meantime I sit here and check my email and my comics and blogs and wonder if I'll ever get a job interview when even Subway didn't seem to want me (although presumably their excuse is that they had hundreds of applicants). It's frustrating but there are little gems in everything. Today's was, of all things, spam mail.
From: "DEAR CONTACT MY SECRETAY FOR YOUR BANK DRAFT"
Subject: DEAR CONTACT MY SECRETAY FOR YOUR BANK DRAFT
Date: Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:12:30 +0300
DEAR
I'M HAPPY TO INFORM YOU ABOUT MY SUCCESS IN GETTING THOSE FUNDS TRANSFERRED UNDER THE COOPERATION OF A NEW PARTNER FROM PARAGUAY. PRESENTLY I'M IN PARAGUAY BUT BY NEXT WEEK I WILL BE IN CHINA FOR INVESTMENT PROJECTS WITH MY OWN SHARE OF THE TOTAL SUM.
MEANWHILE,I DIDN'T FORGET YOUR PAST EFFORTS AND ATTEMPTS TO ASSIST ME IN TRANSFERRING THOSE FUNDS DESPITE THAT IT FAILED US SOME HOW. NOW CONTACT MY SECRETARY, HIS NAME IS MR PRINCE UGO E-MAILADDRESSS: princeugo201@gmail.com ASK HIM TO SEND YOU THE TOTAL US$800,000.00 WHICH I KEPT FOR YOUR COMPENSATION FOR ALL THE PAST EFFORTS AND ATTEMPTS TO ASSIST ME IN THIS MATTER.
I APPRECIATED YOUR EFFORTS AT THAT TIME VERY MUCH. SO FEEL FREE AND GET IN TOUCH WITH MY SECRETARY AND INSTRUCT HIM WHERE TO SEND THE AMOUNT TO YOU PLEASE DO LET ME KNOW IMMEDIATELY YOU RECEIVE IT SO THAT WE CAN SHARE THE JOY AFTER ALL THE SUFFERNESS AT THAT TIME. IN THE MOMENT, I AM VERY BUSY HERE BECAUSE OF THE INVESTMENT PROJECTS WHICH ME AND THE NEW PARTNER ARE HAVING AT HAND.
FINALLY, REMEMBER THAT I HAD FORWARDED INSTRUCTION TO MY SECRETARY ON YOUR BEHALF TO SEND YOU THE MONEY AS SOON AS YOU REQUEST FOR IT. SO FEEL FREE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH MR PRINCE UGO HE WILL SEND THE AMOUNT TO YOU WITHOUT ANY DELAY,BEAR IN MIND THAT THE US$800,000.00 IN CONFIRMABLE BANK DRAFT
REGARDS,
MR WILLIAMS OKAFOR
DEAR CONTACT MY SECRETAY FOR YOUR BANK DRAFT
Contact the secretay I shall! If only $800k really was a few clicks away I would be a happy woman. Last week I inherited 5 million or so, but I forgot to send the nice old lady my bank information before I deleted the message. What would I do with that much money, anyway? It's better going to someone gullible enough to need it!
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Something caught my eye today...
While I was reading a forum thread titled "Are we on the verge of serious economic collapse?" I came across a post that stated that Congress had just passed into law a little provision that allows taxation of property when you renounce US citizenship. My first reaction was Wait a minute, wouldn't we have heard about this one?, and then I went hunting.
Look what I found!
The so-called "Heroes Earnings Assistance and Relief Tax Act of 2008", which is supposedly all about "[amending] the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to provide benefits for military personnel, and for other purposes.", hides a little gem in Sections 301-303.
I didn't read the whole thing, because it's a lot of legalese and politikspeak and references other bills that I haven't had the time and energy to muddle through, and I can't understand half of it without sitting down and writing it all out on paper 3 or 4 times paraphrased in normal human speech and then asking someone else if I got it right. I'm pretty sure they do that on purpose. >.> Anyway, the basic idea, if I understand correctly, is that if you leave the country or otherwise declare yourself no longer a US resident, you're to be taxed on all assets (home, car, 401k) that you have in this country as though they had been sold on the day before your expatriation, and at "market value" (which to me sounds a heck of a lot like "as high as we can appraise it"). Now, I -think- there's a $600k 'gain' limit before they start taxing you, which gives you a pretty good base if you actually had that $600k in cash and not invested in your in-ground pool and your car(s)... and they obviously won't tax you if you're taking a loss. They also make exceptions if you have lived here less than 10 years or are under 18 1/2 years old at the time of expatriation (oh how kind!). However, it's still awfully shady, and it seems to me that the articles pointing this out were right - there's really no reason to start taxing expatriation unless they expect a lot of it to happen. What are they preparing for?
Look what I found!
The so-called "Heroes Earnings Assistance and Relief Tax Act of 2008", which is supposedly all about "[amending] the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to provide benefits for military personnel, and for other purposes.", hides a little gem in Sections 301-303.
I didn't read the whole thing, because it's a lot of legalese and politikspeak and references other bills that I haven't had the time and energy to muddle through, and I can't understand half of it without sitting down and writing it all out on paper 3 or 4 times paraphrased in normal human speech and then asking someone else if I got it right. I'm pretty sure they do that on purpose. >.> Anyway, the basic idea, if I understand correctly, is that if you leave the country or otherwise declare yourself no longer a US resident, you're to be taxed on all assets (home, car, 401k) that you have in this country as though they had been sold on the day before your expatriation, and at "market value" (which to me sounds a heck of a lot like "as high as we can appraise it"). Now, I -think- there's a $600k 'gain' limit before they start taxing you, which gives you a pretty good base if you actually had that $600k in cash and not invested in your in-ground pool and your car(s)... and they obviously won't tax you if you're taking a loss. They also make exceptions if you have lived here less than 10 years or are under 18 1/2 years old at the time of expatriation (oh how kind!). However, it's still awfully shady, and it seems to me that the articles pointing this out were right - there's really no reason to start taxing expatriation unless they expect a lot of it to happen. What are they preparing for?
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Haircut
2 weeks ago I finally chopped my long hair off.
In case you can't see the numbers, that's over 20"
It's been sent off in a tidy little ponytail for Locks of Love. Then, I had the nice hair place down the road trim it and layer it slightly, and I did a quick home dye job (temporary, of course!).
It's so nice to have a fresh new haircut!
So if you haven't seen or heard already (sorry, Mom!), now you know what to expect next time you see me!
And in other news I've sent off applications to the state government for a civil service position as a clerk typist... plus I handed in an application for Taco Bell on Thursday. I'm hoping that since they're not actively hiring they won't call back. If they do, though, at least it's a job.
In case you can't see the numbers, that's over 20"
It's been sent off in a tidy little ponytail for Locks of Love. Then, I had the nice hair place down the road trim it and layer it slightly, and I did a quick home dye job (temporary, of course!).
It's so nice to have a fresh new haircut!
So if you haven't seen or heard already (sorry, Mom!), now you know what to expect next time you see me!
And in other news I've sent off applications to the state government for a civil service position as a clerk typist... plus I handed in an application for Taco Bell on Thursday. I'm hoping that since they're not actively hiring they won't call back. If they do, though, at least it's a job.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Word Play (and procrastination)
I should be doing my homework but I've been doing a lot of reading lately (me? read?!) and I wanted to share a few of the thoughts it provoked. As a reader and writer I really enjoy language - puns, playing on the meanings of words, homophones and homonyms and everything else. I'm no English major but I know enough to get by in polite society, or so I like to think.
As a natural offshoot of reading, writing, and playing with words, sometimes I come up with questions - What is the connection (or separation) between condemn and condone? I know their definitions, but 'con' as a prefix didn't quite make sense to me in those words. So what do 'demn' and 'done' mean and how does that change 'con'? (demn is from damnare, Latin: to sentence; done is from donare, also Latin, to donate.) Stuff like this runs through my head in the shower and if I remember later I go look it up with Mirriam-Webster and friends at Dictionary.com.
That train of thought - how easy it is to pull out the electronic dictionary on a whim - sparked some additional insight on teaching. Teachers today many times run into kids who either claim that school is useless for them or that they 'already know it all'. In many cases neither of these claims is true, but it is getting much easier to "know it all", with a little help from our friend Google. I would consider myself an active learner; I seek to engage myself in learning experiences on a daily basis and when I don't get them from a classroom I try to make other connections. A few years ago I probably would have had to find someone nearby to answer any questions I had about etymology, etc unless I had the full (and very expensive) version of Webster's Unabridged sitting around the house. Most people don't even HAVE a dictionary these days, or so it seems - This article tells a touching but probably all too common tale of third graders who were completely unfamiliar with dictionaries and who did not own them at home. And yet I can open a new tab and type the right combination of key words (which might take a few tries) into Google and get you that very article without so much as needing to know it existed, let alone having to look up where it was published, dates, or know how to scan a newspaper database. Information is literally a few keystrokes away.
This kind of open learning environment is one I love, but I think for many people, the knowledge that the information is there is not akin to being curious or able to access it. Someone can now claim to be a know-it-all, and as long as they're sitting at a computer connected to the internet they can try to prove it with virtually no physical, social, or mental work required. They don't even have to read what they're telling you - "key words" do the work for them (although it's always a good idea to pre-read or skim what you plan to present as proof, as many researchers will tell you). The skills to utilize that kind of open information setting are what we should be (and in some cases are) teaching in schools, but for a student who has seen what Google and Wikipedia do for his/her older sister's history report and his best friend's knowledge of how to "get chicks" (even though at 12 he's never practiced) it's probably already too late to start teaching good research skills, how to find reliable sources, and all the other practical parts of learning that no amount of reading Howstuffworks.com will ever give you.
I think in some respects the seemingly endless fountain of information available on the internet is liberating. It gets me out of the classrooms that I associate with powerpoint lectures and well-meaning teachers and into a realm of connections (links, key word searches, images, and video) which I can make or leave for later as I choose. I say "make" because for me reading the article on combustion engines will teach me something, but when I choose to read the connecting articles - on different fuels, maybe, or on rotary engines, how engines are built, or common engine problems, I am not just clicking links in the web, I am making more connections. I am adding more to that file folder in my brain that's now labeled "mechanics" so that later when I read something about fuel efficiency I can connect further. School sometimes fails to to this, but the tactics I learned in school to deal with forming and arranging connections have been invaluable to me as a denizen of the internets.
I love learning like this and I think many others do as well... but I worry about how this kind of learning experience is leaving some people behind (those without 24/7 connectivity or computer experience are foremost, along with those who are already lacking in the background cultural knowledge necessary to 'get' the jokes, arguments, and other things that show up in academia) and separating the classroom and the teacher from their preconceived purposes. This is not to say that the intended purpose of an educator and an education is today what it should be or has been. It is however a growing concern that students rarely see the use or legitimate claims of classroom knowledge in a world where the teacher often seems out of touch with rapidly growing technology and the administration even more so.
What is the solution to our information issues? Handing students the basic tools to explore their world and then letting go has been a wonderful teaching method in the past but there is such thing as information overload - and the internet in all its glory is certainly capable of causing it. It is also capable of sparking interest in "boring" subject matter, making things easily accessible for students of any age... and misleading us.
What is the role of the teacher in learning, if the student does not see a need for guidance in their search for information? Where and how do we set boundaries on what is to be taught, if boundaries are to be set? We can't enforce boundaries on learning if the student is determined enough to learn outside the classroom (which is actually something I would love to see happening!). And how do we excite the students who have decided that even with the knowledge of the world at their fingertips, they would rather not explore? What will bring them into the circle of lifelong learners? It's a very complicated issue... and Google doesn't have the answer! :(
As a natural offshoot of reading, writing, and playing with words, sometimes I come up with questions - What is the connection (or separation) between condemn and condone? I know their definitions, but 'con' as a prefix didn't quite make sense to me in those words. So what do 'demn' and 'done' mean and how does that change 'con'? (demn is from damnare, Latin: to sentence; done is from donare, also Latin, to donate.) Stuff like this runs through my head in the shower and if I remember later I go look it up with Mirriam-Webster and friends at Dictionary.com.
That train of thought - how easy it is to pull out the electronic dictionary on a whim - sparked some additional insight on teaching. Teachers today many times run into kids who either claim that school is useless for them or that they 'already know it all'. In many cases neither of these claims is true, but it is getting much easier to "know it all", with a little help from our friend Google. I would consider myself an active learner; I seek to engage myself in learning experiences on a daily basis and when I don't get them from a classroom I try to make other connections. A few years ago I probably would have had to find someone nearby to answer any questions I had about etymology, etc unless I had the full (and very expensive) version of Webster's Unabridged sitting around the house. Most people don't even HAVE a dictionary these days, or so it seems - This article tells a touching but probably all too common tale of third graders who were completely unfamiliar with dictionaries and who did not own them at home. And yet I can open a new tab and type the right combination of key words (which might take a few tries) into Google and get you that very article without so much as needing to know it existed, let alone having to look up where it was published, dates, or know how to scan a newspaper database. Information is literally a few keystrokes away.
This kind of open learning environment is one I love, but I think for many people, the knowledge that the information is there is not akin to being curious or able to access it. Someone can now claim to be a know-it-all, and as long as they're sitting at a computer connected to the internet they can try to prove it with virtually no physical, social, or mental work required. They don't even have to read what they're telling you - "key words" do the work for them (although it's always a good idea to pre-read or skim what you plan to present as proof, as many researchers will tell you). The skills to utilize that kind of open information setting are what we should be (and in some cases are) teaching in schools, but for a student who has seen what Google and Wikipedia do for his/her older sister's history report and his best friend's knowledge of how to "get chicks" (even though at 12 he's never practiced) it's probably already too late to start teaching good research skills, how to find reliable sources, and all the other practical parts of learning that no amount of reading Howstuffworks.com will ever give you.
I think in some respects the seemingly endless fountain of information available on the internet is liberating. It gets me out of the classrooms that I associate with powerpoint lectures and well-meaning teachers and into a realm of connections (links, key word searches, images, and video) which I can make or leave for later as I choose. I say "make" because for me reading the article on combustion engines will teach me something, but when I choose to read the connecting articles - on different fuels, maybe, or on rotary engines, how engines are built, or common engine problems, I am not just clicking links in the web, I am making more connections. I am adding more to that file folder in my brain that's now labeled "mechanics" so that later when I read something about fuel efficiency I can connect further. School sometimes fails to to this, but the tactics I learned in school to deal with forming and arranging connections have been invaluable to me as a denizen of the internets.
I love learning like this and I think many others do as well... but I worry about how this kind of learning experience is leaving some people behind (those without 24/7 connectivity or computer experience are foremost, along with those who are already lacking in the background cultural knowledge necessary to 'get' the jokes, arguments, and other things that show up in academia) and separating the classroom and the teacher from their preconceived purposes. This is not to say that the intended purpose of an educator and an education is today what it should be or has been. It is however a growing concern that students rarely see the use or legitimate claims of classroom knowledge in a world where the teacher often seems out of touch with rapidly growing technology and the administration even more so.
What is the solution to our information issues? Handing students the basic tools to explore their world and then letting go has been a wonderful teaching method in the past but there is such thing as information overload - and the internet in all its glory is certainly capable of causing it. It is also capable of sparking interest in "boring" subject matter, making things easily accessible for students of any age... and misleading us.
What is the role of the teacher in learning, if the student does not see a need for guidance in their search for information? Where and how do we set boundaries on what is to be taught, if boundaries are to be set? We can't enforce boundaries on learning if the student is determined enough to learn outside the classroom (which is actually something I would love to see happening!). And how do we excite the students who have decided that even with the knowledge of the world at their fingertips, they would rather not explore? What will bring them into the circle of lifelong learners? It's a very complicated issue... and Google doesn't have the answer! :(
Monday, May 12, 2008
Let's get Politically Incorrect!
Bored with the old layout, and I think it's time for an upgrade. Of course, my knowledge of CSS being what it is, and Blogger trying to make it all "easy" for me (without actually making anything easier at all, I'll probably not get any editing done on this that won't make it look awful. I noticed they've started commenting templates now (or at least the new one's commented where my old one wasn't) so that should help in figuring out what changes which aspect, but for as simple a thing as "I want to make the darn thing wider so my posts don't look so LONG!" I'll have to edit six or seven different pixel widths in various sections, and the method of 'change-preview-change-preview-change' seems like too much work for tonight.
My first summer class started today... "Health Aspects of Aging". It's a one-week seminar and we'll be doing very little actual work in the class if today was any indication. The entire body of the class except me (of course!) is there for an "easy A". I'm also the only female in the class and one of very few caucasians... It's strange to be a 'minority' for once after coming from classes which were predominantly white female students (Elementary education). I don't make this comment to be racist, but to show exactly how 'sheltered' I have been (still!) that it's a surprise to me when I walk into a classroom and don't see at least 1/2 the seats filled by preppy white kids. My expectations have obviously been crafted by years of repeated experience with walking into new classrooms, but that says something too. I know that IUP recruits a lot of students from the Pittsburgh area and I know that there is a pretty good-sized black population on campus... but I've rarely seen them in class! :/ Actually, it seems like many of them are sadly living up to the "ghetto" stereotypes that have been pushed at them by society and the media, and I wish a few more would - if you'll excuse my language - have the balls to actually follow any academic interest they might have, instead of caving to peer pressure and nearly failing classes just because being smart is "wrong" (and in some cases, it's "acting white" - a stereotype I strongly protest on behalf of all the supreme idiots who just happen to have white skin *coughcough*!).
I hear complaints at least once a month (which is as often as I bother looking for them via various media outlets) that "blacks" are still being segregated, looked down upon, not given the same opportunities as "white folk", etc. And all I have to say is that unless you're living in a very rural area, the opportunities are generally there for you and many people are willing to help you fight for your rights as a human being. In my experience, most people are so jaded to race that it's a non-issue until the ACLU starts another uproar about it. The main issue in my mind is that the black community in many areas has, just like other "minority" communities (never mind that there are almost equal numbers of blacks and whites), formed its own identity which it hates to let go of, which includes a lot of willful ignorance of the world and culture around them - and that identity is, unfortunately, partially the fault of the whites, yes. But it's also the fault of people who refuse to finish high school because they think it's useless or stupid, or worse, that it's for whites only. It's the fault of rappers who make living in the ghetto look glamorous and encourage violence in their songs, while a few struggle to tell kids that it's actually ok to get an education (and I am thrilled by the emerging black role models who can culture-switch... rapping to kids one minute and clearly articulating their thoughts to a reporter the next). It's the fault of teen girls who decide that they'd rather go get pregnant and live on welfare (because it's the easy way out) than struggle through perceived racism and sexism to get a better life for themselves and their kids. I'm sick of the "white guilt" BS. Some people might feel it and some people might deserve to, but it's time that throwing blame goes out the window and acceptance of history comes in. A lot of the things that have happened ARE history, and many of the "horrors" that blacks experienced haven't just been aimed at blacks. Many, many immigrants who came to America put up with the same kind of racist bigotry; even Mexican immigrants today in our 'enlightened' society have to put up with the KKK and their kin. Much of the "racism" I see and hear every day is created by the culture that the "victims" have accepted among themselves. I'm not blaming either side because it's a collaboration that goes beyond what either side would be capable of alone - if blame must be put, then I'm putting it on both sides.
I have not willingly oppressed any black person in my lifetime and I'm not going to feel guilty for a stereotype that, now that I am aware of it, I do my best not to perpetrate. I have an expectation that everyone around me should be working to better themselves and their community, or at least not to slide backwards... and that is indifferent of race, gender, sexual orientation, age, mental abilities (I expect you to work to the best of those, whether that means learning to tie your own shoes or solving world hunger), handicapped status, or any other "-ism" inducing mental or physical state. So when I say that the young black men in my class are living up to a stereotype and speak of them as though I were stereotyping them, it's not because I expect or require a stereotype. It's because I'm disappointed that a wonderful, intelligent girl I know who just happens to be southern, black, and Jewish can graduate WITH HONORS next to me, despite having had to deal with serious family issues and racism her entire life while these strong young men are often too scared to come out and admit that they are individuals and that something interests them in a classroom. She's not letting her racial identity get in the way of her personality, and I love her for it.
But back to actual class content analysis - Since I'm trying to get a job working with the elderly I'm glad to be taking this class. It will cover, in a week, conceptions and misconceptions about aging, terms used to talk about aging, ways to stay healthy and active as you age, and aging and sexuality. We're also scheduled to go out to an 'old folks' home' tomorrow to do some community service work, which seems mostly like landscaping but might also involve interacting with the patrons. I'm glad of the opportunity to go outside but I don't know if we'll get much done, or if the guys will decide to play it 'cool' and just stand around. It was also tossed up in class that since I am seemingly the only one with landscaping experience I would be a 'manager' of sorts... but I'd rather elect a committee to do the managing, or do things democratically than put myself in charge of a bunch of guys who I am admittedly uncomfortable talking to, if only because I feel I have nothing to say that might possibly interest them, or that I'll come off as a stereotypical "preppy white girl" myself. I'd say things would all be so much easier if people were the same shade of grey, but knowing that people enjoy pigeonholing, if we were all grey we'd probably start having issues with hairstyle-ism. >_<
My first summer class started today... "Health Aspects of Aging". It's a one-week seminar and we'll be doing very little actual work in the class if today was any indication. The entire body of the class except me (of course!) is there for an "easy A". I'm also the only female in the class and one of very few caucasians... It's strange to be a 'minority' for once after coming from classes which were predominantly white female students (Elementary education). I don't make this comment to be racist, but to show exactly how 'sheltered' I have been (still!) that it's a surprise to me when I walk into a classroom and don't see at least 1/2 the seats filled by preppy white kids. My expectations have obviously been crafted by years of repeated experience with walking into new classrooms, but that says something too. I know that IUP recruits a lot of students from the Pittsburgh area and I know that there is a pretty good-sized black population on campus... but I've rarely seen them in class! :/ Actually, it seems like many of them are sadly living up to the "ghetto" stereotypes that have been pushed at them by society and the media, and I wish a few more would - if you'll excuse my language - have the balls to actually follow any academic interest they might have, instead of caving to peer pressure and nearly failing classes just because being smart is "wrong" (and in some cases, it's "acting white" - a stereotype I strongly protest on behalf of all the supreme idiots who just happen to have white skin *coughcough*!).
I hear complaints at least once a month (which is as often as I bother looking for them via various media outlets) that "blacks" are still being segregated, looked down upon, not given the same opportunities as "white folk", etc. And all I have to say is that unless you're living in a very rural area, the opportunities are generally there for you and many people are willing to help you fight for your rights as a human being. In my experience, most people are so jaded to race that it's a non-issue until the ACLU starts another uproar about it. The main issue in my mind is that the black community in many areas has, just like other "minority" communities (never mind that there are almost equal numbers of blacks and whites), formed its own identity which it hates to let go of, which includes a lot of willful ignorance of the world and culture around them - and that identity is, unfortunately, partially the fault of the whites, yes. But it's also the fault of people who refuse to finish high school because they think it's useless or stupid, or worse, that it's for whites only. It's the fault of rappers who make living in the ghetto look glamorous and encourage violence in their songs, while a few struggle to tell kids that it's actually ok to get an education (and I am thrilled by the emerging black role models who can culture-switch... rapping to kids one minute and clearly articulating their thoughts to a reporter the next). It's the fault of teen girls who decide that they'd rather go get pregnant and live on welfare (because it's the easy way out) than struggle through perceived racism and sexism to get a better life for themselves and their kids. I'm sick of the "white guilt" BS. Some people might feel it and some people might deserve to, but it's time that throwing blame goes out the window and acceptance of history comes in. A lot of the things that have happened ARE history, and many of the "horrors" that blacks experienced haven't just been aimed at blacks. Many, many immigrants who came to America put up with the same kind of racist bigotry; even Mexican immigrants today in our 'enlightened' society have to put up with the KKK and their kin. Much of the "racism" I see and hear every day is created by the culture that the "victims" have accepted among themselves. I'm not blaming either side because it's a collaboration that goes beyond what either side would be capable of alone - if blame must be put, then I'm putting it on both sides.
I have not willingly oppressed any black person in my lifetime and I'm not going to feel guilty for a stereotype that, now that I am aware of it, I do my best not to perpetrate. I have an expectation that everyone around me should be working to better themselves and their community, or at least not to slide backwards... and that is indifferent of race, gender, sexual orientation, age, mental abilities (I expect you to work to the best of those, whether that means learning to tie your own shoes or solving world hunger), handicapped status, or any other "-ism" inducing mental or physical state. So when I say that the young black men in my class are living up to a stereotype and speak of them as though I were stereotyping them, it's not because I expect or require a stereotype. It's because I'm disappointed that a wonderful, intelligent girl I know who just happens to be southern, black, and Jewish can graduate WITH HONORS next to me, despite having had to deal with serious family issues and racism her entire life while these strong young men are often too scared to come out and admit that they are individuals and that something interests them in a classroom. She's not letting her racial identity get in the way of her personality, and I love her for it.
But back to actual class content analysis - Since I'm trying to get a job working with the elderly I'm glad to be taking this class. It will cover, in a week, conceptions and misconceptions about aging, terms used to talk about aging, ways to stay healthy and active as you age, and aging and sexuality. We're also scheduled to go out to an 'old folks' home' tomorrow to do some community service work, which seems mostly like landscaping but might also involve interacting with the patrons. I'm glad of the opportunity to go outside but I don't know if we'll get much done, or if the guys will decide to play it 'cool' and just stand around. It was also tossed up in class that since I am seemingly the only one with landscaping experience I would be a 'manager' of sorts... but I'd rather elect a committee to do the managing, or do things democratically than put myself in charge of a bunch of guys who I am admittedly uncomfortable talking to, if only because I feel I have nothing to say that might possibly interest them, or that I'll come off as a stereotypical "preppy white girl" myself. I'd say things would all be so much easier if people were the same shade of grey, but knowing that people enjoy pigeonholing, if we were all grey we'd probably start having issues with hairstyle-ism. >_<
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
In Other News...
Just thought I'd share a few thoughts.
Graduation is in 2 days. There's a lot to remember and I'm not sure where I'm going to be in line for the university graduation because I -just- put in the form for the major change. I might end up walking with the eled grads, although I'd rather not see them again and maintain my "quiet" exit from the department, or at least some appearance of a graceful and entirely by-my-own-choice removal from student teaching. I'm not looking forward to answering "Where were you the last month?", if they haven't already been told. But other than that things should go smoothly, and I'm quite happy to say that all the rest of my summer plans are slowly falling into place. Now, to get a job...
And on that note: I'm applying for jobs tonight/tomorrow with various state and local agencies, to see if I can land anything, since Lowes has not called me back. I wouldn't mind a job there but I'm not so dedicated to the prospect that I'll call them to beg/bug, and besides, does corporate business etiquette of calling to refresh the memory of the HR people/make yourself annoying apply at a hardware store? Either way, I've already sent in my resume to a health care job which involves mentally handicapped adults (pretty close to my current educational field, and $0.50 more per hour than dealing with mentally handicapped teens at Mickey D's!), and I'm filling out the non-civil-service application for PENNDOT and other assorted state jobs to see if I can land a clerk typist position near Indiana, or at the very least get stuck on flag duty on the highway for a few hours this summer. $20/hr to hold a flag and wear a stylish neon vest sounds pretty darn good.
In other news...
A volcano is burying a town. People are already comparing it to Pompeii, despite the lack of deaths (everyone but some livestock and wild animals got out just fine) and the fact that we'll probably uncover the town again in a few days. It's interesting news anyway if only because of the volcano's unexpected activity after years of dormancy.
Cereal is beating out Emeril in a new restaurant chain. Can we call it a restaurant? Anyway, they sell cereal. With any kind of milk you want, plus toppings. It's not as cheap as buying your own box but it beats a vending machine if you're hungry... and they've got franchise opportunities, apparently. If I could get a loan to open up a place in town, I think the college kids would flock to it... and I've always been tempted by owning and managing my own business. Eh, maybe next year...
New excesses in the realm of vacation fun! The world's largest swimming pool (so named by the Guinness Book of World Records, which we know to be a pretty solid reference for such things) is now open for business in Chile. According to a commenter they're using fresh sea water to pump in and out of the pool... I'd be interested to see how much fresh pee they're pumping out with the water (admit it, you know someone who urinates in the pool)! Either way, it seems to be a (relatively) environmentally sound tactic for pool-building, and it'll bring more business-building tourism to the area, which is good for the Chilean economy, so say the "experts". I'd be happy just to swim in an uncrowded pool, if I could afford the $540 to get in (mandatory 3-night minimum at $180 per night).
An interesting solar effect is coming soon in NYC; it's called "Manhattanhenge". Flikr has myriad pictures of the supposedly interesting sunset, all showing an orange-ish evening sun between tall dark buildings, but I didn't find any from a more striking viewpoint than a Manhattan street corner. If Google Earth's satellites could get a close-up of the whole area at that time it would probably show the effect far better than taking pictures into the sun. Heck, a helicopter could get a nice wide-angle shot from above. Still, the astrological interest factor is pretty high, since I don't think they planned the streets to do this.
An interesting mini-bio of Mr. Rogers. Having read it, I really miss him. I think I cried when I heard of his death, because I remember loving his show as a kid. What a guy...
Graduation is in 2 days. There's a lot to remember and I'm not sure where I'm going to be in line for the university graduation because I -just- put in the form for the major change. I might end up walking with the eled grads, although I'd rather not see them again and maintain my "quiet" exit from the department, or at least some appearance of a graceful and entirely by-my-own-choice removal from student teaching. I'm not looking forward to answering "Where were you the last month?", if they haven't already been told. But other than that things should go smoothly, and I'm quite happy to say that all the rest of my summer plans are slowly falling into place. Now, to get a job...
And on that note: I'm applying for jobs tonight/tomorrow with various state and local agencies, to see if I can land anything, since Lowes has not called me back. I wouldn't mind a job there but I'm not so dedicated to the prospect that I'll call them to beg/bug, and besides, does corporate business etiquette of calling to refresh the memory of the HR people/make yourself annoying apply at a hardware store? Either way, I've already sent in my resume to a health care job which involves mentally handicapped adults (pretty close to my current educational field, and $0.50 more per hour than dealing with mentally handicapped teens at Mickey D's!), and I'm filling out the non-civil-service application for PENNDOT and other assorted state jobs to see if I can land a clerk typist position near Indiana, or at the very least get stuck on flag duty on the highway for a few hours this summer. $20/hr to hold a flag and wear a stylish neon vest sounds pretty darn good.
In other news...
A volcano is burying a town. People are already comparing it to Pompeii, despite the lack of deaths (everyone but some livestock and wild animals got out just fine) and the fact that we'll probably uncover the town again in a few days. It's interesting news anyway if only because of the volcano's unexpected activity after years of dormancy.
Cereal is beating out Emeril in a new restaurant chain. Can we call it a restaurant? Anyway, they sell cereal. With any kind of milk you want, plus toppings. It's not as cheap as buying your own box but it beats a vending machine if you're hungry... and they've got franchise opportunities, apparently. If I could get a loan to open up a place in town, I think the college kids would flock to it... and I've always been tempted by owning and managing my own business. Eh, maybe next year...
New excesses in the realm of vacation fun! The world's largest swimming pool (so named by the Guinness Book of World Records, which we know to be a pretty solid reference for such things) is now open for business in Chile. According to a commenter they're using fresh sea water to pump in and out of the pool... I'd be interested to see how much fresh pee they're pumping out with the water (admit it, you know someone who urinates in the pool)! Either way, it seems to be a (relatively) environmentally sound tactic for pool-building, and it'll bring more business-building tourism to the area, which is good for the Chilean economy, so say the "experts". I'd be happy just to swim in an uncrowded pool, if I could afford the $540 to get in (mandatory 3-night minimum at $180 per night).
An interesting solar effect is coming soon in NYC; it's called "Manhattanhenge". Flikr has myriad pictures of the supposedly interesting sunset, all showing an orange-ish evening sun between tall dark buildings, but I didn't find any from a more striking viewpoint than a Manhattan street corner. If Google Earth's satellites could get a close-up of the whole area at that time it would probably show the effect far better than taking pictures into the sun. Heck, a helicopter could get a nice wide-angle shot from above. Still, the astrological interest factor is pretty high, since I don't think they planned the streets to do this.
An interesting mini-bio of Mr. Rogers. Having read it, I really miss him. I think I cried when I heard of his death, because I remember loving his show as a kid. What a guy...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Nowhere, really.
You're probably wondering (or not) where I've disappeared to since the last upheaval. Well, nowhere really.
Actually, that line sums up how I feel about the place my life is going right now. I have the paperwork to change my major to General Studies; I have 2 out of 3 classes registered for this summer off the "suggested" list pulled up by the Dean of the department (none of them my top choices, as those were either not listed or filled up before I could even contact the professors about erasing the damned SOC 151 pre-requisite that ALL the suggested classes had); I have a cleaner apartment (slightly) and my socks are sorted.
I even managed to really annoy the girl in charge of our senior class commencement preparations at the HC, by 1) missing a photo appointment back at the beginning of March, 2) not checking my e-mail last week and so missing the opportunity to take and send in a picture of myself when she asked the first time (on Monday) and threatened to take a picture off Facebook, and 3) not giving her any reason or excuse for my lack of e-mail checking or photo, but simply sending in a huge high-res photo of myself taken just today for the very purpose of going in the brochure, with a note: "I hope this is acceptable." Granted I didn't have internet access yesterday or the day before, due to a faulty (read: decades old and falling apart) cable line and/or dead modem which the very nice Comcast guy spent an hour or so fixing, replacing, and grumbling about this morning. Still, I know I'm not being exactly polite by not groveling and offering excuses and being terribly sorry for all the fuss. I just can't really bring myself to care about graduation, since after all, I am taking three more classes this summer, so it's not like the ceremony really signifies anything except the countdown to having to pay off my student loans. And yet, despite all my little accomplishments, I don't have much of a big goal any more.
I'm not feeling very sure about where I'm going with my life at this point. I mean, yes, I'm sure I'll go to a grad school somewhere, and get some kind of degree related to books. I'm sure at some point we'll actually find enough money or a kind enough loan officer to get ourselves a house. I'm almost sure we might have kids some day, which does give me a little something to look forward to, if only because I'll be able to train them to annoy the living daylights out of the idiots around them and run circles around their classmates in school. But job prospects for budding librarians are hardly widespread, which dampens any enthusiasm I had for house-hunting and wedding plans, and I've decided quite firmly against going into any kind of work that involves "customer service" from the point of "you serve the customer and don't you dare look for any respect for this position" (ie. retail, food service, anything related to office work, phonathon caller, babysitter, teaching... wait a minute, are there ANY jobs people respect any more?) so my available job market has slimmed down to almost nothing. I really shouldn't be picky you say, since I'm only 22 with no "real" job skills and everyone had to enter on the first floor of the job market, etc... but shouldn't I be able to say "look, I don't want to be put down and belittled and paid less than I feel my time is worth"? I've had quite enough of that already, thank you, and I'm ready to be treated like I'm actually of value to whatever employer I find myself with. Or at least I'd like to find a place where I can accomplish something, however little that something might be, for myself. I like setting my own goals, or at least feeling like working toward someone else's goal is helping me somewhat... and being able to ask "would you like fries with that?" is not my idea of a lifetime achievement.
I have a tentative part-time position lined up for this summer as a gardener for the Honors College residence hall and the current HC President's home, which sounds a lot better than sitting in an over-air-conditioned office building and will probably pay just as well. I can deal with plants and I know my work will be appreciated. The flowers aren't going anywhere, just like me. They just sit and sun themselves all day... which reminds me of a poem that I'm feeling rather partial to right now:
I wish I was a little rock,
A-sittin' on the hill,
A-doin' nothin' all day long
Except just sittin' still.
I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't sleep,
I wouldn't even wash.
I'd sit and sit a thousand years
And rest myself, by gosh.
(Thanks, Dad, for reciting that one to me as a kid). I'm not sure who wrote it, but I'd like to go nowhere and do nothin' all day long for a while. Some days, sorting the socks just isn't worth it.
Back to the idea of my future, summer jobs don't mean full-time employment, and I'm rather unhappy about the prospect of finding a more "permanent" position, since the only ones I can think of related to my major seem to be child care or... well, the local library. And while I do like taking care of, teaching, and otherwise interacting with children, I don't like doing it while being told I'm not allowed to punish, chide, look down upon, be annoyed with or otherwise do anything "negative" in the presence of My Darling Little Angel Who Would Never Do Anything Wrong. So I guess I'll go bug the librarians about a position... here's hoping there's something open, and that they'll hire me without the MLS degree.
At least my gardening is going well... I've "tilled" my little pots of soil and started the jalapeño peppers, beans and peas indoors. The peas after a week are already 2" tall in some of the pods and ready to be brought outdoors - a surprise, but a pleasant one. I guess I can take solace in the fact that at least my garden will bear fruit this year.
Actually, that line sums up how I feel about the place my life is going right now. I have the paperwork to change my major to General Studies; I have 2 out of 3 classes registered for this summer off the "suggested" list pulled up by the Dean of the department (none of them my top choices, as those were either not listed or filled up before I could even contact the professors about erasing the damned SOC 151 pre-requisite that ALL the suggested classes had); I have a cleaner apartment (slightly) and my socks are sorted.
I even managed to really annoy the girl in charge of our senior class commencement preparations at the HC, by 1) missing a photo appointment back at the beginning of March, 2) not checking my e-mail last week and so missing the opportunity to take and send in a picture of myself when she asked the first time (on Monday) and threatened to take a picture off Facebook, and 3) not giving her any reason or excuse for my lack of e-mail checking or photo, but simply sending in a huge high-res photo of myself taken just today for the very purpose of going in the brochure, with a note: "I hope this is acceptable." Granted I didn't have internet access yesterday or the day before, due to a faulty (read: decades old and falling apart) cable line and/or dead modem which the very nice Comcast guy spent an hour or so fixing, replacing, and grumbling about this morning. Still, I know I'm not being exactly polite by not groveling and offering excuses and being terribly sorry for all the fuss. I just can't really bring myself to care about graduation, since after all, I am taking three more classes this summer, so it's not like the ceremony really signifies anything except the countdown to having to pay off my student loans. And yet, despite all my little accomplishments, I don't have much of a big goal any more.
I'm not feeling very sure about where I'm going with my life at this point. I mean, yes, I'm sure I'll go to a grad school somewhere, and get some kind of degree related to books. I'm sure at some point we'll actually find enough money or a kind enough loan officer to get ourselves a house. I'm almost sure we might have kids some day, which does give me a little something to look forward to, if only because I'll be able to train them to annoy the living daylights out of the idiots around them and run circles around their classmates in school. But job prospects for budding librarians are hardly widespread, which dampens any enthusiasm I had for house-hunting and wedding plans, and I've decided quite firmly against going into any kind of work that involves "customer service" from the point of "you serve the customer and don't you dare look for any respect for this position" (ie. retail, food service, anything related to office work, phonathon caller, babysitter, teaching... wait a minute, are there ANY jobs people respect any more?) so my available job market has slimmed down to almost nothing. I really shouldn't be picky you say, since I'm only 22 with no "real" job skills and everyone had to enter on the first floor of the job market, etc... but shouldn't I be able to say "look, I don't want to be put down and belittled and paid less than I feel my time is worth"? I've had quite enough of that already, thank you, and I'm ready to be treated like I'm actually of value to whatever employer I find myself with. Or at least I'd like to find a place where I can accomplish something, however little that something might be, for myself. I like setting my own goals, or at least feeling like working toward someone else's goal is helping me somewhat... and being able to ask "would you like fries with that?" is not my idea of a lifetime achievement.
I have a tentative part-time position lined up for this summer as a gardener for the Honors College residence hall and the current HC President's home, which sounds a lot better than sitting in an over-air-conditioned office building and will probably pay just as well. I can deal with plants and I know my work will be appreciated. The flowers aren't going anywhere, just like me. They just sit and sun themselves all day... which reminds me of a poem that I'm feeling rather partial to right now:
I wish I was a little rock,
A-sittin' on the hill,
A-doin' nothin' all day long
Except just sittin' still.
I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't sleep,
I wouldn't even wash.
I'd sit and sit a thousand years
And rest myself, by gosh.
(Thanks, Dad, for reciting that one to me as a kid). I'm not sure who wrote it, but I'd like to go nowhere and do nothin' all day long for a while. Some days, sorting the socks just isn't worth it.
Back to the idea of my future, summer jobs don't mean full-time employment, and I'm rather unhappy about the prospect of finding a more "permanent" position, since the only ones I can think of related to my major seem to be child care or... well, the local library. And while I do like taking care of, teaching, and otherwise interacting with children, I don't like doing it while being told I'm not allowed to punish, chide, look down upon, be annoyed with or otherwise do anything "negative" in the presence of My Darling Little Angel Who Would Never Do Anything Wrong. So I guess I'll go bug the librarians about a position... here's hoping there's something open, and that they'll hire me without the MLS degree.
At least my gardening is going well... I've "tilled" my little pots of soil and started the jalapeño peppers, beans and peas indoors. The peas after a week are already 2" tall in some of the pods and ready to be brought outdoors - a surprise, but a pleasant one. I guess I can take solace in the fact that at least my garden will bear fruit this year.
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